Why Does Menopause Impact Libido & Intimacy in Relationships?

For many women, menopause brings changes that extend far beyond physical symptoms. Shifts in sexual desire, emotional well being and body awareness can influence how women experience intimacy and connection in their relationships. These changes can be confusing, frustrating and at times isolating. Although menopause can affect libido and intimacy through hormonal, emotional and relational changes, women and their partners can maintain meaningful connection by understanding these changes and adapting their approach to intimacy.

Hormonal Shifts & Changes in Sexual Desire:

Understanding the physiological changes that occur during menopause can help validate the experiences many women face and foster a greater sense of connection with their bodies. At its core, menopause related changes in sexual desire are rooted in hormonal shifts that affect both physical and psychological functioning simultaneously. A key underlying mechanism is the decline in estrogen levels, which directly impacts sexual functioning. Research on women’s intimate health has found that “consequences of menopausal estrogen decline include urogenital atrophy, vaginal dryness, and decreased tissue elasticity.” In addition to these changes, symptoms such as night sweats, insomnia and mood disturbances further contribute to both physical discomfort and psychological strain.

These changes can not only reduce desire to engage in sexual activities, but also influence self-esteem and perceptions of sexual identity. When thinking about sex, it is often implicitly defined in terms of penetrative intercourse. Sexual intimacy, however, is not limited to penetrative intercourse and may include a broader range of physical and affective experiences such as touch, oral stimulation and mutual arousal, which can become particularly significant as individuals adapt to menopause related changes in sexual functioning. As a result, many women throughout the menopausal transition report avoiding sexual activity due to discomfort, including vaginal burning during intercourse,highlighting the distress associated with decreased desire. From a purely cultural standpoint, this experience is often compounded by the belief that women are “sexually retired” during and aftermenopause, reinforcing negative perceptions surrounding sexuality in this life stage. When combined with the physical and emotional effects of menopause, these cultural beliefs can further impact self esteem and contribute to feelings of disconnection from one’s body and sexuality.

How Libido Changes Influence Relationship Dynamics:

During menopause, sexual desire becomes more variable due to hormonal changes. Despite this
fluctuation, many individuals and couples adopt behavioral and psychological strategies to
manage desire discrepancy and maintain relational intimacy, including scheduling sexual
activity, using sexual aids as well as engaging in physical and emotional closeness to reduce
cognitive and emotional discomfort. Several participants in a study examining strategies for
managing sexual desire discrepancies reported, “I act as if I want sex, whether I want it or not…
sex has a function right now, and it is to preserve the relationship.” This reflects how sexual
activity can be psychologically reframed as a mechanism for relationship maintenance rather
than solely a source of pleasure. Beyond behavioral adjustments, libido changes also shape how
women cognitively interpret their partner’s responses and evaluate the relationship itself. This
impact extends beyond the individual, as changes in libido have been shown to affect both
partners. Research indicates that a significant portion of spouses report decreased intimacy as a
result of reduced libido, highlighting the interdependent nature of sexual and relational
functioning. Partner responses further shape these dynamics, as a negative interpretation or
withdrawal may potentially exacerbate tension, whereas supportive attitudes can improve
emotional and relational outcomes. Ultimately, these shifts highlight how libido is deeply
embedded in the emotional and cognitive processes of relationships.

Restoring Intimacy & Navigating Support:

Intimacy doesn’t disappear during menopause, it requires patience and redirection. This process
requires an integrated approach, combining medical support such as hormone therapy and
evaluation with psychological approaches including intentional intimacy building, stress relief,
improved partner communication and sex therapy. All of which assists couples in reducing
stress, rebuilding emotional connection and redefining intimacy beyond physical desire. In doing
so, intimacy becomes less about restoring what was lost and more about creating connection
that adapts to change.

References:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8351832/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7058563/#CR20
https://bywinona.com/journal/sexual-urogenital/increased-libido-after-menopause
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/diagnosis-treatment/drc-2037456

Stress Resilience: Is Stress Inherently Harmful or Can It Be Functionally Adaptive?

Growing up, stress has frequently been framed as something harmful, a thing to avoid. Yet, it shows up in many corners of our daily life like shadows we can’t get rid of; at times through tight deadlines, difficult conversations we’ve been holding off on and simply the moments that pressure us to test our limits. In these instances, what may appear as disruption is more accurately understood as a biological and psychological signaling system operating within a threshold, indicating that adaptation is required.

Conceptualizing Stress: Beyond Harm & Pathology:

The dominant perspective in stress research has historically emphasized its association with harm, illness, and reduced functioning, with numerous studies linking stress to conditions such as heart disease, depression, cancer and autoimmune disorders. The body is not designed to remain in a prolonged state of fight or flight, a physiological response intended to mobilize energy in the face of immediate threat or challenge. When this state becomes sustained, it is classified as chronic stress, which largely contributes to stress’s negative reputation. During acute stress, epinephrine increases heart rate and blood pressure to rapidly mobilize energy, while cortisol elevates blood glucose and temporarily suppresses non-essential bodily functions to sustain alertness. In the short term, these mechanisms are adaptive and essential for survival. When activation becomes chronic, sustained engagement of these systems leads to physiological wear and tear across neural, metabolic, and immune functioning, increasing vulnerability to cognitive decline and a range of sleep, mood, and gastrointestinal disorders.

People live life on a run which is often why they normalize stressful lifestyles, making it difficult to distinguish acute stress from chronic. Acute stress is a short-term response to immediate demands, often performance or goal-focused, whereas chronic stress involves prolonged exposure to ongoing demands or adverse environments. This distinction suggests that stress should not be viewed as inherently pathological, but as a context-dependent response whose outcomes depend on duration, regulation and interpretation. Much of stress’s negative reputation stems from prolonged, unregulated activation rather than stress itself. This supports a shift away from a purely harm-based model toward a more nuanced understanding of stress as a dynamic process whose impact depends on regulation, interpretation, and context.

The Physiology of Adaptive Stress Response:

A study conducted by Dr. Bigliassi and doctoral student Dayanne Antonio at Florida International University examined how brain functioning and perceptions of stress shape responses to a cold-pressor task, where participants submerged their hand in ice water for up to three minutes while brain activity was monitored. The following measures were self recorded before and after: mood, pain and stress. Findings showed that individuals with more rigid, one-directional brain communication patterns tended to withdraw early, often within the first minute, whereas those reporting higher stress and pain levels persisted significantly longer.
Rather than indicating dysfunction, these results suggest that stress can facilitate adaptation when responses remain cognitively flexible. The benefits of stress therefore appear non-linear, depending on whether activation is regulated within an optimal range. The researchers propose that cognitive flexibility may underlie this effect, with participants who persisted likely engaging in strategies such as paced breathing and self-talk to tolerate discomfort. Stress-induced analgesia may also contribute, as endorphin release and related mechanisms can reduce perceived pain during goal-directed effort. Overall, the findings highlight stress as a functional system that, when effectively regulated, can support endurance, focus, and adaptive responding rather than destabilization.

Eustress & Optimal Threshold + From Theory to Application: Regulating Stress for Resilience

The distinction between harmful and adaptive stress lies not in its presence, but in its regulation, where functioning is optimized within a specific range of physiological and psychological activation. Eustress, often referred to as “positive” stress, plays a critical role in maintaining both psychological and physical well-being. In its absence, individuals may experience reduced motivation and engagement. This form of stress promotes autonomy, supports physical development through challenges such as exercise and is associated with positive emotional states, including motivation and a sense of accomplishment. Eustress typically emerges when individuals are faced with demands that are perceived as manageable and within their capacity to handle. In contrast, distress represents the maladaptive form of stress, often characterized by feelings of anxiety, restlessness and psychological strain, along with a range of physical and mental health concerns. Distress is more likely to occur when situations are perceived as overwhelming, uncontrollable or excessively demanding. Importantly, stress does not operate on a linear spectrum but instead follows a threshold-based pattern, often described as the “optimal” or “Goldilocks” level of stress. It is the level of activation, rather than the presence of stress itself, that determines outcomes. Low levels of stress are associated with boredom, disengagement, and reduced motivation, while excessively high levels lead to anxiety and impaired functioning. Optimal stress exists between these extremes, facilitating focus, persistence, and goal-directed behavior. Central to this process is cognitive appraisal. How an individual perceives a situation determines how they respond to it, ultimately shaping whether the stress experienced becomes adaptive or maladaptive. Building on this framework, the goal is not to eliminate stress, but to engage in ways that regulate it so it operates within an optimal range. This can be achieved by shifting how stress is appraised, such as reframing challenges as manageable rather than threatening and by using regulation strategies that fit individual lifestyles. Paced breathing can help control physiological arousal, while structured self talk can enhance focus and cognitive control. It is also important to break larger demands into smaller, manageable steps to sustain engagement and prevent burnout or overload. Gradual exposure to challenging situations further strengthens tolerance and, over time, builds confidence and adaptability. Collectively, these approaches allow stress to function as a tool for growth, performance and resilience rather than avoidance.

Stress is not a flaw in functioning, but a signal of adaptation in progress.

References:

https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/body

https://www.psychologytoday.com

/https://kpproud-midatlantic.kaiserpermanente.org/stress-harmful-way-think/

https://ucfhealth.com/our-services/lifestyle-medicine/acute-vs-chronic-stress

https://www.emilyschupmann.com/blog/understanding-eustress-distress

https://news.fiu.edu/2026/stress-reshapes-brain-connections-and-boosts-resilience

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20046037

They Finally Left: Why Doesn’t It Feel Like Freedom?

Life shifts in quiet ways and for many women this shift is one of the most profound. Rooms full of sound now echo with space that is empty and waiting to be rediscovered. This is a journey of adjustment, reflection and a chance to reclaim yourself beyond the role of “mom”.

When The House Gets Quiet:

The house feels different now, quieter than it has been in years. Rooms that once hummed with laughter and chatter are suddenly silent, leaving a strange mix of calm and emptiness. Dinner is quiet, routines feel unfamiliar and the smallest moments carry a noticeable absence. Time stretches differently, no longer woven around someone else’s schedule. A quiet pause between the self you once knew, the self you lived as “mom” and the self you are reclaiming. This transition brings a swirl of emotions, confusion, loss and sadness as women adjust to a life without the demands that once kept them up at night. The parental role may shift, but it never disappears. Learning to accept the version of yourself that isn’t “mom” takes time and reflection. For some it is freeing, more space to breathe, waves of relief washing through. For others it means deeper connections with a partner while a handful carry the immense weight of missing the everyday moments with their children. In that stillness, the feeling settles into something far deeper than absence

More Than Missing:

Who am I, if I’m not just “mom”? It’s easy to feel as if you have disappeared into everyone else’s needs, quietly carrying anxiety, sleepless nights and the changes that menopause brings, yet so few reach out for help. Women often spend a great deal of time raising children, forming strong bonds that can make the transition into an empty nest especially difficult. Dr. Lisa Morrison, director of the BACP, states, “As a woman in midlife, you kind of lose yourself.. Many women are dealing with being the ‘filling’ in the middle of the sandwich between looking after children and also caring for older adults.” Her words highlight how midlife women often feel drained and invisible, caught between caring for others and neglecting themselves, which intensifies stress and emotional strain. This aligns with research on empty nest syndrome, which shows that feelings of loss, confusion and emotional strain can quickly lead to identity crisis, anxiety and depression among midlife women. A survey conducted by the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy found that “almost two-thirds of women over 50 struggle with their mental health. Nine out of 10 of the 2,000 women surveyed had not sought any help.” This demonstrates that while midlife mental health challenges are widespread, they remain largely invisible, underscoring the gap between need and access to support. These mental health struggles are often compounded by hormonal changes during menopause, including fatigue, night sweats and hot flashes, which can intensify the emotional burden and make seeking support even more difficult. Professor Pooja Saini, who studies suicide and self-harm prevention at Liverpool John Moores University, notes that historically, women’s midlife experiences including menopause have received limited medical attention, and symptoms such as low mood or fatigue have often been treated as purely psychological rather than physiological. She emphasizes the urgent need for accessible, community-based services designed around women’s lived experiences so they can receive timely support without fear of stigma. These observations show that systemic gaps in medical understanding and support leave women navigating midlife challenges alone, highlighting the importance of services that genuinely reflect their experiences. Ultimately, supporting women through midlife is more than treatment; it means recognizing the burdens we cannot see, providing services tailored to their needs and experiences as well as helping them reclaim their identity beyond caregiver roles.

Why It Feels So Hard:

The nest may be empty, but the heart feels full and not always in a good way. Women often experience emotional strain, social pressures and physical changes during this stage, making it difficult to navigate. The empty nest syndrome can bring significant distress, often resulting in increased stress, behavioral symptoms, depression and in older women, cognitive challenges. Some research even suggests that this distress can alter brain structure, memory and white matter. This transition can be particularly heavy for women who feel the loss of their parental role layered with other responsibilities, leaving them vulnerable to sadness, disconnection and a sense of emptiness. For women facing relationship struggles, low marital quality and limited social support add another layer to the emotional weight they carry. Cultural expectations can further complicate this stage, as women may feel pressure to adhere to family or societal norms about when children should leave the nest. This can result in guilt, shame and unnecessary stress if those expectations aren’t met. On top of this, because of the stronger emotional bonds mothers have with their children and the compounded effect of lost roles, they experience the empty nest more intensely than men, making the process feel even more disorienting. While we may understand these challenges, understanding alone does not make them disappear, but it helps explain why the nest feels so empty and sets the stage for the next chapter we are about to step into.

Rebuilding Life After The Nest:

Life doesn’t end here, it begins again, like a door opening into a version of yourself you haven’t met yet. An empty nest can be a positive time for women to rediscover themselves. For many, this serves as a time to reconnect with parts of themselves that have been tucked away for years such as indulging forgotten passions, exploring old interests and the simple joys that felt natural. It may also be the time to connect with those who have faded into the background, whether through rebuilding friendships or strengthening a relationship with a partner through time and shared experience, it is crucial to remain socially alive. Several studies show that women empty nesters show greater life satisfaction and improved relationships when they actively rebuild these connections. Now as daily demands decrease, you have the space to explore the things that bring a sense of fulfillment such as finally writing the book you have put off for years, traveling more frequently or simply letting curiosity lead. Many have a lot to say about you and your nest, about themselves and all the things that buzz in society. It is not the time to follow expectations, but the time to make choices that reflect your desires, goals and values. This is the moment to step into your own story, embracing the freedom to shape a life that is truly yours.

You can breathe now, mom. A girl. A woman. A mother. And beneath it all, always authentically yourself.

References:
https://apriljharris.com/finding-yourself-again-after-your-children-leave-home/ https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/mar/22/hidden-mental-health-crisis-gen-x-women?
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Anastasia-Bougea/publication/340102135_Empty-nest-relat ed_psychosocial_stress_Conceptual_issues_future_directions_in_economic_crisis/links/5e78ce3 b92851cf271a11449/Empty-nest-related-psychosocial-stress-Conceptual-issues-future-directions -in-economic-crisis.pdf

Different, Not Distant: Are We Misreading Social Behavior?

As a clinical psychologist, director of Group Therapy LA/NY and advisor at the UCLA PEERS Clinic, Dr. Cara Gardenswartz brings a distinctive voice to modern mental health care.

Daily social interactions rely on patterns we have come to recognize and expect over time. The ways people communicate, respond and connect are more complex than they appear. However, not all individuals experience or express these patterns in the same way. Familiar patterns create the illusion that all minds work the same way.

Understanding Developmental Differences:

What we often interpret as social difficulty may stem from differences in how the world is experienced and understood. Developmental disabilities are best understood as a group of conditions that typically emerge during early development, though they may also result from factors such as injury or infection, and they impact daily functioning across the lifespan. These conditions influence behavior, learning, physical abilities, language, and social interaction. While there is often no single identifiable cause, research suggests that risk factors may include genetics, birth complications, exposure to environmental toxins, and parental health and habits during pregnancy. These differences also extend to communication and social interaction. Neurodivergent individuals often vary in their communication styles, which can influence how they are perceived by others. In children, behaviors such as echolalia, the repetition of words or phrases, can serve as a way to develop language and communication skills. Similarly, parallel play, where individuals engage in activities alongside others without direct interaction, reflects an alternative form of social engagement rather than a lack of interest. Communication may also be more literal and direct. This style allows for clearer understanding but may lead to humor or figurative language being overlooked. As a result, responses may come across as blunt, even though they are intended to be efficient and precise. These approaches often support focus, comprehension, and effective response. At times, social interaction may feel overwhelming, making it difficult to elaborate or respond in the moment. Individuals may also engage in detailed and extended conversations, often referred to as “information dumping,” as a way of expressing strong interests, navigating social interaction, or building connections. Nonverbal behaviors can also differ, with variations in eye contact and personal space depending on comfort and sensory experience. Similarly, physical proximity may vary, with individuals moving closer to show engagement or creating space when feeling anxious or overstimulated. The challenge, then, lies not in the communication itself, but in how it is interpreted.

What We Define As “Social Behavior”:

Many of the behaviors we refer to as “social” are not universal, but learned expectations shaped by culture and environment. Social learning theory, developed by Albert Bandura, helps explain how these behaviors form. Emerging in early childhood, this theory suggests that individuals learn by observing others, retaining information, and imitating behaviors that are reinforced or rewarded. Over time, these learned patterns guide how we navigate everyday interactions. As a result, social norms often influence how we speak, behave, and present ourselves, though they may vary depending on context. Nonverbal cues such as body language, gestures, posture, tone, and eye contact are among the most common ways individuals express engagement, distance, confidence, intimacy, or discomfort in social settings. When these “invisible” social rules that structure comfort, order, trust, and connection are violated, individuals may be negatively perceived as less trustworthy, socially incompetent, or even hostile. As a result, social behavior is often judged against a standard that does not account for individual differences in communication and experience.

The Meaning Behind Behavior:

What we observe in social behavior does not always reflect what an individual intends or experiences. Neurotypical individuals often position what they perceive as “normal” behavior as the standard, using it to evaluate and interpret neurodivergent behaviors. This narrow framework fails to account for the ways neurodivergence shapes communication and interaction, often resulting in misinterpretations, social exclusion, and restricted social inclusion. Avoiding eye contact or remaining silent does not indicate a lack of interest or disregard; for many neurodivergent individuals, these behaviors serve as protective mechanisms that help prevent sensory overload, support emotional regulation, and allow time to process information. Similarly, direct or blunt communication is not a sign of rudeness, but rather a preference for clarity, honesty, and efficiency. Although these behaviors may be misinterpreted, perception does not always reflect reality. Research consistently challenges these assumptions, emphasizing the need for greater awareness. Furthermore, research shows that individuals with intellectual disabilities often face greater difficulty forming and maintaining friendships, with relationships sometimes lacking the warmth and reciprocity seen among neurotypical individuals. Challenging behaviors are also significantly more common among individuals with co-occurring autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, occurring at rates up to 4 times higher (Jacob et al., 2022). These findings further highlight how easily behavior can be misunderstood when viewed through a limited lens of interpretation. Rather than reacting defensively, it is essential to approach these differences with understanding and a willingness to learn about diverse forms of social interaction. When we shift our focus from judgment to understanding, behavior becomes clearer and connection becomes possible.

Supporting Meaningful Social Connection:

If social behavior is often misunderstood, then meaningful connection depends on our willingness to rethink how we engage with others. Over 61 million Americans live with a disability, representing approximately 1 in 4 individuals, highlighting the urgent need for meaningful change. Creating more inclusive connections begins with intentional change. By adopting a universal design approach, products and services can be structured to be more accessible, effective and accommodating, reducing barriers and easing everyday stress. Choosing person-first language, such as “person with a disability” rather than “disabled” or “handicapped person,” reflects a more respectful and human-centered approach to communication. Progress begins with intentional changes in how schools and workplaces communicate and support individuals with disabilities. Clear, thoughtful communication, along with accessible tools and inclusive spaces, allows individuals to feel comfortable and collaborate effectively with their peers, fostering meaningful social connections. Hosting events or inviting speakers who advocate for people with disabilities can further raise awareness and help normalize diverse experiences. At home, families serve as a foundation of support. By creating a safe and encouraging environment, they can help individuals with disabilities explore the world, better understand their experiences, and develop social skills at a pace that feels comfortable and empowering. Collectively, these approaches highlight that meaningful inclusion is achieved through consistent, intentional efforts across social, educational, and personal environments.

Connection is not about sameness, but about understanding.

References:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9513363/#s4

https://www.cdc.gov/disability-inclusion/strategies/index.html

https://www.cho7cdnt.ie/support/universal/understanding-different-communication-styles/

https://www2.hse.ie/babies-children/disabilities/communication/communication-neurodivergent/

https://www.perkins.org/9-simple-ways-to-foster-disability-inclusion-at-work-school-and-at-home/

https://www.cdc.gov/disability-and-health/articles-documents/communicating-with-and-about-people-with-disabilities.html

How to Read Body Language: Nonverbal Communication Tips

https://www.cdc.gov/child-development/about/developmental-disability-basics.html#:~:text=Developmental%20disabilities%20are%20a%20group%20of%20conditions,*%20Fragile%20X%20syndrome%20*%20Tourette%20syndrome

The Aging Mind: Can Cognitive Training Reduce The Risk Of Dementia?

Cognitive decline is one of the most common concerns people face as they grow older. Many begin to wonder what they can do to keep their minds sharp and avoid mental decline. Cognitive aging generally occurs in 2 forms: normal and pathological. Normal cognitive aging involves gradual changes in fluid abilities such as memory, multitasking and processing speed, while crystallized abilities like knowledge and vocabulary often remain stable or even improve over time. In contrast, pathological aging, such as Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, involves more severe symptoms including difficulty communicating, increased forgetfulness of new information, and repeated questioning. Due to these differences, both researchers and the public have become increasingly interested in whether cognitive training and brain games can help maintain or improve mental performance.

The Study That Sparked Discussion:

Short bursts of brain training may do more than previously thought. A study conducted in 1998, known as the ACTIVE study, compared several forms of brain training, including exercises targeting memory, reasoning, and processing speed. The results revealed that only participants who completed the speed-training exercises experienced a reduced risk of dementia. Remarkably, just 10 hours of training, paired with a few booster sessions, made a measurable difference. Speed training works by engaging our ability to learn complex information from our environment and improving automatic, real-world cognitive skills. To explore whether longer-term training could offer even greater benefits, the National Institute of Health launched the PACT (Preventing Alzheimer’s with Cognitive Training) study, which involves 45 sessions over several years with 7,500 participants aged 65 and older; results are still pending. Meanwhile, BrainHQ, a company that calls itself “your brain’s gym,” has popularized speed-training exercises in the form of short, adaptive games. These exercises gradually increase in difficulty to challenge users and may help reverse aspects of cognitive aging. What started as a handful of brain- training sessions has proven capable of producing measurable, long term benefits for cognitive health.

Do ‘Brain Games’ Actually Work?:

Warnings about video game addictions didn’t prepare us for the surprising ways some games can improve cognitive function. One example comes from George Kovach,74, who started cognitive speed training a decade ago through BrainHQ, containing similar exercises used in the ACTIVE study. Kovach describes his sessions as challenging,yet rewarding, “I think I’ve done over 1,300 sessions. These things are hard, but you do get better at it. I look at it like doing sit-ups”. He works hard to keeps body as healthy as his brain through regular exercises and a heart-healthy diet; showing just how much a combination of mental and physical fitness can support cognitive aging. While there isn’t yet enough evidence to single out one specific game that improves cognitive function, research suggests that computerized brain-training exercises can strengthen executive function, verbal and working memory, processing speed, and spatial cognition. Other activities may also boost brain health. Playing 3D video games consistently over a 2 week period has been shown to improve cognition, while number puzzles enhance attention, memory, and reasoning, sometimes putting cognitive performance on par with people eight years younger. Regularly solving crossword puzzles has also been shown to delay memory decline by about 2.5 years. Whether completed on paper or digitally, these exercises remain effective even for those with mild cognitive impairment. Together, these findings highlight that staying mentally engaged through various exercises, from structured brain training to puzzles, can play a meaningful role in cognitive health as we age.

What Cognitive Training Actually Targets:

Cognitive training is often discussed as a way to sharpen the mind, but its benefits extend far beyond entertainment. Research reveals that mentally stimulating activities target specific cognitive abilities and regions in the brain associated with learning, memory and problem solving. Schulz and colleagues recruited 329 cognitively normal adults aged 43-73 from the Wisconsin Registry for Alzheimer’s Prevention to examine how cognitive activity relates to brain health. Participants reported how often they engaged in mentally stimulating activities using a modified version of the Cognitive Activity Scale (CAS), which included activities such as reading, playing games or completing puzzles, watching television, and listening to the radio. The researchers also expanded the scale to include activities more common for a younger population, such as attending classes, going to concerts or plays, and using a personal computer during leisure time. Participants rated how frequently they engaged in each activity on a 5 point Likert scale and completed MRI scans to examine brain structure. In addition, participants completed cognitive tests measuring abilities such as episodic memory, working memory and executive function, which allowed researchers to examine how these activities relate to key aspects of cognitive performance. The results of the study revealed that those who engaged more frequently in games and puzzles performed better on measures of cognitive flexibility and memory. Such activities were associated with greater GM (gray matter) volume in brain regions associated with memory and Alzheimer’s disease. These benefits were also observed in individuals at higher risk for Alzheimer’s. Game-based activities appeared to have a significant association with brain health more strongly than general cognitive activity overall.

Mental Fitness Beyond Brain Games:

Despite the growing popularity of brain games and training programs, cognitive health, particularly in later life, is shaped by the ways we challenge and engage our minds in everyday life. Managing high blood pressure is critical in maintaining brain health. Though on the surface it does not appear to reflect a clear link to cognitive function, research suggests that cardiovascular health is closely connected to brain health. Individuals 50 and over who have reduced their blood pressure to 120 mmHg or lower have significantly reduced their risk of developing dementia. Research on diets and dementia risk is still evolving; some studies suggest that staying hydrated and following the MIND diet, a combination of the Mediterranean diet and the Dietary Approaches To Stop Hypertension diet, may aid in the reduction of Alzheimer’s risk and slow cognitive decline. Multivitamins may also support memory and cognitive function in older adults. Physical activity offers numerous benefits for both physical and cognitive health; moderate levels of exercise have been shown to increase the brain’s ability to convert glucose to energy, which may help reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s. Exercise has also been linked to the increase in structural brain size associated with learning and memory. The Office of the Assistant Secretary for Health recommends that adults engage in a minimum of 2.5 hours of physical activity weekly. Engaging in meaningful activities can reduce boredom and stress, boost mood, memory, increase self esteem and improve overall quality of life. Creative outlets such as music, writing and artist pursuits may provide additional cognitive benefit, though further research is needed. These findings emphasize that preserving cognitive health requires a holistic approach that integrates daily engagement, lifestyle habits and physical health.

Cognitive aging is a complex process influenced by both biological changes and lifestyle factors.While research suggests the significance of targeted cognitive exercises to improve mental abilities, but diet, physical activity, cardiovascular health and meaningful daily engagement are critical in maintaining cognitive wellbeing throughout life. The aging brain is not a passive process of decline, but a system that responds to how we choose to engage it.

References:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4417099/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4417099/
https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/4-worthwhile-brain-games-older-adults-3

https://www.npr.org/2026/02/18/nx-s1-5716010/brain-training-exercise-cut-dementia-risk-decades

Carrying More Than History: Mental Health & The Cost of Silence

Mental health stigma remains a significant barrier to care across multiple communities. Within the Black community, stigma is shaped by historical trauma, long standing mistrust of healthcare systems and expectations of strength. During Black History Month, it is important to not only celebrate resilience but also examine mental health challenges that continue to affect access to culturally and racially informed care.

How Stigma Developed

Understanding stigma surrounding mental health in Black communities requires a historical lens. Starting from the enslavement of African Americans, through legal segregation to now ongoing structural racism, the Black community has faced systemic barriers that have shaped rigid attitudes towards mental health and help-seeking behaviors. Generations of oppression have fostered mistrust of healthcare systems, while reliance on community, family and faith has served as protective mechanisms, and at times a source of stigma around professional care. Although racism today is more subtle, its impact remains critical, contributing to increased stress and disparities in diagnosis, access and treatment quality.

Impact on Mental Health Care

The impact of mental health stigma within Black communities extends far beyond attitudes toward seeking treatment and is reflected in disparities in diagnosis, overall psychological wellbeing and mistrust or fear of healthcare systems. Black communities and other minority populations who are exposed to discrimination, prejudice and racism have been found to be more susceptible to several mental health conditions including emotional dysregulation, depression and anxiety. As a result of prolonged periods of systemic inequalities, the prevalence of schizophrenia and PTSD in African American individuals has been reported at higher rates compared to non Black individuals with the same symptoms. These patterns not only influence treatment outcomes but also the mistrust and further delay engagement in care.

Protective Factors and Resilience

Although stigma and systemic inequalities present ongoing challenges, they coexist with powerful protective factors that sustain mental health and resilience in Black communities. Research demonstrates that positive racial identity and private regard function as protective factors against the psychological effects of discrimination. Stronger racial identity has been linked to lower depressive and anxiety symptoms, greater use of coping strategies and reduced engagement in aggressive behaviors. Additionally, higher private regard has been shown to buffer the effects of racism and community violence on mental health outcomes. Positive racial identity, when coupled with stable and affirming relationships within family and community, creates a powerful foundation for psychological resilience.

How Clinicians Can Respond

Addressing stigma in clinical settings involves education, culturally informed engagement and the intentional building of trust. While demographics and individual differences affect the generalizability of stigma reduction strategies, one’s initial perspective on mental illness and treatment can strongly influence the willingness to engage in care and responsiveness to interventions designed to meet specific needs. Prior research indicates that effective approaches to reduce stigma focus equally on attitudes and behaviors. Clinicians can help clients normalize mental health challenges, develop pride in seeking care and learn to prioritize wellbeing over judgement. Behavioral approaches may include identifying trusted social support systems, encouraging engagement in these systems and making informed decisions about with whom and how much they share regarding their mental health. When clinicians integrate these approaches thoughtfully, they not only support clients but also contribute to reducing stigma while honoring resilience and the lived experiences of Black communities.

Black History Month should serve as an opportunity to recognize the strength and ongoing healing in Black communities. Reducing stigma requires sustained awareness, cultural humility, equitable access to care and community engagement. While resilience should be honored, it should not serve as a replacement for the right to receive individualized and culturally informed support.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8496896/

https://deconstructingstigma.org/guides/black-mental-health

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/00957984241249360

Beyond the Basics: What Sex Education Should Really Teach Young Women

It was not until well into my undergraduate career at UCLA that I learned the menstrual cycle had four distinct phases—or that there was only a roughly six-day fertility window each month to get pregnant. Likewise, it was only after experiencing hypothalamic amenorrhea (the loss of a period for more than three months) that I discovered a startling reality: women reach peak bone density in their mid-20s, and after age 30, it gradually begins to decline—and all of this is directly tied to hormone health.

These realizations, which came embarrassingly late in my college education, mirrored many of the points addressed by reproductive endocrinologist Dr. Jaime Knopman and Rebecca Raphael in their book Own Your Fertility: From Egg Freezing to Surrogacy, How to Take Charge of Your Body and Your Future, which has been a large inspiration for this article. This discussion expands upon and reemphasizes several of the key topics she identifies as essential for making “The Talk” more holistic and comprehensive for young people today.

Egg-freezing

Egg-freezing has unlocked the ability to “pause” our biological clock, giving women more autonomy over when—and with whom—we decide to get pregnant than ever before in history. This form of assisted reproductive technology (ART) involves a round of hormone therapy over a 10–12 day period to help harvest and extract a larger number of mature eggs in a single time frame. Once extracted—via a short, 20–30 minute medical procedure—the eggs are “frozen” through a process called vitrification and stored in an embryology lab. Alongside in vitro fertilization (IVF), egg-freezing, as Dr. Knopman points out, demonstrates that there are multiple ways to build a family. It provides a valuable alternative for those struggling with fertility, those in same-sex relationships, or anyone who wants to have a family on their own terms.

Painful periods shouldn’t be the mainstay

Another issue not talked about enough is the presence (and concern) of recurring pain during menstruation. More often than not, complaints of cramps during “that time of the month” are brushed off. However, painful menstruation shouldn’t be ignored—it can signal an underlying issue such as polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), endometriosis, or ovarian cysts, which can be identified by seeing an OBGYN and undergoing an ultrasound or pelvic screening. Conditions like endometriosis and PCOS affect nearly 10% of women worldwide, with up to 70% of cases undiagnosed.

Depending on the state, free and low-cost sexual health clinics are available to adolescents and young adults, offering services including low-cost gynecological exams, birth control options, and confidential medical advising. College universities often offer similar resources, as well as contraception counseling, STI testing, and referrals for specialized care.
Sex education should emphasize that young people have resources available to them and that they don’t have to suffer in silence or navigate sexual health concerns alone.

Prioritizing bone density

Equally important to teaching sexual health is helping women understand how hormone health affects bone density.
Few people recognize that female bone mineral density (BMD) is only accrued in adolescence (ages 11–14) and early adulthood (18–25), with maximum density peaking around age 25. After this age, bone density begins to gradually decline, increasing the risk for osteoporosis in later life, especially during menopause when estrogen levels dramatically drop. To maximize starting BMD, limiting caloric and energy deficits in the growing years is crucial; likewise, maintaining a healthy body mass index (BMI) for weight and height can help ensure regular menstrual cycles and proper hormone fluctuations.

It’s important to recognize that adolescents who engage in disordered eating—and even those who don’t restrict caloric needs purposefully, such as high-level female athletes whose sports demand elevated energy expenditures—are at an increased risk of harming bone health and developing osteoporosis.

Educating young women on bone density, emphasizing best practices, and looking out for warning signs of eating disorders or relative energy deficiency in sport—commonly referred to as RED-S—prioritizes young girls’ health for decades to come.

If you’re looking to read more about how modern sex education could be revamped—or simply wish to better understand mainstream fertility practices—board-certified reproductive endocrinologist Dr. Jaime Knopman and Rebecca Raphael’s book offers a valuable perspective.

Psychological Testing Explained: Understanding the Process, the Tests, and When it Can Help

The thought of psychological testing can sound daunting. What if the clinician judges my eccentricities? What if they label me with several mental health problems? What if they misdiagnose me? While these thoughts may be real fears, psychological testing is similar to any other examination a medical professional undergoes. Just as your optometrist administers an eye exam or your primary care doctor conducts an annual physical, psychological testing is a systematic, scientifically validated approach to identifying mental health conditions, cognitive deficits, and learning disabilities.

How Psychological Assessments Are Completed

There are several categories of psychological tests, and your administering psychologist will determine which combination is most appropriate based on self-report, personal history, and presenting cognitive or behavioral problems. Broadly, some of the ways clinicians collect data include:

Clinical interviews: Psychologists get to know the patient, their presenting symptoms, and relevant personal and family history, typically through open-ended or semi-structured questions.

Norm-referenced testing: Psychologists use standardized tests to compare an individual’s performance on cognitive, behavioral, or attention tasks to a population of similar age and developmental level in order to identify significant deviations.

Observational data: This involves observing individuals in either naturalistic or laboratory settings to evaluate behavior.

Types of Psychological Tests

Socio-emotional tests: These tests assess mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-esteem. They can help diagnose anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism, and other developmental disorders.

Neuropsychological tests: These include a battery of tests used to assess cognitive functioning and interpret underlying brain dysfunction. Clinicians use these tests to differentiate ADHD and learning disorders from other neurological conditions such as epilepsy, dementia, traumatic brain injury (TBI), and stroke.

Intelligence or cognitive tests: IQ tests assess general intellectual capacity, such as problem-solving and reasoning. They help determine discrepancies between verbal and nonverbal skills and identify the presence of intellectual disability. Cognitive tests, on the other hand, assess specific cognitive domains—such as working memory, processing speed, attention, and executive functioning—in isolation.

Behavioral observation: During assessment, clinicians will often take note of the patient’s emotional state, reactivity, speech patterns, attention, and distractibility. In combination with standardized assessments, behavioral observation can provide a more complete picture of the presenting problem and support accurate diagnosis.

When Should You Complete Psychological Testing?

For yourself: Psychological testing can be useful if you are experiencing mood disturbances, personality or behavioral shifts, or difficulties in attention or cognition that are impacting daily functioning. Testing can clarify diagnoses for disorders that often present with overlapping symptoms—such as anxiety versus depressive disorders—and guide future treatment options.

For a loved one or child: If your child is struggling academically or experiencing behavioral or conduct problems, psychological testing may be a useful first intervention. Early detection of neurodevelopmental disorders or learning disabilities can help ensure your child receives appropriate support and stays on track developmentally, socially, and academically.

Thyroid and Mental Health

When Feeling “Off” Isn’t Just in Your Head

Another referral to another doctor. Many people recognize this pattern all too well. Vague symptoms–fatigue, insomnia, low mood, weight changes, and brain fog–point to something amiss but don’t provide easy clarity.

Before going down the rabbit hole of appointments and specialists, there could be a rather simple biological fix: your thyroid. Many people don’t know the role this small glad in your neck plays beyond regulating hormones, but it is crucial to mental health and brain function.

The American Thyroid Association reports that an estimated 20 million Americans have some sort of thyroid issue, yet up to 60% are unaware or undiagnosed. Moreover, women are five to 8 times more likely to have a thyroid disease compared to men.

Despite how common thyroid disease is to the general population, without routine blood tests, abnormalities go unreported.

Hypothyroidism vs Hyperthyroidism

Hypothyroidism occurs when your body makes less than normal amounts of thyroid hormones. This can manifest physically as feeling cold, constant fatigue, constipation, hair thinning, and lowered metabolism. Common causes include Hashimoto’s Syndrome, an autoimmune disorder, iodine deficiency, or surgical removal of the thyroid gland. Conversely, hyperthyroidism occurs when your thyroid gland is overactive. Grave’s disease or taking too much thyroid medication can precipitate this. People may feel anxious, report a rapid heartbeat, have difficulty sleeping, or experience unexpected weight loss.

How can Thyroid problems affect mental health?

An under or over-active thyroid can cause mental symptoms including anxiety, difficulty sleeping, or mimic the mood and cognitive symptoms of depression. In both cases, thyroid issues are linked with mania and can cause people to just feel “off.”

What tests should I ask for?

The good news is these conditions are treatable. If you are experiencing several of the symptoms listed and they are not explained better by a preexisting health condition, it may be a good idea to get your hormones checked.

Key Hormone players include:

• TSH: Thyroid stimulating hormone activates the thyroid to tell it the quantity of thyroid hormones that should be produced.
• T4 (Thyroxine): One of the main hormones produced by the thyroid, low levels of T4 seen in blood tests may indicate hypothyroidism.
• T3 (Triiodothyronine): T3 is directly responsible for regulating heart rate, energy levels, and metabolism. Low or high levels of this hormone may indicate a thyroid issue and manifest as different mood and cognitive symptoms including anxiety, mania, brain fog, and depression-like symptoms.

If you are feeling unlike yourself, checking your thyroid isn’t an overreaction– it’s a great first step to rule out a biological explanation which is both easily identifiable and treatable.

The Rise of AI in Therapy: Promise, Pitfalls, and the Path Forward

It is indisputable that in recent years, artificial intelligence has become increasingly integrated into many aspects of daily life, from retail and customer service to healthcare. Among one of the most promising yet complex areas of development is the use of AI in therapy and mental health support. At the center of this new adaptation is chatbots. These systems are designed to converse and interact with humans using spoken, written, or even visual language.

Originally developed for retail and customer service to handle individuals’ inquiries and transactions, chatbots have evolved into tools capable of engaging in meaningful, emotionally attuned conversations. Recent research suggests they hold significant potential in healthcare, offering cost-effective ways to treat patients, provide mental health support, and increase access to care in underserved regions.

How users perceive AI

A study by the National Library of Medicine explored how users perceive AI chatbots designed for therapeutic or wellness purposes. The results revealed that human-like and personalized interactions were positively received, often making users feel understood and supported. However, the same human-likeness can also lead to complications. When the chatbots began making assumptions about users’ personalities or intentions, it caused a loss in interest and a developing skepticality of the chatbots’ authenticity.

The study also touched on the double-edged feature of AI: constant availability. Chatbots are very valuable during moments of distress or crisis considering that they are accessible 24/7. However, this constant availability conceives and fosters an overreliance in individuals, potentially deepening social isolation. In fact, some users report preferring chatbot conversations over real interactions with their friends and family, which could develop into deeper issues down the road.

Another advancement of AI therapy is that it is not limited to geographic, and even financial barriers, allowing it to reach people across the globe. Unlike traditional therapy, AI tools do not depend on a physical presence. This may be particularly important in areas where mental health professionals are scarce. Furthermore, studies even show that individuals are often more comfortable when disclosing sensitive information to AI, as it is perceived as a less judgmental nature. This in turn may lead to more honest exchanges. This raises an important question though: are these systems capable of responding appropriately to that honesty?

Risks of AI

While AI can offer valuable tools and support, it cannot replace the human elements of healing. Digital systems can provide mood trackers, reminders, or educational resources between therapy sessions, but they lack the depth and ethical judgment of trained professionals.

The core limitations of AI in therapy stem from its absence of genuine empathy and its dependence on predefined algorithms. When working with clients, human therapists will use their own emotional understanding to build trust and rapport, as well as relying on professional intuition and ethical judgment to guide their practice. Therapists will read tone, body language, and subtle shifts in emotion to adapt their approach in real time, something that AI still struggles to achieve.

Even the most advanced models like GPT-4 and its successors face challenges with long-term memory and continuity. Without these capabilities of genuine recall, these systems struggle to maintain a coherent therapeutic relationship over time, negatively impacting the experience for the clients.

Bias and inequity also pose serious concerns. As researchers from the NIH highlight, AI systems inherit the biases present in their training data. This could potentially result in unequal treatment across race, gender, or socioeconomic lines, potentially reinforcing disparities that already exist in mental healthcare.

Finally, while AI-based interventions have shown short-term effectiveness in reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression, their long-term efficacy remains uncertain. Many studies find that initial improvements fade over time, suggesting that AI tools may be best viewed as supplements, not substitutes, for professional care.

How to move forward

Human-like chatbots can provide meaningful social support, especially for those who struggle to access or afford therapy. However, both developers and users must recognize their limitations. The most responsible path forward is one of integration, not replacement. While AI will continue to transform how mental health care is delivered, healing remains a human process. Technology can guide, inform, and support, but empathy, intuition, and human presence are what make therapy truly transformative.

Managing stress during the holiday season

December 1st can feel like the starting line of a race. It is a sprint to Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever holiday you may celebrate – full of family reunions, travel plans, and endless coordination. The stressors of deciding who to celebrate with, what gifts to buy, and how to fit everything onto an already full schedule can feel daunting. And then comes the rush toward New Year’s, bringing the pressure to set new resolutions while remembering the ones from last year that may have gone untouched. Time in these few months can feel compressed, as if everything is happening faster than you can keep up.

Beneath the surface of holiday cheer lies a real tension. Grocery aisles and stores overflow with crowds. Group chats buzz as everyone tries to find a time for dinners and gatherings. Workplaces become high-stress zones as people race to finish tasks before time off. It can feel like everyone is paddling hard just to stay afloat.
Holiday stress can come from many places: the expectation that the season should feel endlessly joyful, financial pressures, complicated family dynamics, or, on the other end, loneliness and disrupted routines. Whatever the source, these feelings are real and valid.

That is why mindfulness becomes especially important during the holiday season. Neda Gould, clinical psychologist and director of the Johns Hopkins Mindfulness Program, describes mindfulness as “bringing your attention to the present moment with an element of nonjudgment and acceptance. It is [noticing] when we get caught up in thoughts about the past or the future, and return our attention to the present — the only reality,”.

A key part of her definition is nonjudgment. Accepting the inevitability of imperfection is essential during the holidays. It may seem as if everyone else has everything perfectly arranged: the decorated home, the scheduled dinners, the calm demeanor. But comparing your life to these appearances, or criticizing yourself for not being perfectly organized, only fuels more stress. Imperfection is normal and healthy, especially during a season overflowing with expectations.

In stressful moments, it also helps to remind yourself why you’re doing all of this. How fortunate you are to have people you love enough to want to plan for or impress. How fortunate you are to have a home to decorate or friends and family to give gifts to. Stress can blur your perspective, making small frustrations feel overwhelming. But you have the ability to redirect your attention. When you’re standing in a long shopping line, try not to let frustration take over. Instead, recall a few good moments from your day or strike up a conversation with someone nearby.

Prioritizing your tasks is another powerful tool. Start by listing everything you hope or need to do this season. Then identify what truly matters most. When your mind feels foggy with stress, having a clear, written outline can bring you back to center and help you stay grounded.

Mindfulness can also involve simple physical practices, such as mindful breathing. It may sound small, even silly, but in moments when everything feels like it’s spinning, having a breathing technique ready can make a real difference. For example, try what is often called “Box breathing”. This technique involves four steps: inhaling, holding your breath, exhaling, and holding again. These steps are each usually done for 4 seconds each.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, start each day with gratitude. Before reaching for your phone or diving into your routine, pause and name three things you’re grateful for. You can write them down, say them aloud, or simply think them. This practice can shift your mindset before the stress of the day has a chance to creep in.

While the holiday season can be stressful, it’s worth remembering what that stress often stems from: love. You stress because you care, and you care because you love someone or something deeply. When the season feels overwhelming, recenter yourself on that truth. Gratitude and love are powerful anchors and they can help carry you through even the busiest of holidays.

A new chapter begins: Embracing life after retirement

While the French translation of retirement is “withdrawal,” this step does not have to be as simple and isolating as its origins suppose. The official age of retirement in the U.S. is 65, but many put off this step as long as possible; it seems to mark the end of something rather than the beginning. It doesn’t have to be this way though – reframing how we view retirement can help us see the opportunity, freedom, and excitement that accompanies a new chapter in life.

Why are people so afraid to retire?

Many individuals have invested deeply in their work and take great pride in their accomplishments. Work often provides more than a paycheck–it gives us identity, purpose, and meaningful social connections. Work provides a structure to our weeks – a reason to wake up early and get the day started. Through work, individuals connect with co-workers and develop meaningful relationships. So, when that structure disappears, it can leave a void. It’s not just the job that ends–it’s the routine, the daily social contract, the sense of achievement. That’s a lot to walk away from.

Loss of identity

For some, retirement may feel like stepping into the unknown. A person’s career can significantly shape how they view themselves and how others perceive them. Often individuals define themselves by the role they hold in their workplace setting — after all work can take up a large proportion of an individual’s day, and thus be where they draw much of their validation from.

If career was a primary source of how individuals perceive themselves, changes in an individual’s career path, such as a retirement, can lead to an identity crisis. How do I define myself if not for my job? Especially if an individual’s work and home life have been strongly meshed together, it can be challenging to separate one’s identity from work.

Retirement can also uproot people from the comfort of their routine, which can be unsettling. Without such a big chunk of time no longer dedicated to work, individuals may feel overwhelmed with the abundance of free time and authority they have over how they spend their days. The freedom can even be anxiety-producing – the fear of “wasting time” can be paralyzing.

Redefining your purpose and identity

The good news is that retirement doesn’t have to be an ending – it can be an opportunity to redefine what brings meaning to your life.

• Volunteering is a powerful way to stay connected and feel purposeful, which can combat feelings of loneliness or depression. While volunteering helps for the obvious reasons, in providing support to your greater community, it can help the individual who is doing the work in many ways as well. Feeling as if you are working towards helping a cause bigger than yourself can provide the feeling of purpose that your job once did.
• Mentoring is another rewarding way to spend your time. When individuals retire, they take with them all the knowledge and experiences they have accumulated over the years. They also take with them their living experiences – what they’ve learned in the relationships they’ve built, their career, working with others, and managing their lives balancing work and home. Mentoring in many ways can be like volunteering, but in a more personal and intimate setting. It can help you feel like you are doing something meaningful with your time by providing others with different pieces of advice. Also, it may be a chance for you to learn from the younger generation – as they are experiencing the world in a much different time than you did, and may have valuable insights you can apply to your own life.
• Passion projects and new hobbies are finally within reach. These projects are more self-directed initiatives that may be drawn from your own personal interests or curiosities. This can range from writing a novel to starting a blog to doing some form of artistic expression. It is time for you to do that thing you have always been passionate about but did not align with your career tasks.

Health and wellness

With work behind you, it is a perfect chance to focus on your mental and physical well being. Engaging in activities that challenge your mind – such as learning a new language or taking a class or reading – can keep life interesting, and your mind sharp. Growth and learning don’t have to stop when work ends—in fact, continuing to challenge yourself can help life feel vibrant and engaging.
Staying physically active can also help your mental and physical health. Regular exercise can boost your mood and help regulate stress levels. The time that you once had dedicated towards your job can now be redirected to take care of your body and prioritize your health – two things are especially important as you get older.

Social environment and relationships

A lot of socializing happens at work – chatting with someone in the office next to you, going to get dinner after a long day at work, or attending world-related events. Without these built-in interactions, it’s easy to feel isolated. That is why it is so important to build a new social rhythm. Whether this be a book club, playing mahjong nightly with your friends, social connection is key to emotional health.

This is also time for you to rebuild or strengthen your personal relationships that might have lost your attention when you were at work. Go get coffee with that friend you haven’t seen in awhile. Take advantage of the time you have to strengthen those relationships with your family or your friends.

Spending time with your friends or family could even come in the form of traveling. A lot of people take time during retirement to travel – and for a good reason. Traveling offers a break from daily routines, which can significantly reduce your stress levels. New environments and experiences can also enhance mental clarity – almost serving as a reset in your mind.

After retiring you have arguably more freedom than you have ever had in your life. Old enough to make your own decisions unlike your teens. Financially more stable than you were in your 20’s. Less ties down with kids or a job as you were in your 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s. Retirement should be an exciting opportunity in your life to focus your attention on the things that matter the most to you, or the things that excite you. Retirement isn’t just a closing chapter. It’s an open invitation to live on your own terms.

Rewiring the aging brain: How neuroplasticity powers lifelong growth

Have you ever heard the saying: “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”? It’s a phrase often used to suggest that change becomes impossible with age. Unfortunately, this limiting belief is often applied to humans too. Many individuals are under the belief that your brain plasticity peaks when you are younger and then continues to decline with the rest of your cognitive function as you age. That’s not a very inspiring outlook on aging, is it? It suggests that at some point, your mental abilities begin an inevitable downhill slide. What if I told you that neuroplasticity doesn’t actually get worse as you age – and in fact, it is more important than ever as you get older to harness the flexibility and adaptation that your brain has.

Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections in response to experiences, learning, and environmental changes. Our brain is made up of millions of neurons that process information and communicate it through a complex network of different electrical circuits. Neuroplasticity can encompass many different processes: synaptic plasticity, functional reorganization, and diaschisis – that help the brain adapt, recover from damage, and strengthen existing pathways.

Much of the information behind this misconception of “losing neuroplasticity” comes from the fact that at a young age your brain is still developing. It has an abundance of young neurons that can take in new information quickly, leaving a lot of opportunity for your brain to adapt and grow. It’s true that brain development slows in the mid-to-late 20s and that brain volume may gradually decrease over time. However, this shrinkage is not synonymous with a loss of neuroplasticity. You can retrain your brain, learn new skills, and build new neural pathways regardless of your age.

Can the brain actually improve as a result of experience

One of the most compelling data related to the plasticity of the aging brain comes from that of stroke patients. These patients have experienced significant damage to their brain, whether due to a neural bleed or blood clot, impacting their behavioral function. However, through therapy, these patients have shown incredible recovery, which can be attributed to the plastic changes in brain function. The impacted part of the brain in this patient has literally shut down and thus the brain must take advantage of any plasticity that is available to restore its function.

However, it is only when an individual experiences this substantial damage that the plasticity will manifest itself. Other functions in a normal, undamaged brain may take more training to increase this plasticity. For instance, an adult who is learning how to drive a new route in their town will need to draw on their working memory and attentional resources. Plasticity in the brain, however, would only result if the adult repeated this task of driving to new and confusing places and from it was able to develop good driving skills. Repeating this activity may result in the neural reorganization and even enhancement of certain brain processes that are utilized in navigation.

This process is shown in a study on London taxi drivers. These taxi drivers, who undergo extensive spatial navigation training are shown to have increased gray matter volume in the posterior hippocampus, a brain region associated with spatial memory. This shows how experience, navigational demands, can physically reshape the brain.

Evidence that shows neuroplasticity in adults is high

Currently research supports the fact that the adult brain is far from being fixed in one way. There are factors such as stress, adrenal hormones, neurotransmitters, drugs – and the list goes on — that may induce some morphological changes in the brain.
A strong stimulus that sparks neuroplastic changes, and proves that our brain is not finished morphing at a certain age, is stress. Repeated stress can impact the morphology of certain neurons in various brain areas. For one, the hippocampus system that regulates stress response has repeatedly shown retraction of dendrites in certain neurons after chronic stress.

An interesting phenomenon in adult neuroplasticity is adult neurogenesis, the generation of new neurons in adult brains. Most cells of the body such as blood cells or those in the gut, have been regarded as nonrenewable. And although most neurons of the adult nervous system cannot renew themselves, the adult brain compensates for damage by generating new connections among neurons that survive. The existence of neurogenesis in the adult human brain was shown in cancer patients who were injected with BrdU to monitor tumor cell proliferation. Since BrdU has been administered throughout the hippocampus, it should have been that all dividing cells were labeled. However, newborn neurons were detected unlabelled, and from there it became accepted that adult neurogenesis exists.

What constitutes evidence for neuroplasticity?

Some individuals were under the belief that neuroplasticity is related to actual brain volume. However, the evidence supporting this belief has mostly been ambiguous. Research shows that adults who engaged in aerobic exercise daily were able to prevent shrinkage of their pre-frontal cortex and even gain some brain volume in the hippocampal and nucleus accumbens region. These regions are both correlated with neuroplasticity, so this finding was important. However, these gains were not sustained for a 90-day period where the individuals stopped this repeated activity. With these findings, it seems that there still is not strong evidence that one can improve plasticity and the size of the brain through training.

Again there seems to be ambiguity with whether neural activation is tied to brain plasticity. Research findings vary: some studies show a decreased neural activation after training, which could be tied to increased efficiency. On the other hand, some findings show increased activation, which may be related to compensatory mechanisms.

Clinical significance

There are several clinical treatment options that can be used to support neuroplasticity as it restores function and treats symptoms in impacted individuals. One treatment option, for instance, is mirror therapy – where an amputated individual focuses on watching their intact limb perform activities in order to increase activation and connectivity in the part of the brain responsible for motor movements on the both sides of the body.

A treatment used in patients with a stroke is constrain-induced movement therapy. This is where the patient’s functional limb is constrained and the affected limb engages in a repetitive task practice and behavioral shaping.

How to maintain neuroplasticity

Why is neuroplasticity important to a typical individual? Neuroplasticity on top of giving hope to the aging brain, is also a strong preventative factor to whatever the years of aging may bring. It is important to do what you can to keep your brain young and flexible to whatever it may encounter.

Sleep is one of the most important ways to maintain your brain health, including the neuroplasticity of your brain. During sleep the brain clears itself out of toxins such as the amyloid protein, which can interfere with different brain functions. On top of helping to strengthen your memories, sleep is important in regulating emotions and bridging together knowledge with prior experiences. Remember that a healthy body supports a healthy brain – and one of the first rule of thumbs in taking care of yourself is prioritizing sleep.

Physical activity increases blood flow to the brain and reduces stress and inflammation – both of which help to preserve cognitive abilities. Also, among the most important neurotrophins involved in neuroplasticity is brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF). Research shows that low levels of BDNF are correlated with cognitive decline – which affects memory, concentration, and learning ability. Aerobic exercise is involved in triggering the release of these brain growth factors – highlighting a direct correlation between exercise and neuroplasticity. Additionally, another source of research has shown improvement from exercise in the processing speed as well as decreasing age-related atrophy of the hippocampus.

Reducing stress is important when taking care of your brain health. One way to reduce stress may be through meditation. Chronic stress can increase cortisol levels, a hormone that can damage neurons and interfere with neuroplasticity. Research suggests that meditation can spark different structural changes in the brain that may impact how you process information. Other stress-reducing activities include spending time in nature, journaling, practicing deep breathing, engaging in creative pursuits, and ensuring downtime throughout your week.

Neuroplasticity is important for growth, but also for protection. Having a strong and flexible brain can help you recover from different injuries or diseases. Don’t let outdated beliefs convince you that age limits your brain’s potential. Your mind is capable of remarkable change at any stage of life.

Intergenerational trauma: Psychological wounds don’t stop at the individual

What is intergenerational trauma

Intergenerational trauma describes how psychological impacts of trauma can ripple across generations, affecting even individuals who did not experience the event. This concept first came to prominence when researchers began studying the children of Holocaust survivors and found that trauma experienced from the survivors manifested in their children.
The effects of traumatic events may be passed onto an individual’s children through genes, behavior, or a combination of both, leaving the next generation especially susceptible to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, or hypervigilance.

Instances of generational trauma

One significant study into generational trauma comes from Brent Bezo’s research into the long term effects of the Holodomor — the mass man-made starvation of millions of society Ukraine from 1932 to 1933. Bezo, interested in the impact of this famine on future generations, directed a qualitative study of 45 people from three generations of Ukrainian families: those who had lived through the Holodomor, their children and their grandchildren. People in this study spoke of what they saw to be the transgenerational impacts from the Holdomor — including risky health behaviors, anxiety and shame, food hoarding, overeating, and authoritarian parenting styles. This discovery opened the door to a growing body of research and clinical work in psychology that aims to look at how mass cultural and historical traumas can affect future generations.

The first documented use of the term “intergenerational trauma” came from psychiatrist Danieli Rakoff who found high rates of psychological distress among children of Holocaust survivors. These children behaved in ways that mirrored those who had lived through the horrors of the Holocaust; they often took a protective stance towards their parents, demanded a high need for control, and possessed an obsession with the Holocaust. A study conducted on 484 adult children of Holocaust survivors found that 35 percent of the smaller sample had generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), 26 percent had a major depressive episode (MDD), and 14 percent had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Trauma in the genes:

Environmental wounds of one generation may be transmitted to the next through biological means. Through the lens of epigenetics—environmentally influenced changes in gene expression—trauma may alter how genes function in future generations. Going back to the example of Holocaust survivors: Psychologist Rachel Yehuda, director of the traumatic stress studies division at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, investigated how PTSD may be transmitted to the children of Holocaust survivors. The answer lies in methylation. This biological process modifies DNA and genes. When Yehuda compared the rates of methylation of certain genes in 32 Holocaust survivors and 22 children, she found that both populations showed changes in the same location of the same gene – FKBP5. This gene is stress-related and linked to the development of PTSD. These findings offer insight into how the stress response may be inherited and manifest itself in the next generation.

Non-biological means of transmission:

Trauma can also be passed down through non-biological means of transmission, such as the way parents raise their children, the specific lessons they implement in their lives, and the way they communicate emotionally. For instance, parents can unknowingly formulate fear-based “survival messages” such as “don’t ask for help – it’s dangerous”. These lessons, rooted in past trauma, can influence how children perceive safety and trust in the world.
Children often absorb these patterns through observations. Witnessing a parent navigate the world with fear, aggression, or emotional withdrawal can lead to the development of coping mechanisms that, while protective in the past, may become maladaptive. These children, without having experienced the original trauma may develop similar emotional and behavioral responses that hinder their mental well-being.

Remnants of abuse

Abuse is one of the most direct and potent forms of trauma that may be more readily passed down generationally. Studies show that an abusive childhood can ripple into future generations. For example, children of women who endured severe childhood abuse were found to have depression rates 1.7 times higher—and chronic depression 2.5 times higher—than those whose mothers did not experience abuse. For one, survivors of abuse may unintentionally replicate harmful behaviors or create emotionally unstable environments. A parent who never learned healthy attachment may struggle to form secure bonds with their children. Abuse survivors may also have difficulty managing stress or anger which can lead to emotional instability or neglectful behaviors. These parents who were raised in abusive or dysfunctional environments may begin to see these patterns as “normal” and struggle with identity and trust, impacting how they interact with their children and the environment their children grow up in.

Symptoms

Some psychologists think that living through a historical trauma or being raised by an individual who did, heightens fight-flight-or-freeze response, leading them to rush into modes of heightened stress.
Emotional symptoms may include:

• Anxiety and hypervigilance – individuals feel constantly on edge, or overly alert to danger, even when there is no danger present.
• Depression or emotional numbness – individuals may suppress their emotions or dull emotional responses.
• Identity confusion – individuals have a difficulty understanding their sense of self, especially if cultural or family roots are tied to trauma.
• Guilt or an inherited sense of burden – a sense of responsibility to take the pain away from your parents

Behavioral symptoms may include:

• Difficulties forming or maintaining relationships
• Over-controlling tendencies
• Avoiding emotional vulnerability

Emerging research also suggests that stress from trauma can lead to physical health consequences – some evidence points to the effect that it may have on the immune system. For one, PTSD can suppress the production of immune cells that are important for fighting infection and dangerous cell growth. This can weaken the immune system making individuals more susceptible to infections. Also, A 2021 study looked at genes related to immune health among children of Holocaust survivors and found that some of the genes were less active than others.

Helping people cope, how to handle intergenerational trauma

Healing begins with recognition. For trauma survivors, acknowledging how the trauma shaped their behaviors and parenting styles is the first step toward breaking harmful cycles. Once these individuals recognize how this trauma affected them, they may be able to consciously commit themselves to parenting their children in a manner that takes their own experience into account. For their offspring, recognizing different inherited patterns such as triggers or ways of thinking that may be unhealthy for your mental health, can lead to shifts in behavior. In some cases this form of recognition and healing may require outside help, either with friends and family or professionally. Professionals like therapists, counselors, and social workers trained in trauma informed care can assist individuals dealing with intergenerational trauma through different treatments.

Prioritizing self care is also important in breaking the cycles of trauma – it reinforces the idea that one is deserving of health, happiness and well-being – in many ways countering negative beliefs reinforced through generational trauma. Self care looks different for everyone, but what’s important is that it meets your individual needs. Checking in with oneself, making time for rest and relaxation, and having a strong social support network can help rewire internalized messages of unworthiness unintentionally passed down from previous generations.

Intergenerational trauma is multifaceted impacting emotional behavior, relationships, and well-being. However, this trauma is not inescapable. Through awareness, intentional healing practices, and even professional help, individuals can begin to understand how to untangle the chaos of this inherited trauma and heal for themselves and their future generations.

Understanding caregiver burnout: Why letting go can help you heal

Maria wakes at 5am to help her dad dress and eat before his morning meds. She loves yoga but hasn’t taken a yoga class in two years. Her friends stopped inviting her out months ago. One morning it hits her: she’s given everything—and forgotten herself.

Taking care of people feels good and can be one of the most meaningful things we do. To know that you are giving your energy and love to support someone is a powerful expression of human connection. We aren’t meant to exist in isolation – we are wired to care for those around us and do what is possible to support our community, whoever that may consist of. But oftentimes providing this care can be draining, requiring constant sacrifice and effort that can leave individuals feeling burnt out. This is especially true for caregivers, who dedicate themselves to supporting a friend or a loved one. In fact, this overwhelming exhaustion from providing care to others is so common that it is often referred to as caregiver burnout.

What is caregiver burnout?

A caregiver can encompass many different types of roles but it is regularly used to describe someone who provides assistance to a person who needs help with daily activities due to a disability or illness. Caregiver burnout is the stress and fatigue that can result from constantly providing love and support and tending to someone’s everyday needs. Caregiving can last decades and the stress that can come with it, if not addressed, can take a toll on an individual’s state of mind, health and relationships. Caring for others requires caring for yourself, meaning that without intervention, caregiver burnout can harm not only you but also the person you’re caring for.

Causes

Caregiver burnout may be a result of the emotional demands of taking care of someone. You might be a spouse, parent, employee, or friend—all while taking care of someone who depends on you daily. The emotional demands of maintaining these relationships and staying on top of your own job can be extremely hard to balance alongside providing care to someone. It may be hard to not spread yourself too thin, when the health of someone you care about is on the line and you want to be there to give support.

It can also be emotionally exhausting to battle with the fate of your loved ones’ illness, and force yourself to accept that there may not be any way for you to make them completely “well”. Understanding and sitting with this hard truth can suck a great deal of energy out of you.

Another contributing factor to this burnout may be the lack of privacy in this caregiving role. As mentioned previously, caregiving can be a very demanding and lengthy process, forcing you to sacrifice aspects of your own daily routine. In many cases it may mean living with the individual you are caring for, and spending you every waking hour providing care. When individuals do not create space for themselves outside of this role, it may feel like they are losing parts of their individual life, draining them of certain habits/routines/features that fulfill them on a personal level.
Additionally, the ambiguity of roles can cause confusion and stress. When you’re simultaneously a caregiver, family member, and emotional anchor, it’s hard to know where one role ends and another begins.

Signs and symptoms

• Feeling constantly run down or exhausted, even when you get enough rest
• Neglecting your own needs – either because you don’t care anymore, or you are too busy
• Feeling overly anxious or irritable
• Feeling depressed about your situation or resentful towards others
• New or worsening health problems

Ways to avoid and/or mitigate caregiver burnout

Oftentimes the root of our anxiety, exhaustion, or overwhelming emotions all come from things we can control. All we need to do is recognize what we can and cannot control, accept it, and redirect our energy. This is relevant with caregiver burnout, because much of the energy we may be using is spent on things that we do not have control over– such as the fate of a loved one’s illness. While we can do our best to provide our loving support and encouragement, much of their condition is out of our hands, and spending time constantly trying to “fix” something, will only leave us feeling drained. Try to make an effort to help in ways you can, but remind yourself that it is not all up to you.

Focus on the positive reasons you chose to care. It might be that the individual you chose to help was there for you when you needed them. Maybe it’s a personal mission. Come back to this motivation and remind yourself of the “why”. In moments of fatigue or frustration, grounding yourself in your motivation can help rekindle your sense of purpose.
Don’t let caregiving take over your life. Make sure that you continue to invest yourself into things that give you purpose and meaning. Create space for yourself to continue participating in activities you enjoy, connecting with your friends, or giving yourself that much needed time alone. There may be friends or family of yours, and if not certain resources that can take over your role while you tend to your own needs. Something that can be extremely helpful is spending time with someone who is a good listener – talking out your feelings can be very therapeutic and release buildup emotions that can be clogging your headspace.

Caregiving does not have to be a one person role – don’t shy away from asking for help. While it may feel safer to control every aspect of the caretaking process, it is actually healthier to speak up if you feel overwhelmed or need help. There are ways for you to spread your responsibilities while still serving a key support system to that loved one. If someone offers help, take it. If no one asks, there are community services, respite care options, and support groups that can help lighten the load. Let go of the idea that you have to do it all to be a good caregiver.
It’s important to stay on top of your basic needs. Sleep, movement, nutrition, hydration—these aren’t luxuries, they’re lifelines. Often, burnout begins when the basics are overlooked. Even short walks, proper meals, or a consistent sleep routine can make a big difference in your resilience.

Differences between depression and burnout

Feelings associated with depression and burnout can have overlap, but it is crucial to recognize them as two different things – as they require two treatments. With depression you may have felt like your life has lost its happiness, while with burnout, you may feel like all of your energy has been used up. A difference is that depression usually gets better with medication and psychotherapy, while burnout gets better most effectively through controlling the stress of caretaking and focusing on your own health and needs.

Caring for someone else doesn’t mean abandoning yourself. In fact, the more you tend to your own health and wellbeing, the better support you can offer. You are allowed to set boundaries, ask for help, and take time to rest. Compassion fatigue is real—but with awareness and action, it doesn’t have to define your caregiving journey.

Social media’s silent harm: The rise of toxic diet culture online

Social media “influencers” earn their title because of the powerful sway they hold over their followers’ beliefs, opinions, and lifestyles—for better or worse. While many aim to inspire or entertain, some may unknowingly promote harmful ideals. This is often because a lifestyle that works for one person can be unrealistic, unhealthy, or even dangerous to another.

Certain influencers are inadvertently encouraging unhealthy eating behavior, including eating disorders, specifically in teens and adolescents. In fact, this problem got so pervasive that in June 2025, TikTok had to ban a hashtag called #SkinnyTok after European regulators warned it was promoting unrealistic body images to viewers, some of which could result in an extreme weight loss. This ban was a result of an increase in content which showed young women who were dangerously thin and promoting certain “tips” on how to lose weight.

Although body-positive content exists online, research shows that negative information tends to have a stronger, more lasting impact. Some health professionals report that their advice alone isn’t enough to counteract the hours patients spend online, consuming misleading and often toxic content that shapes their views on food, fitness, and body image.

While the #SkinnyTok may be gone, its ramifications are not. The same patterns of social media are still in full force. Those same videos and tips are still being posted, simply without the hashtag attached to it.

A 2023 report from the Dove Self-Esteem Project, found that 9 in 10 children and adolescents ages 10 to 17 are exposed to toxic beauty content on social media and 1 in 2 say that this has an impact on their mental health.

Social media has and continues to grow in the unavoidable influence that it carries in our daily lives. Especially among young adults, social media is often the main source of information on a range of topics – including those centered on health, nutrition, and exercise. And a lot of this information that is being posted is not backed by research, yet people are still influenced by it in a way that they base their decisions around food and exercise off of what they hear online. Social media platforms are swarming with “What I eat in a day” videos, which often are not a healthy amount that individuals should be eating, setting an inaccurate standard for healthy habits.

The problem with this is that there is not a one size fits all dietary or exercise plan. You cannot compare what someone else eats in a day and how they exercise to what you do. Posts pertaining to the newest fad diets or what to cut out of your diet are dangerous because they make individuals wrongly believe that they have to eat and workout exactly like the person on the other end of the screen to get the results they want.

Years of research has proven that social media is found to contribute to negative self-esteem, social comparisons, an idealized self-presentation that negatively influences body image, etc.
Additionally, research has shown that social media content encouraging “clean eating” can lead to obsessive behavior around dieting – which in itself can cause weight cycling, yo-yo dieting, chronic stress, body dissatisfaction and higher likelihood of muscular and thin-ideal internalization.

While it may be difficult to avoid this kind of content entirely, it’s crucial to approach it with a critical mindset. Many influencers lack formal training in nutrition and endorse products without understanding their effects. Instead of relying on viral posts, users should seek out information from credible sources—such as websites ending in .edu or .org, or from registered professionals whose credentials can be verified.

When you come across these types of videos on social media or TikTok, notice how you feel after viewing. If you feel yourself or see others getting into the pattern of regular comparison with influencers’ lifestyles, it is important to immediately unfollow that page. The sooner you limit exposure, the less likely you are to internalize harmful messages or fall into a cycle of negative self-comparison. While you unfollow influencers who may promote harmful advice, you can also work to follow influencers, or help a loved one follow individuals, who preach health at all sizes, intuitive eating, and body diversity. However, there may still be content that appears outside of your control, for instance through reels or on a “for you” page on tiktok. To address this, a good middle ground may be limiting screen time exposure or putting daily limits on those apps, to avoid the videos altogether.

A first step may even be recognizing how you feel after seeing these vidoes. Be mindful of why you or others are being judgemental about how they may look. Ask questions like: are these beliefs I hold about my body and food scientific or cultural? Where did I learn that thinness equals health? By asking yourself these questions, you can take a step back and put in perspective the thought patterns you may have developed that aren’t actually backed by verified information.

By being more critical with what we view online, we can reduce the influence of harmful content that supports, rather than sabotages, our mental and physical health. In the case that you feel inadequate to support yourself or others, reaching out to a health professional–whether a therapist, dietitian, or counselor– for help can be a crucial step. The thought and behavior patterns may be hard to break without support from others, but nevertheless it is a cycle you do not want to fall into.

Navigating back-to-school anxiety

The start of the school year can be a very exciting time for kids, with new teachers, different classmates, and fresh possibilities. However, for many children it can also cause a spike in anxiety. A child’s average school day is filled with potential stressors: navigating friends, separation from parents, academic expectations, and social pressures. Even confident kids can become clingier or more nervous as summer ends, while those already prone to separation anxiety may feel it more intensely during times of transition.
Understanding the anxiety that can come with going back to school can be important for kids but also parents themselves, as supporting an anxious child can be taxing.

Back to school anxiety can arise for different reasons. The transition from the freedom of summer to a highly structured world of school can be stressful for children and teens, as not everyone experiences successes — whether socially or academically – in their school environment. It can be especially stressful if there’s a change in a child’s support system, like a friend leaving to go to a new school or a change in teachers.

The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety entirely but to help kids feel capable of managing it. Parents may be able to watch for signs that their kids are dealing with anxiety as they approach the first day – shifts in mood, isolation, upset stomach, sleep disturbance and high agitation – and respond accordingly. Parents should be especially thoughtful about listening to their child’s worries, whether this be a new teacher, homework, or friend crises, without putting their own stress on them. You can even help to strategize plans on how to handle these worries, so your child feels capable and more in control.

Parents can also do some test runs with their child. For instance, if a parent expects their child to be especially anxious during the upcoming transition to school, help give them time to get used to the new school or classroom in advance. You can go to the school several times before and walk the halls, locate their classrooms together, and play on the playground.

If you feel that your child needs extra support to have a successful transition, let someone at school such as their teacher or the school psychologist know. Having communication with the staff can be more reassuring for your child, but also in many ways yourself. It could help for parents to have support when their kids show anxiety or resist going back to school. If parents allow their children to avoid situations that make them anxious, that inadvertently reinforces that those situations are dangerous or scary.

Parents’anxieties may ramp up during the return-to-school period too. For parents, being in tune with your own stress levels and managing feelings during this time is important because children can pick up on emotions. If they sense you’re stressed or unavailable, they may feel less supported or even absorb your tension. Modeling calm and confidence can help your child feel more secure during the transition.

Group Therapy at GTLA: Frequently Asked Questions

What is group therapy at GTLA?

“Group therapy is like an art piece. You are putting together 8 different colors or patterns and watching the dance come to life. You witness how these individuals interact with each other and how that mirrors what they have described about their interactions in the real world”

Group Therapy at GTLA involves 8 individuals coming together to better understand themselves through their relationships with others. Unlike individual therapy, where insight often emerges through dialogue with one clinician, group therapy provides a dynamic setting where growth occurs in real-time through interactions, feedback, and shared emotional experiences.

You’ll explore how you relate to others, how others respond to you, and what patterns emerge—often unconsciously—in connection. Over time, group becomes a trusted space where vulnerability is welcomed, reflection deepens, and the emotional risks you take translate into lasting change outside the room.

What makes group therapy at GTLA unique?

“We are all really well-trained psychologists who have almost forty years of experience in group therapy. This is our focus – it is the bread and butter of what we do. We, the psychologists, feel most alive when we are doing groups, which helps the groups them feel very more alive and fertile”

At GTLA, our process groups are led by Certified Group Psychotherapists (CGPs)—licensed psychologists who have completed advanced, multi-year training specifically in group dynamics and therapy. This level of expertise ensures that our groups are not only safe and supportive but also intentional, clinically grounded, and emotionally transformative.

We carefully compose each group based on clinical fit, interpersonal style, and shared goals. Our psychologists actively manage the emotional tone and depth of the group—guiding members to take meaningful risks, explore relational blind spots, and grow in ways that individual therapy alone often cannot provide.

What does a typical session look like?

Groups meet weekly for 75 minutes. What emerges—whether it’s a member’s personal experience, an emotional reaction, or something unfolding between members—becomes the material for exploration.

The psychologist helps guide the group into deeper reflection, emotional clarity, and relational insight. Over time, members begin to notice how they show up in the group—what they share or withhold, how they react, and how they connect or withdraw. These patterns present powerful opportunities for self-understanding and personal growth.

How is group therapy different from individual therapy?

Group therapy allows you to experience your relational patterns as they happen. In individual therapy, you may describe feeling misunderstood or overlooked. In a group, you might feel that in the moment, and then explore it, reflect on it, and shift it with support. Group therapy offers multiple perspectives, real-time feedback, and the opportunity to explore new ways of connecting.

While individual therapy offers insight, group therapy brings that insight into action.

What are the benefits of group therapy?

• You feel less alone. You realize others share struggles you thought were uniquely yours.
• You gain perspective. Group members reflect how they experience you—often in surprising, helpful ways.
• You practice new skills. You try being more honest, vulnerable, or assertive—and notice how it changes things.
• You build emotional resilience. Group helps you stay present even when emotions are uncomfortable.
• You become more relationally aware. You learn how you impact others—and how others impact you.

These benefits often show up not just in group, but in your daily relationships—with partners, friends, family, and colleagues.

Who tends to thrive in group therapy at GTLA?

“The groups are representative of all different ages, backgrounds, etc. There isn’t a perfect person for the group, rather it is the unique blend of the group that makes it work. Group therapy can be especially helpful for anyone who is interested in working on how they relate to the world, specifically their relational issues with work, family and/or friends.

Group is a great fit for people who are ready to look more closely at how they relate to others. You don’t need to be extroverted or fluent in therapy language—just willing to show up, reflect, and grow. Many of our clients are high-functioning individuals who feel stuck in relational patterns or have social anxiety, or want to work on their assertiveness or have intimacy/trust issues and more. They all want to develop emotional depth, or have done individual therapy and are ready for something deeper and more experiential.

What is the psychologist’s role in group therapy?

Our psychologists don’t just facilitate—they lead with skill and intention. As Certified Group Psychotherapists, they are trained to observe subtle group dynamics, support emotional safety, and guide members into deeper understanding. They highlight patterns, name avoidance or disconnection, and encourage emotional risk-taking that leads to growth. Their presence ensures that the group is both grounded and transformative.

Why is the “here-and-now” important in group therapy?

The “here-and-now” refers to what’s happening between members in real time. If a pattern shows up in your outside life—like pulling away when you feel vulnerable—it will likely emerge in the group. The difference? In group, you can pause, name it, explore it, and try something new. Working in the moment brings therapy alive and allows real change to unfold where it matters most: in your relationships.

What kinds of growth happen in group therapy?

Growth in group often looks like small but significant shifts:
A few examples include?

• A client who avoids conflict learns to say “I was hurt when…” and feels heard instead of rejected.
• Someone who always feels invisible gets curious about why—and begins speaking up more.
• A person who over-functions for others learns to sit back and allow support for themselves.

These breakthroughs don’t happen all at once—but they build. And because they’re practiced in a live setting, they tend to stick.

What if I’m nervous to join a group?

Almost everyone is. It’s normal to feel hesitant about sharing with strangers. Our psychologists are attuned to this and help the group ease in gradually. There’s no expectation to disclose more than you’re ready for. What many clients find is that once they begin, the fear gives way to connection, relief, and a sense of belonging they didn’t expect.

Will I get enough attention in a group setting?

“As the group leader, we will not let you shrivel. What will wind up happening is that there will be a lot of attention to why you aren’t getting attention. Why aren’t you taking up space? Why isn’t the group letting you finish? We then analyze all the reasons why both in group and in life you may not be getting the attention you deserve or want”

Yes. While group time is shared, the attention you receive is personal and specific. You’ll be seen not only by the psychologist, but by others who offer support, reflection, and resonance. Often, hearing how others experience you—and watching them work through their own struggles—can be just as powerful as talking.

How are clients matched to a group?

Each potential member meets individually with a psychologist first. We learn about your goals, relational style, and readiness for group. Based on that, we recommend a group where the clinical and interpersonal fit is strong. This careful matching helps create groups that feel safe, cohesive, and well-balanced.

What’s the time commitment? Can I just try one session?

Group therapy requires an initial commitment of 16 weeks, to allow time for trust and connection to build. Groups are ongoing and most members choose to stay for many months—or longer—because the experience becomes so meaningful. Drop-in sessions or one-time visits don’t allow for the kind of depth and safety that make group truly effective.

What happens if there’s conflict or discomfort in the group?

Tension and discomfort are part of any real relationship—and part of real growth. Our psychologists are trained to work with conflict as a meaningful part of the process, not something to avoid. When handled skillfully, these moments can lead to some of the most transformative breakthroughs in group therapy.

Can I do individual and group therapy at the same time?

Yes. Many clients do both. Individual therapy allows for focused, private work; group offers a place to apply that work relationally. The two often complement each other and can deepen the impact of both formats.

When might group therapy not be the right fit?

Group may not be appropriate for individuals in acute crisis, struggling with psychosis, or unable to maintain emotional or behavioral safety in a shared space. It may also not be ideal for those who are unable to tolerate interpersonal engagement. You must have enough “ego-strength” to be in the group. In those cases, individual therapy is typically recommended first, with group as a future option.

The psychology of infidelity: why drives individuals to cheat?

On July 16, during a Coldplay concert at Gillette Stadium in Boston, Andy Byron, CEO of the AI company Astronomer, and his Chief People Officer, Kristin Cabot, appeared on the kiss cam. The two seemed to be sharing an intimate moment and, upon realizing they were being shown to thousands, quickly ducked and covered their faces in an attempt to avoid recognition. The clip drew widespread attention due to both individuals’ executive positions and their marital statuses.

Chances are you’ve at least come across a headline about this moment. The story has become a hot topic, with dozens of news outlets covering various angles of Byron’s relationship and the fallout from the incident. Social media platforms like TikTok, X, Reddit, and Threads have also amplified the scandal, turning it into a full-blown viral spectacle.

Yet, amid the outrage and sensationalism, many discussions fail to examine the deeper, underlying factors that may lead to such behavior—especially among people in positions of power. While this moment of infidelity sparked popularity, public anger and confusion, the uncomfortable truth is that it’s far from uncommon. To truly understand why situations like this occur, it’s worth exploring the psychological and relational dynamics that often drive people to cheat.

In fact, a study by the Austin Institute about 37 percent of divorces in the U.S. were related to infidelity in the relationship, while another estimate showed that over 40% of married couples grapple with infidelity issues.

It’s easy to assume that affairs are about sex but in fact more often, they’re about desire. Psychotherapist Esther Perel explains that infidelity stems from a yearning for attention and the feeling of being desired or seen—especially when those needs go unmet in a long-term relationship. That external validation can become addictive, encouraging continued secrecy, betrayal, and infidelity.
Affairs may be an attempt from an individual in the marriage to rediscover a sort of emotional dimension that may have been lost as their relationship became more stable or consistent. The relationship may have fizzled out but neither individual will make a move until they are offered the opportunity for “more excitement”. In the same vein, some people may turn to affairs to uncover that more youthful or carefree side of themselves that they may have lost with age and in that more consistent relationship. Affairs may cultivate this more playful, curious, spontaneous side of individuals.

Cheating can also be a form of self sabotage when individuals are not happy in a relationship, but do not know how to tell the other person. Or, it may even be a personal crisis that they attribute to their partner when in fact it is their own issues they are dealing with. In either scenario individuals may cheat as an easier “way out” of the relationship.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, characteristics in an individual such as neuroticism, a history of infidelity, number of sex partners before marriage, and insecure attachment issues, have been positively associated with infidelity. In addition to this, coming from a family where infidelity was present also increases the risk of continuing the behavior.

This context matters. It reminds us that what looks like a simple scandal is often rooted in far more complex dynamics. Life is messy. Relationships are hard. But infidelity is almost always a sign of something deeper—a breakdown in communication, unmet emotional needs, or a lack of mutual respect.

Fab 50’s: The Era of Reinvention

For many individuals, turning 50 can be daunting. It marks a time in your life when retirement may be close, your kids are getting older, your daily routine may feel monotonous. In many ways 50 feels like it’s time to give up on your dreams.

Scratch that.

50 is a fresh start. At 50 you’ve accumulated a lifetime of experiences, wisdom, and knowledge to use. You’ve reached more financial stability, expertise, and maybe even freedom. You’ve spent decades learning and making connections. Now is the time more than ever to use that footing and create something new. It is never too late to evolve, grow, learn, and take bold steps towards a more fulfilling career or life.

How to thrive after your 50’s

Use and expand your knowledge. You have likely built a strong foundation of knowledge over the decades, in the various fields you have been involved in. Whether it’s shifting careers, launching a business, or mentoring others, your experience is a valuable asset. By the time you’ve reached your 50’s chances are you have built a strong network of people who know you and want to see you succeed. Use this network to help you in your new aspirations.

Prioritize your health. Keep your movement high – movement keeps you young. This transition into a new decade can serve as a valuable reminder to put time into your mental and physical health. This could mean implementing a daily walk in your schedule, or starting a new practice of yoga. If there is some form of movement you have always wanted to try, use this as an “excuse” to do just that. Investing your time and energy into your health now can be very important to your future self.

Tend to your relationships. Quality friendships are important for keeping you happy in the present – but they can also boost your longevity and overall well-being. Make time for these meaningful friendships, family connections, and relationships that enrich your life. Maintaining friendships can be challenging in your 50’s because you may not have as much structure in your social life as you once did. You used to have roommates, maybe played on a sports team, or had weekly club meetings to attend. Just because you may not be as surrounded by people daily as you once were, doesn’t mean you should neglect the importance of social interaction. You can make time for these friendships in ways such as starting a monthly book club, a weekly game of pickleball with your friends, or a nightly walk through on your street with your neighbors. These may seem like small acts, but setting aside time with a friend can maintain a crucial connection.

Your blank canvas

The real transformation begins when you stop seeing 50 as an endpoint and start viewing it as a blank canvas. This is your time to create something entirely new.

Career success in your later years

Now is the time to hone in on your dream job. Do some reflecting and ask yourself, is this current job really what I want to be doing? Maybe there’s a long-standing passion you’ve never fully pursued. Now is the time more than ever to chase that. Switching or starting a new job may feel scary – especially when you are making a major change later in your life. But often the most successful businesspeople are the ones who are bold and willing to take risks. Embrace the freshness and freedom of this opportunity and take the risk. By now, you have a wealth of knowledge and experience under your belt – Use that to your advantage.

1. Starting a new hobby

Reignite your sense of curiosity by learning something new. This could be something that is creative and relaxing like gardening or painting. It could be a social hobby such as hiking with a friend, learning how to play golf, or starting a book club. A hobby could also be something intellectual like learning a new language. By implementing these new activities into your life, it can be a good reminder that no matter how old you are, there is always an opportunity for change and learning – helping to reshape the narrative of aging.

2. Going back to school

Revisiting formal education in later life is an exciting endeavor. It gives you a new appreciation for learning with an entirely new lense. Getting a degree in something that you’re truly passionate about can reignite your purpose and allow you to be surrounded by people of all ages and backgrounds. Moreover, going back to school without the high-stakes pressure of early adulthood allows you to approach academics with new goals and lower stress.

How this may disproportionately affect women

The stressors of turning 50 may disproportionately affect women. Ageism often affects women more severely, especially in the workplace. Many women report having faced age discrimination in the workplace, with stereotypes about their abilities and potential at an older age. According to research, employers see older women as less valuable and are more likely to discriminate against them. Media, particularly Hollywood, reinforces these harmful images by portraying older women as unattractive or irrelevant.

Many Gen X women are finding themselves countering these stereotypes and getting ready for a chapter of their life filled with purpose. More than ever, they’re embracing their 50’s as a time of purpose and power. Entrepreneurship, in particular, has become a bold form of resistance. Starting a business is a powerful way of pushing back against stereotypes that argue there is an expiration date with career growth. For women in their 50’s, starting a business is a chance to combine passion with experience.

Why is it so important to take control of your narrative as you reach your 50’s? Because others are watching – your children, friends, community. You’re showing them what it looks like to keep striving, dreaming, and growing, regardless of your gae. More importantly though, you’re doing it for yourself. Don’t let your fear of being “too old” rob you of experiences that you could have. Switch the story and take this time to “reinvent” yourself alongside the values and goals that matter to you most.

From Vision to Visibility: How Group Therapy LA & NY Helped Launch PEERS for Dating

This past Thursday, The New York Times featured PEERS for Dating—an innovative UCLA program that equips autistic adults with the skills to form and sustain meaningful romantic relationships.

As the founder of Group Therapy Los Angeles and Group Therapy New York, and as a parent to a son on the spectrum, I believed deeply in the importance of this work. Our practices provided the founding grant to help launch this dating-focused expansion of the PEERS model—an area that traditionally receives little public funding.

The result? A nationally recognized program rooted in research, real-world coaching, and emotional empowerment. The same framework even inspired the beloved Netflix series Love on the Spectrum.

At GTLA & GTNY, our mission has always been to provide neurodiversity-affirming care. That includes therapy for autistic adults and couples, guidance for parents, support for partners in neurodiverse relationships, and clinician training.

We’re proud to have played a part in bringing this essential program to life—and we’re even more proud to continue supporting the individuals and families it was built to serve

Read the NYT article: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/12/health/autism-dating-ucla-love-on-the-spectrum.html

Intergenerational trauma: Wounds of the past generations

What is intergenerational trauma

Intergenerational trauma describes how psychological impacts of trauma can ripple across generations, affecting even individuals who did not experience the event. This concept first came to prominence when researchers began studying the children of Holocaust survivors and found that trauma experienced from the survivors manifested in their children.
The effects of traumatic events may be passed onto an individual’s children through genes, behavior, or a combination of both, leaving the next generation especially susceptible to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, or hypervigilance.

Instances of generational trauma

One significant study into generational trauma comes from Brent Bezo’s research into the long term effects of the Holodomor — the mass man-made starvation of millions of society Ukraine from 1932 to 1933. Bezo, interested in the impact of this famine on future generations, directed a qualitative study of 45 people from three generations of Ukrainian families: those who had lived through the Holodomor, their children and their grandchildren. People in this study spoke of what they saw to be the transgenerational impacts from the Holdomor — including risky health behaviors, anxiety and shame, food hoarding, overeating, and authoritarian parenting styles. This discovery opened the door to a growing body of research and clinical work in psychology that aims to look at how mass cultural and historical traumas can affect future generations.

The first documented use of the term “intergenerational trauma” came from psychiatrist Danieli Rakoff who found high rates of psychological distress among children of Holocaust survivors. These children behaved in ways that mirrored those who had lived through the horrors of the Holocaust; they often took a protective stance towards their parents, demanded a high need for control, and possessed an obsession with the Holocaust. A study conducted on 484 adult children of Holocaust survivors found that 35 percent of the smaller sample had generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), 26 percent had a major depressive episode (MDD), and 14 percent had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Trauma in the genes:

Environmental wounds of one generation may be transmitted to the next through biological means. Through the lens of epigenetics—environmentally influenced changes in gene expression—trauma may alter how genes function in future generations. Going back to the example of Holocaust survivors: Psychologist Rachel Yehuda, director of the traumatic stress studies division at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, investigated how PTSD may be transmitted to the children of Holocaust survivors. The answer lies in methylation. This biological process modifies DNA and genes. When Yehuda compared the rates of methylation of certain genes in 32 Holocaust survivors and 22 children, she found that both populations showed changes in the same location of the same gene – FKBP5. This gene is stress-related and linked to the development of PTSD. These findings offer insight into how the stress response may be inherited and manifest itself in the next generation.

Non-biological means of transmission:

Trauma can also be passed down through non-biological means of transmission, such as the way parents raise their children, the specific lessons they implement in their lives, and the way they communicate emotionally. For instance, parents can unknowingly formulate fear-based “survival messages” such as “don’t ask for help – it’s dangerous”. These lessons, rooted in past trauma, can influence how children perceive safety and trust in the world.

Children often absorb these patterns through observations. Witnessing a parent navigate the world with fear, aggression, or emotional withdrawal can lead to the development of coping mechanisms that, while protective in the past, may become maladaptive. These children, without having experienced the original trauma may develop similar emotional and behavioral responses that hinder their mental well-being.

Remnants of abuse

Abuse is one of the most direct and potent forms of trauma that may be more readily passed down generationally. Studies show that an abusive childhood can ripple into future generations. For example, children of women who endured severe childhood abuse were found to have depression rates 1.7 times higher—and chronic depression 2.5 times higher—than those whose mothers did not experience abuse. For one, survivors of abuse may unintentionally replicate harmful behaviors or create emotionally unstable environments. A parent who never learned healthy attachment may struggle to form secure bonds with their children. Abuse survivors may also have difficulty managing stress or anger which can lead to emotional instability or neglectful behaviors. These parents who were raised in abusive or dysfunctional environments may begin to see these patterns as “normal” and struggle with identity and trust, impacting how they interact with their children and the environment their children grow up in.

Symptoms

Some psychologists think that living through a historical trauma or being raised by an individual who did, heightens fight-flight-or-freeze response, leading them to rush into modes of heightened stress.

Emotional symptoms may include:

• Anxiety and hypervigilance – individuals feel constantly on edge, or overly alert to danger, even when there is no danger present.
• Depression or emotional numbness – individuals may suppress their emotions or dull emotional responses.
• Identity confusion – individuals have a difficulty understanding their sense of self, especially if cultural or family roots are tied to trauma.
• Guilt or an inherited sense of burden – a sense of responsibility to take the pain away from your parents

Behavioral symptoms may include:

• Difficulties forming or maintaining relationships
• Over-controlling tendencies
• Avoiding emotional vulnerability

Emerging research also suggests that stress from trauma can lead to physical health consequences – some evidence points to the effect that it may have on the immune system. For one, PTSD can suppress the production of immune cells that are important for fighting infection and dangerous cell growth. This can weaken the immune system making individuals more susceptible to infections. Also, A 2021 study looked at genes related to immune health among children of Holocaust survivors and found that some of the genes were less active than others.

Helping people cope, how to handle intergenerational trauma

Healing begins with recognition. For trauma survivors, acknowledging how the trauma shaped their behaviors and parenting styles is the first step toward breaking harmful cycles. Once these individuals recognize how this trauma affected them, they may be able to consciously commit themselves to parenting their children in a manner that takes their own experience into account. For their offspring, recognizing different inherited patterns such as triggers or ways of thinking that may be unhealthy for your mental health, can lead to shifts in behavior. In some cases this form of recognition and healing may require outside help, either with friends and family or professionally. Professionals like therapists, counselors, and social workers trained in trauma informed care can assist individuals dealing with intergenerational trauma through different treatments.

Prioritizing self care is also important in breaking the cycles of trauma – it reinforces the idea that one is deserving of health, happiness and well-being – in many ways countering negative beliefs reinforced through generational trauma. Self care looks different for everyone, but what’s important is that it meets your individual needs. Checking in with oneself, making time for rest and relaxation, and having a strong social support network can help rewire internalized messages of unworthiness unintentionally passed down from previous generations.

Intergenerational trauma is multifaceted impacting emotional behavior, relationships, and well-being. However, this trauma is not inescapable. Through awareness, intentional healing practices, and even professional help, individuals can begin to understand how to untangle the chaos of this inherited trauma and heal for themselves and their future generations.

Turning a page: The psychology behind closure and the end of a chapter

Closure is one of those elusive things that we may seek unintentionally, without knowing how to name it. It is about understanding, accepting, and making peace with the unresolved—not just about endings. Closure helps us turn the page in our lives—whether it’s the aftermath of a breakup, the loss of a loved one, or the conclusion of a significant chapter. But what does closure really mean? Why does it matter so much to our emotional well-being? And why is it harder for some individuals to accept closure than others?

Social psychologist Arie Kruglanski coined the phrase “need for closure” in the 1990s, referring to a decision-making process that aims to find an answer to a given topic in order to remove confusion and ambiguity. When we look for closure, we search for answers to resolve painful feelings or loss.

The need for closure may be linked to how the human mind makes sense of the world. In what is called Gestalt psychology, there is the “law of closure,” which refers to a strategy the brain uses to make sense of different visual elements. For instance, when an individual is shown an image of a common item that is missing a key segment, the brain will automatically fill in the gap to perceive the familiar shape. Closure is similar in that it provides a framework for filling in the missing pieces—once we understand why something ended the way it did, we can conclude that chapter and work toward acceptance.

There is a scale called the “Need for Closure Scale” that is based on five traits: decisiveness, desire for predictability, preference for order and structure, discomfort with ambiguity, and closed-mindedness. These traits are important because they may explain why certain individuals have a stronger need for closure than others. For those who prefer predictability in their lives, closure may be necessary to begin a new chapter, whereas those who are more comfortable with ambiguity may not require it as much.

The Benefits of Closure

Closure can be important because it facilitates emotional healing and gives individuals a chance to move forward. It may be hard for someone to heal from a difficult event or period in their life if there are constant reminders or lingering questions. Closure often involves gaining a better understanding of what happened and why. Once someone has a narrative that makes sense, they are more likely to accept the situation and begin to let go of lingering emotional pain. This can be empowering, as individuals begin to focus on their own growth and reclaim their personal power.

Closure also enables the processing of emotions, helping a person better understand what they are feeling. When something ends—whether a relationship, a job, or a chapter of life—it can leave behind a mix of emotions: sadness, anger, confusion, relief, guilt. Without closure, those emotions can become tangled, making it hard to understand what you’re truly feeling. With closure, you are able to sift through surface emotions and process the event on a deeper level. You may realize that your anger was masking hurt, or your grief was tied to unmet expectations. Closure may not eliminate the pain entirely, but it can help untangle it. It also helps you regain control of the narrative, allowing you to be the author of your own story and release aspects that no longer serve you.

Why Some People Struggle with Closure

Certain individuals may have more trouble with closure than others. The more emotionally invested someone was in a situation or relationship, the harder it may be to accept that it’s over. People may hold on to hope, memories, or the idea of “what could’ve been,” making it painful to let go. In other cases, closure may be terrifying because it requires truly accepting that change has occurred and a chapter has ended. Saying goodbye to a chapter can feel like losing a part of your identity—especially if the relationship or situation was a big part of who you were.

Why Receiving Closure Can Be Hard

In some situations, it may be difficult to receive closure, especially when the other person doesn’t need it. Often, the inability to gain closure stems from a lack of communication—such as a breakup where one person leaves without explanation. Emotional complexity can also play a role, as the abundance of emotions involved may make it hard to arrive at a place of calm acceptance.

How to Ask for Closure or Find It in Other Ways

In many cases, it’s important to recognize that you are ultimately responsible for obtaining closure—others may not be willing or able to give it to you. This involves taking responsibility for your own actions and interpreting others’ behavior as best you can. Asking for closure may require vulnerability, such as expressing your need for clarity in an open and honest conversation. For instance, you might tell someone that you’re feeling overwhelmed by the ambiguity of a situation and would appreciate the chance to talk through it.

Another way to process your emotions without a conversation is through writing. Writing can be one of the most powerful tools in finding closure. Putting your thoughts on paper helps externalize feelings, making them easier to understand and organize. Letter writing, for example, can be a meaningful practice—even if you never send the letter. Writing to the person you’re seeking closure with can help release negative emotions that no longer serve you. Through writing, you can reframe the narrative and reclaim control over your story.

Talking to a trusted friend or family member about the situation is another way to gain closure without involving the person directly. A fresh perspective can help de-escalate emotions and reinterpret the situation. Talking to a mental health professional can also provide tools and techniques for reaching acceptance.

Closure doesn’t always come neatly wrapped. For those who need closure, it’s important to recognize that sometimes it’s a quiet decision you make in your own heart. It may mean living with unanswered questions without letting them consume you. Finally, time plays a crucial role in healing. As time passes, our brains naturally reprocess and reframe memories, making past pain feel less overwhelming.

Digital burnout: What causes it and how can we mitigate its effects?

What is digital burnout?

Digital burnout refers to an exhaustion – emotionally, mentally, and physically – that is the result of too much time on our screens. A constant connectivity and pressure to remain “on” 24/7 – whether this be on top of reading emails or updated with the most recent news— may leave individuals feeling drained. Digital burnout can be found in a work setting, but also in day to day life, where people may feel constantly overwhelmed, fatigued, or even lose motivation doing the things they once enjoyed. Digital burnout is more common than you may think. In fact, in 2019, the World Health Organization classified burnout as an occupational phenomenon that can influence mental and physical health.

Why are we burnt out?

We may have feelings of burnout due to the lack of downtime in our daily lives. Social media apps, messages, and emails, have all blurred the line between work and home – and this lack of boundaries can make it feel like we are never truly relaxing. Even if you think you might be “giving yourself a break”, your brain does not feel truly relaxed as it is being bombarded with and sorting through the inflow of new notifications. This information overload at all times of the day can cram our brains so full with information, creating mental chaos. On top of that, the expectation to respond to these notifications right away puts unnecessary pressure on individuals that can be overwhelming, causing further exhaustion.

Effects of burnout

Burnout can impact both your mental and physical health. In terms of physical health, constant time spent online can cause eye strain, sleep disruption, or other forms of fatigue. Blue light from screens disrupts our circadian rhythms making it harder to fall and stay asleep. Likewise, large amounts of time staring at your screen can cause headaches or dry eyes.

Burnout can also significantly impact individuals mental health by exacerbating or triggering new mental health issues. For one, the mental exhaustion of constantly being online can interfere with productivity in both our professional and personal lives. This lack of productivity and motivation can lead to dissatisfaction with our work, impacting how we view ourselves and accomplishments. Additionally, the constant expectation to always be available and reachable by others can add unnecessary pressure to individuals’ busy lives; feeling the demands to respond immediately to text messages, social media DMs, or phone calls can worsen anxiety. There are times when people are not (or should not) be on their device which can cause undue stress on both the receiver and sender’s end. The pressure to have an online presence is related to depression as well – constant comparison to the filtered and curated lives of others online can unintentionally minimize one’s own accomplishments, lower self-esteem, and promote self-criticism.

Burnout can also get in the way of our relationships. It can cause individuals to prioritize online validation, which interferes with the need for real, and genuine in-person connections. It can also strain relationships through miscommunication. Online communication–without the presence of tone or non-verbal cues–can often lead to misunderstandings or frustrations that can strain relationships. Misinterpreting the use of an emoji or the punctuation of a friend’s text can easily lead to tension or anxiety..

Mitigating the effects of burnout

It is important to find ways to decrease time spent on our devices, or develop healthier relationships with them in order to combat the effects of burnout, before they become more permanent. According to research noted by Forbes, a decrease in screen time is indirectly tied to improved mental health and productivity by reducing any unnecessary interruptions or distractions from our phones.

Separate work from home: This may be easier said than done. Your devices make it so you are connected to people at all times. This includes your boss, work friends, or notifications about tasks you need to complete. It can make it hard for individuals to have a separation between work and home. A good rule of thumb is to set aside the later hours of the evening to wind-down, off of devices. If you work from home or do shift-work, this is not always feasible, but scheduling in hours “device-free” is important for your relationships and wellbeing.
Implement more offline activities: Make more attempts to re-engage with the activities off screen that you enjoy– or once enjoyed. Whether this be going for a run outside or doing artwork, rediscovering these hobbies that don’t require screens can bring more balance into your life.

Connect face to face: Think about how many people you communicate with solely through text or email. It is healthy to fit in face-to-face conversations when possible. Whether this be a meeting in a coffee shop, rather than a conversation over email, or stopping by your friends house to say hello instead of calling them on the phone. Not only does this give you a break from staring at your screen, but it can help you make personal connections which is great for your mental health and professional future.

Clear out your digital accounts: Have you ever counted how many apps and digital platforms you have? Now think about which of those you actually use on a daily basis. By going through your apps and clearing out anything that you do not need, you can cut out on any distractions or notifications that are not productive to you. Instead of wasting both phone power and brain power, you can be more efficient and focused when you use your phone, helping to mitigate the impacts of burnout.

Take breaks from news media: Taking a step back to reflect on the types of media you consume can help you reevaluate their purpose. Ask yourself truthfully, is the information I read or see online adding something positive to my life or do I feel more drained, stressed, or down when I consume it? Delete apps that no longer serve you, unfollow influencers who’s values may not align with yours, and challenge yourself to deactivate or disengage from social media for a week or two at a time. Cutting down on the information you are taking in, and helping to filter only the more significant and productive information, can be powerful in reducing fatigue.

Lighten Your Load: A Mental Spring Cleaning Guide

There is no better feeling than picking up the clothes off your floor, finally getting rid of that pile of papers and mail that has been accumulating since January, and reclaiming your space from months of clutter. Once it’s done, you feel ten pounds lighter. Spring cleaning offers a time to address the mess in your space.

It is important during Spring cleaning to recognize your mind and mental state as a part of your space—equally in need of attention and care. Just like clutter can build up in our rooms, emotional clutter can accumulate over time – unresolved stress and negative thought patterns or habits that no longer serve us. Spring is a gentle reminder to tend to our inner space, much like we sweep out the cobwebs in our houses. It is a time to pause, reassess how we feel and welcome more clarity, balance, and peace into our lives.

Taking inventory of your mental space

Before you vacuum, remake the bed, or rearrange your shelves, you have to start by picking things up off the floor. You need to clear the way before you can clean. The same is true for your mental well-being. Before you set new goals or seek mental clarity, you need to take inventory of what’s taking up space in your mind.

One way you can clear up some space is by taking time to acknowledge the tough times that come along with the good. While those negative emotions or thoughts may be something you want to get rid of, you first must recognize what you gained from these experiences. This recognition is very important for self compassion, building resilience, and fostering personal growth. It allows you to learn from the past challenges and approach future difficulties with a greater amount of strength. Recognizing your hardship not only helps you to appreciate how far you’ve come, but giving it attention and moving forward means clearing space in your mind.

A helpful method for decluttering your brain is journaling. Oftentimes our brains are just a scramble of conversations, ideas, and emotions that can pack our minds so full it feels overwhelming. Imagine you have a guest coming over, so you shove all of your clothes into the closet to clear your room. Eventually you will have to open that closet, and inevitably things will come falling out. Writing down your thoughts and emotions on paper is more like removing and reorganizing one item at a time – a much more effective, lasting way to make sense of your inner world.

Some things to prompt you when journaling is:

• What things have not been serving me? – Once you recognize what no longer brings positive energy into your life, you can make an effort to refocus your energy elsewhere, and let those things drain you less
• What habits do you feel good about?
• What routines don’t feel right to you? Recognizing what brings positivity into your life and what takes away from you, is the first step in finding a routine that fulfills. Once you learn to prioritize certain tasks, you can drastically change how you feel about yourself and the environment.

Emotional clutter that is common: grief, unhealed trauma, self-limiting beliefs

Some clutter you can throw away or donate without second thought – but other things, like your baby blanket or card your mom wrote you for your seventh birthday, they hold emotional weight. Instead of discarding them, you find a meaningful way to store them. This way you can make space and clean up, without having to completely get rid of everything.

In the same way, there is emotional clutter such as grief, unhealed trauma, or beliefs, that we may not be able to rid of completely. They may fade over time, but they are a part of who we are. With these things, we can recognize their existence, check in on how we feel, and accept their presence. Acceptance allows you to embrace reality and your own imperfections. If they feel like they are beginning to pile up, seeking professional help is another option for reprocessing and reorganizing this emotional baggage. Professional help could include attending a group therapy session, individual therapy, or connecting with a life-coach to address deeper-rooted issues or simply help you enhance your overall well-being. There are different forms of professional help that can be modified to match an individual’s goals and comfortability, and can be extremely influential in helping an individual to open up and find comfort in the presence of others.

Freshen up your inner environment

Once you’ve cleaned out the clutter it’s time to freshen up your environment. Open those blinds and let the sun beam in or light that candle that’s been sitting on your desk. One way to freshen up your mental space, is to bring more intentional positivity into your life through affirmations and gratitude.

While affirmations may feel cheesy at first – they can genuinely impact how you view yourself. In fact, a study published in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience found that self-affirmation activates an area of the brain that is related to processing and valuation. This region of the brain can help individuals focus on more sources of positivity and help to enhance their self-worth. Additionally, affirmations have been shown to decrease stress levels and improve different problem-solving abilities. On top of implementing more positive affirmations in your life, make attempts to get rid of self-criticism. This can be as simple as thinking before you say something negative about yourself and taking a minute to ask yourself why you were going to say that. Ask: Is it true? Is it fair? Would I say this to someone I care about? Being kinder to yourself helps shift your internal dialogue from judgment to encouragement.

Another thing you can do to freshen up your mind is bring more gratitude into your life. This can include random acts of kindness or expressing your thanks towards someone, even if it seems small. Speaking out what you are grateful for not only makes other people feel good, but it can help you recognize all that you have to be thankful for, improving your mood and brightening up your environment.

Make spring cleaning go beyond just spring

Spring cleaning your mental health doesn’t mean having everything perfectly sorted. It means taking the time to check in, let go of what you can, hold space for what you need, and add a little more light and kindness to your internal world. Like our homes, our minds are stronger when we care for them.

Putting in effort periodically throughout the year, leaves you less mess to clean up during your spring cleaning. So while this time is a good reminder to check in on yourself and how you are feeling, don’t let it be the only reminder of the year.

Understanding the psychological toll of financial instability

Economic downturns are often met with conversation about plunging stock markets or rising unemployment. But beyond the numbers and headlines we see in the news, economic downturns can have a deeper, more personal impact on individuals’ mental health, shaking our sense of safety and identity. Researchers continue to look into the link between psychological wellbeing and economic state, and as they do it is becoming more clear that economic hardship is a mental crisis much as it is a financial one. With the current state of our economy, it is important to understand the often invisible effects of financial instability, and how to work through it effectively.

Economic recessions are usually caused by a shock to aggregate supply (when something interferes with the economy’s ability to make something), or aggregate demand (when something interferes with businesses’ or individuals’ ability to consume or invest in something). The specific causes of a recession vary, and is usually the combination of multiple factors including financial crises and external events.

The most recent stock market crash was driven by concerns about President Trump’s tariffs and the implications they would have on our economy. The announcement of these tariffs, especially on Chinese businesses, led to extreme selling pressure as investors were fearful that it would trigger a trade war, causing economic slowdown. The uncertainty that these tariffs caused led to a change in investor sentiment. Many became more risk-averse, sold off their stocks, and contributed to a sharp decline in market values.

As individuals know, the effects of a stock market crash can be deeply personal, reducing an individual’s wealth, affecting things like retirement savings, and potentially leading to job losses. Beyond this, the impacts of financial instability can ripple outwards, impacting relationships, the development of unhealthy habits, and families.

Recent research on the several social determinants of mental health has shown that health is shaped largely by social and economic conditions, as well as by health and welfare systems. Recessions can amplify key risk factors for poor mental health – specifically unemployment, debt, and loss of socioeconomic status. Navigating these factors, on top of the regular stressors of daily life may be extremely overwhelming. In other cases, economic downturn can impact mental health by impacting certain protective factors, such as job security and welfare protection programs. Especially for families who do not have a financial cushion, losing the sense of stability in their job can be detrimental.

Financial strain has immediate impacts on the individuals’ mental health. Recent reviews assessing health consequences of economic crises have highlighted a strong relationship between periods of economic downturn and psychopathology ranging from suicide to the onset of mood and anxiety disorders, to exacerbated psychological distress.

Financial stability gives people a sense of control over their lives – and this sense of control is fundamental to mental well-being. When finances, or the state of the economy is uncertain, this can cause individuals to feel hopeless, often developing unhealthy habits or coping mechanisms in an effort to reclaim that sense of control.

One specific impact on the development of negative habits can be seen in an increase in alcohol usage. Stress and anxiety caused from loss of jobs or other financial hardships, can lead to individuals resorting to alcohol consumption to cope. This alcohol usage, and in extreme cases, dependence, can worsen mental health, starting an unhealthy cycle that feeds into increased intake as well as the development of poor mental health. The behaviors and mental state of an individual can ripple outwards, putting strain on the family dynamics.

The family stress model is an influential family process model that illustrates how socioeconomic disadvantage can impact child outcomes via the effect it has on the parents. Children are extremely sensitive to their environment, and parental treatment towards their children, as well as observed behavior can be strongly correlated with the emotions children feel and the habits they develop. The stress that is put on parents may lead them to act differently (perhaps more harshly) toward their children, who then may internalize this behavior, thinking they did something wrong. This tension between children and parents can weaken the mental health of individuals on both sides of the relationship. In fact, it has been found that higher poverty rates are associated with increased rates of family conflict, child neglect and abuse, and intimate partner violence.

Beyond the home, a worsening economy can impact different funding for public schools and community health centers, both of which are needed by youth and families. Research has shown that different tools for positive parenting, prevention of child neglect, and developing resilience can allow for families to cope effectively with the stress that an economic downturn can produce.
This is all important to keep in mind as we work through the weakening and ever-changing economy we have been facing in the past months. Opening the news right when you wake up, you are faced with new updates of where our economy stands. It’s important to recognize the toll that this constant stream of financial uncertainty can have on our mental health. By understanding the fragility of our emotions in response to periods like economic recession, we may be able to implement certain habits or coping mechanisms to mitigate the stress or anxiety felt.

Oftentimes, people assume that being resilient during a recession means staying focused on practical matters—budgeting, saving, investing wisely. While these are essential steps, resilience also means protecting your mental health and emotional well being. It is important for individuals to find healthy coping mechanisms to face their stress. For some, this may mean intentionally making time in your day for outdoor walks, journaling, or getting away from your screens. For other individuals, they may prefer therapy, support groups, or talking openly with loved ones about their concerns. These practices of emotional grounding can make a big difference in the long run. While it may sound silly to hear someone say that journaling or meditation can help you cope with something as serious as an economic downturn, the point is that caring for your mental health is never trivial – especially in times like the present when the world can feel unpredictable. In fact, caring for your mental health may be one of the wisest and most sustainable practices you can adopt.

Your mind matters: Honoring mental health this May

How many times a day do you get asked “How are you?” and give the automatic response of “I’m fine”. Most of us default to this response — whether it’s because we don’t have time to give a deeper explanation or we don’t want to share about how we actually are. When was the last time we checked in on ourselves and asked “How am I really doing”? Mental Health Awareness month is an opportunity to step back and answer that question honestly.

As the month of May rolls around, Mental Health Awareness Month, founded by Mental Health America in 1949, encourages us to break the silence and prioritize our well-being. Its purpose is to open up the conversation surrounding mental health by raising awareness, reducing stigma, and encouraging people to reach out for help or support. During this month, various organizations – such as National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) offer resources and information to support individuals and communities with addressing their mental health.

Breaking the Stigma

With an increase in technology usage, specifically the growth of social media, mental health and mental illness are often misrepresented or misunderstood. Mental health is a deeply personal experience that cannot be captured by a single definition, often leading individuals to feel misunderstood or lost in their emotions. The beauty of Mental Health Awareness Month is that there is opportunity, through means of conversation, research, or even advertisements, to break down the stigmas surrounding mental health.
One of the common misconceptions surrounding mental health is that someone is either mentally healthy or mentally ill. In reality, one’s emotions exist on a continuum. Someone can feel fine one moment, and have a trigger that causes them to react in a certain way. Also, the presence of a mental illness does not always get in the way of an individual’s ability to live a happy and meaningful life. Mental illness does not define how someone acts in their lives, a completely healthy and fulfilled person can struggle. Recognizing that complexity is key.

Why is it important?

Words and attitudes matter. Mental Health Awareness Month provides a more timely and visible space for discussions surrounding mental illness. When we engage in open, vulnerable conversations about mental health, we challenge stereotypes and create space for understanding. Whether it is hearing someone open up about their first-hand experiences, or self-reflecting on your own experiences, openly discussing mental illness can change how it is viewed by others.

For many individuals, it may feel intimidating or “not the right time” for them to discuss their mental health to others. While mental health should always be something acceptable to talk about, it may be easier for people to do so given the presence of Mental Health Awareness month.

This month also shines a spotlight on educational resources and available services, many of which are promoted more during this time. For those who may be unsure or hesitant to seek help, the advertisement of these services can serve as a crucial first step, without the vulnerability of having to ask for help. For instance, the National Institute of Mental Health published information on mental health conditions, including the symptoms, risk factors, treatment options, etc. Also, organizations offer teaching resources that parents can use with their children, or educators can use in the classroom. Certain websites offer “Bystander intervention”, learning how to support and create safe spaces for people.

The current state of mental health

Recent statistics underscore just how important mental health awareness is. According to Mental Health America, nearly 60 million adults experienced a mental illness in the past year. Among these findings, nearly 13 million adults reported serious thoughts about suicide, and more than 45 million adults and 2.3 million youth are experiencing a substance use disorder. These numbers are sobering and show just why it is so important to have a better understanding and support for mental health.

Especially with an increase in the usage of technology, it is extremely important for individuals to stay in check with their mental health. Recent research has found that more exposure to the latest headlines—whether through the news or highlighted on social media—can have a negative impact on mental health. Specifically, with the current political, economic, and environmental conflicts in the US and the world, news is more often than not, draining. Research shows that exposure to distressing news can lead to increased stress levels, anxiety, and even some symptoms of PTSD.

Supporting yourself and others

Supporting mental health begins with awareness and compassion – it doesn’t always mean having the perfect words, but rather being present and simply listening. All mental struggles manifest differently, so it is important to consistently check in on your friends, even when they may “seem fine.” People may mask their pain, and proactive support can be extremely influential.
It may be helpful to open up to your loved ones, in hopes of normalizing conversations regarding mental health. Just like you might share tips with friends about taking care of your physical health, consider the month of May an opportunity to share your experience of how you are caring for your mental health, in hopes of inspiring others. You can be powerful in spreading the message that “it’s okay to not always be okay,” and motivate individuals to seek out help when they need it.

While you have these conversations, it is important to recognize the language you use. Language is powerful, and it is something to pay attention to. In most cases, it is good to use language that puts the person first rather than the condition. For instance, using phrases like “a person with depression” rather than “a depressed person.”
In the end, watching out for yourself and checking in with how you feel should be a priority. Practicing self care and managing your stress is crucial to your mental health. Whether this be getting enough sleep or exercise, reaching out for support from friends or family, or practicing mindfulness during your day — your health is important and the healthier you are, the more able you are to support others too.

Looking forward

You may hear the phrase mind-body connection. What this means is that mental and physical health are related and can affect one another. Taking care of your physical health requires taking care of your mental health, and taking care of your mental health requires taking care of your physical health. Our mental health determines how we go through our day-to-day lives, and the month of May allows for us to take a step back and recognize that.

Mental Health Awareness month can be a collective call to rethink how we view and value mental well-being in our communities and ourselves, and how our mental health is molded by our environments, relationships, culture, and daily pressure. Yes, the month brings great opportunity and awareness—but lasting impacts cannot take place in just a month. Let May open this conversation and motivate individuals to keep checking in with their loved ones and themselves, challenging stigma, and advocating for mental health.

The Most Effective Treatment in the Most Common Mental Health Issues

Understanding how different therapies can be used to treat various disorders is the first step in getting the help you or a loved one needs. Below I will discuss Depression, Trauma/PTSD and Panic Attacks/Panic Disorder, while diving into which therapies are most recommended for these diagnoses.

Depression

Depression is a mental health disorder characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness and loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyable to a person. It can affect how one thinks, feels and handles everyday activities. Depression is more than just temporarily feeling down; It is a serious medical condition that when left untreated can severely impact one’s life. Treatment often involves a combination of medication, psychotherapy, and lifestyle changes.

Therapy

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy is used to help individuals identify negative thought patterns that contribute to their depression. It also helps them develop coping strategies and problem-solving skills.
• Interpersonal Therapy: Interpersonal therapy dives into improving social skills and relationships to aid in alleviating depression symptoms.
• Psychodynamic Therapy: Psychodynamic therapy focuses on past experiences and how unconscious thoughts might influence current emotions and/or behaviors.

Medications

• Antidepressants: There are many types of antidepressants including SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors), SNRIs (Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors), tricyclic antidepressants, and others. These medications adjust the neurotransmitters in the brain, therefore alleviating symptoms of depression. Since there are so many medications on the market for depression it is crucial to work with a psychiatrist or doctor to figure out the right medication and dose for you.

Trauma/PTSD

Trauma and PTSD are closely related and both refer to highly stressful situations or traumatic events. Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope. These often include natural disasters, sexual assault, war, serious incidents, witnessing violence or death and sudden loss of loved ones. PTSD is a psychiatric disorder that often forms after witnessing a traumatic event. Not everyone who experiences a traumatic event develops PTSD. For PTSD or severe traumatic events treatment often includes medication or therapy and sometimes even a combination of both.

Therapy

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy focused on challenging negative thought patterns related to trauma. It can sometimes involve exposure therapy, but often used techniques like cognitive restructuring to change irrational thoughts.
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR focuses on traumatic memories while using bilateral simulation like eye movements, taps and sounds to help digest and reframe those memories.
• Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PE): Prolonged Exposure Therapy helps individuals comfort their fears by talking about trauma related memories, feelings and citations that have been avoided by the individual.

Medications

• Antidepressants: SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) and SNRIs (Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors) are prescribed to help alleviate symptoms of PTSD, such as depression, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts.

Panic Attacks/Panic Disorder

Panic Attacks and Panic Disorder are related terms in the fact that they both describe an intense period of fear or discomfort. They usually arise unexpectedly and suddenly. Panic Attacks are short periods of fear that reach a peak within minutes. Panic attacks can take place in many situations, but can also happen without any clear trigger or warning. Panic Disorder is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by recurrent Panic Attacks. With this disorder it is often found that the individual stresses about the possibility of another panic attack as well. This can influence one’s lifestyle and often leads to avoidance of places where previous attacks or ‘triggers’ occur. Treatment for these diagnoses usually include a combination of therapies and sometimes benefits from medications as well.

Therapy

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy educates individuals on panic attacks and focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns.
• Cognitive Restructuring: Cognitive restructuring challenges individuals’ irrational thoughts that contribute to panic attacks.

Medications

• Antidepressants: SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) and SNRIs (Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors) increase serotonin in the brain and are prescribed to reduce the frequency of panic attacks.
• Beta-Blockers: Beta Blockers are used to relieve symptoms of anxiety such as shaking and rapid heart beat.
• Benzodiazepines: Benzodiazepines increase the neurotransmitter GABA in the brain, which is a chemical that helps individuals feel calm. They are sometimes used for short term acute anxiety, but have the risk of dependence.

For all of these disorders and diagnoses it is important to remember that keeping up with a healthy lifestyle like exercising, eating correctly, and maintaining good sleep can affect the outcome of treatments. There are also peer and support groups available for individuals who are going through similar experiences to further discuss and give the individual someone to relate to.

References
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/panic-disorder-when-fear-overwhelms

Rebuilding Trust: “Healing from Betrayal: Steps to Rebuild Trust”

Why do people betray?

Relationship betrayal occurs when a person breaks the unwritten contract of respect, honesty, and dependability between themselves and their significant other. It can stem from dissatisfaction in a partnership, a lack of intimacy, feelings of insecurity, or a desire for automacy. In fact, research shows that some of the most common motivating factors that lead to an act of betrayal include anger with one’s partner, a desire for more intimacy or love than offered, a wish for more independence, and situational factors that compromise decision making. Whatever the reason for betrayal, the effects it has on both the person being betrayed and the relationship can be incredibly damaging.

What is the Aftermath of Betrayal on the Individual?

Betrayal can activate a trauma response in our body, leading to emotional numbness, physical health problems, and mental health effects. This can lead to a higher propensity for getting sick, bodily exhaustion, and emotional burnout. In fact, research has shown that individuals who have been betrayed were more likely to report anxiety and depressive symptoms, have difficulty concentrating, suffer from insomnia, and experience somatic symptoms relating to the relationship trauma. Moreover, women who have experienced the threat of an extramarital affair had a sixfold increase in the likelihood of suffering from a major depressive episode.

What are the Steps to Rebuilding Trust?

1. Prevent it before it happens
   Couples can prevent relationship betrayal through protective measures. Factors that support monogamy as backed by research include: maintaining a healthy level of intimacy, establishing boundaries with one another, building a secure relational attachment, and communicating openly with one another. Asking for support is another option. Couples therapy has been shown effective in over 70% of cases.
2. Identify barriers
   Past relationship trauma or anxious and avoidant attachment styles can play a role in predicting the likelihood of infidelity. Acknowledging that one’s own past experiences may affect the current relationship allows partners to be vulnerable and work towards a lasting future together, without negating the past.
3. Accept Responsibility and Change Behavior
   When a person betrays their partner’s trust, the first step in reconciliation is owning up to their mistake. Acknowledge the harmful action and its effects on the other person. After they have validated their partner’s feelings, specific behaviors such as improved communication, setting boundaries, or seeking therapy should be taken to show a commitment to change.
4. Grive, Space, and Self Compassion
   For the person who was betrayed, feeling the rush of emotions and giving yourself space to process them is important. After you have had time to reflect and gain clarity, incorporating self-care daily should be a priority. Some examples may include physical activity, getting coffee or dinner with friends, getting enough sleep, or watching your comfort show on TV.

Moving Forward

If both parties are willing to reconcile the relationship, forgiveness can be a powerful tool. Continued efforts to change behavior and improved communication are key to rebuilding trust. Afterall, a lasting relationship cannot survive without trust. “Whether a friendship, family relationship, or business or personal partnership, any bond is built on trust. Without trust, you have nothing.”

The Happiness Formula

Wouldn’t it be amazing if there were a simple formula for happiness? It may sound too good to be true, but a recipe for happiness, motivation, and energy exists—and anyone can achieve it. The secret lies in “working” for your dopamine.

People often lump serotonin and dopamine together as the “happy” chemicals in our brain, but dopamine is the true player when it comes to drive, motivation, pleasure, and excitement for life. While serotonin elevates mood, it is more of the “zen” neurotransmitter, regulating anxiety, sleep, and appetite. Dopamine, on the other hand, is released whenever we do something we enjoy, reinforcing that behavior and driving us to engage in it again. The catch is that this neuromodulator is often associated with hedonic activities—over-eating, gambling, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, and risky sexual behavior.

While these high risk, addictive behaviors may give an initial rush of euphoria or elation, most also come with a dip in mood and anhedonia afterward. So, how do the things that bring us the most pleasure inevitably end up making us feel worse?

Why we have to work for happiness

Artificial increases in dopamine often cause people to drop below their baseline levels. When it comes to behaviors such as drinking, overeating, or substance use, dopamine plays a role in pain avoidance – that is, taking away a negative feeling state. This is why addiction can become a vicious cycle, where individuals engage in these behaviors or take substances just to feel “normal” again. The key to lasting happiness is increasing dopamine through activities that require a little “work” to get there.

Here are the 5 ingredients for a long-term dopamine boost:

• Exercising regularly – Exercise releases a cocktail of neurotransmitters, one of them being dopamine. Whether you’ve experienced the elusive “runner’s high,” felt a sense of accomplishment after an intense HIIT session, or found peace in a restorative yoga class, you’ve unknowingly increased your dopamine levels. What’s even more exciting is that research shows consistent exercise can increase the number of dopamine receptors in your brain, contributing to greater feelings of reward and sustaining healthy habits long-term.
• Social Interaction – Humans are social creatures by nature, and positive social interactions naturally trigger dopamine release, leaving us feeling connected and fulfilled. However, in today’s fast-paced world, scheduling time for socializing—whether it’s grabbing dinner with friends or blocking out time to attend a group event—can feel like a chore. Yet, the reward is almost always worth it. Beyond boosting immediate happiness, regular social engagement improves overall health, reduces the risk of chronic illness, and enhances overall life satisfaction.
• Eating healthfully – Junk food like chocolate, ultra-processed snacks, and sugary treats provide an immediate surge of dopamine but come with a price: they ultimately lead to sluggishness, gut imbalances, and desensitization of the brain’s dopamine circuits. On the other hand, nourishing your body with balanced, whole foods provides sustained energy and boosts mood over time. Taking the time to cook a nutritious meal, prep healthy lunches, or even treat yourself to a green smoothie not only fuels your body but also reinforces a positive dopamine cycle by making you feel proud of your choices.
• Sunlight Exposure – While exposure to sunlight early in the day mainly works to increase serotonin levels, it indirectly impacts dopamine as well. By regulating our circadian rhythm and boosting vitamin D levels, sunlight exposure helps maintain energy levels throughout the day and promotes better sleep at night. Getting 15–30 minutes of sunlight within the first hour of waking can do wonders for your mental health and overall well-being.
• Arousing, novel activities – New activities—though they may require a bit of planning or effort—naturally increase dopamine and norepinephrine levels, enhancing feelings of excitement, alertness, and motivation. These activities don’t have to be as extreme as skydiving or bungee jumping to have a positive effect. Something as simple as taking a spontaneous dip in the ocean triggers the same reward pathways in your brain.

Habit Stacking

Most people can recognize that these activities are good for them, yet understanding the science behind them isn’t always enough to build consistent habits. That’s where habit stacking comes in. Habit stacking is a tool that pairs an established habit with a behavior you’d like to begin engaging in regularly. It can be a very effective way to reinforce that new habit over time.

• Caffeine and exercise – Enjoying a morning cup of coffee or an energy drink followed by the gym can help you capitalize on your workout with elevated energy levels and wakefulness.
• Sweet treat and work – Rewarding yourself with a small treat with friends after accomplishing your tasks for the day can create a positive association between productivity and help combat procrastination.
• Walk after work – Unwinding and clearing your mind with a leisurely walk after work reminds your brain and body that the evening time is for relaxing.
• Reading before bed – Swapping scrolling on your phone with reading for 10–20 minutes before bed is a great way to reinforce a calming, head-clearing habit.
• Music and chores – Making chores like doing laundry or cleaning the dishes less mundane by pairing them with energy-boosting music playlists.

There is some truth in the saying “Nothing in this world that’s worth having comes easy.” By slowly working to increase your brain’s pleasure chemicals and avoiding instant gratification and the inevitable dip, you can build the foundation for sustained happiness and health. Habit stacking established routines with new healthy behaviors can provide additional structure to motivate these types of behaviors.

Relationship Growth and Repair: Preventative Measures and Therapeutic Approaches to Couples Therapy

Many couples wait until they feel like their relationship is nearly impossible to mend before seeking couple’s therapy. Years of buildup – festering resentment, unresolved conflict, and growing annoyances finally come to a culmination and force people to seek outside help. If this sounds like you, know you are not alone. In fact, it takes men an average of 3.7 years and 7.4 years to seek professional help despite distress in their relationships.

Whether you’re at this point or in a happy, satisfying relationship, there are ways to proactively protect your relationship or help repair it:

Relationship Maintenance Activities

Conflict in relationships is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to derail intimacy or communication. If you are currently in a satisfied relationship, here are some things you can do to proactively maintain those positive feelings.

1. Strengthen an already strong relationship: Trying out new activities such as taking a cooking class together, planning and going on a trip together, or testing out the new restaurant in your neighborhood are all good ways to keep a relationship fun and exciting.
2. Avert declines by implementing maintenance behaviors: If you have a nightly routine–say, making dinner and watching a show– sticking to simple pleasures can help strengthen routines you and your partner value.
3. Respond constructively to conflict to repair problems in the moment: Addressing conflict is uncomfortable, but it is important to do so. Responding to your partner in moments of pain can reinforce the idea that you care and understand them.

Self-Expansion Theory

The self-expansion theory of relationships states that humans are inherently motivated to grow themselves and entering a new relationship is one day of promoting that self-expansion. However, after you have been with your partner for some time, you’ve adopted many of the same routines or hobbies, the process of self-expansion diminishes. To counteract that, active efforts must be taken. In fact, research has shown that one of the best ways to improve relationship satisfaction is participating in novel, arousing activities with your partner. Engaging in adrenaline-pumping experiences—such as high-intensity exercise, visiting an amusement park, or even watching a scary movie that gets the heart racing—can help combat this decline and rekindle excitement in the relationship.

But what if you feel like your relationship is already going through a rough patch, and repair is required rather than maintenance? In such cases, seeking professional help is one of the best ways to gain insight to where the conflict is arising and gain a new perspective on how to address it.

Common Relationship Problems

Some of the most common reasons people seek couples therapy include:

1. Communication Problems
2. Power Struggles
3. Unrealistic Expectations
4. Sex
5. Solving Problems
6. Showing Affection
7. Money
8. Lack of Loving Feelings
9. Children
10. Serious Individual Problems

Recognizing you are not alone and relationship struggles are universal may be the first step to seeking support.

Types of Couples Therapy

There are many approaches to helping partners navigate their relationship struggles, and each approach has its strengths and weaknesses. With this in mind, it may be necessary to try out different approaches to determine which one works best for you and your partner’s personal needs.

Systems Therapy: This therapy approach emphasizes the idea that underlying repetitive patterns of interactions and unspoken rules and beliefs create tension and escalate conflict between partners.

• Reframing: A common technique used in the Systems Therapy, reframing involves relabeling a specific behavior in a more productive perspective:
  • One partner may claim, “He never wants to have sex with me! He’s not even attracted to me anymore.”
  • Reframing would involve taking a curious, more objective stance: The therapist may intervene and propose, “Is there the possibility your partner is feeling stressed or emotionally distant making it hard to feel connected – he did mention his father’s illness has been taking a toll on his energy. Can we identify possible contributing factors and work together to rebuild intimacy?”

Behavioral Therapy: This approach emphasizes behaviors observed between partners and the perceptions and interpretations that give rise to these behaviors. Rooted in Social Exchange Theories, Behavioral Couples Therapy (BCT) focuses on improving relationships by changing behavioral interaction between partners, improving communication, and facilitating problem solving.

• Behavior exchange: The first stage of BCT, where the therapist begins to understand how partners can shift their behavior towards more positive ones and demonstrates how improving their relationship can be enjoyable.
• Communication training: The second stage of BCT where the couple learns concrete skills on how to communicate effectively, taking turns as listener and speaker.
• Problem-solving training: The third stage of BCT where the therapist provides specific tools and guidelines to facilitate communication and problem-solving between partners.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: An adjunct of behavioral couples therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy (CBCT) adds a cognitive component to explaining couples’ interactions. This type of couples therapy emphasizes the importance of interpretation – the way each individual interprets their partner’s behavior plays a major role in their reaction and how that action makes them feel. CBCT helps couples escape undesirable cycles of behavior and change negative thinking patterns through cognitive training.

Integrative behavioral couples therapy: A newer rendition of the original behavioral couple’s therapy, IBCT equips couples with tools to tolerate and accept certain aspects of their relationship or partner they cannot change. This technique is often referred to as tolerance building:

• Tolerance building is an aspect of Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT) where one partner identifies undesirable or differing behaviors in their significant other, and the therapist helps them radically accept these differences.
• Example:
  One partner complains that their husband is constantly disorganized, leaving things around the house and creating clutter.
• Perspective Shift:
  The therapist encourages the frustrated partner to understand that their husband’s disorganization may stem from his personality (e.g., not being as type-A) or from external factors, such as stress from work.
• Reframe:
  “I understand that you may not be as focused on neatness as I am, and I know work has been very busy lately, so tidiness may not be the top priority. Can we find a way to compromise on how we manage the space?”

Emotionally Focused Therapy: This type of couples therapy is most rooted in Attachment Theory. EFT helps partners regain a sense of security and share their repressed “primary” emotions (such as abandonment, sadness, and fear of rejection), which are often overshadowed by outward, self-protective “secondary emotions” (such as contempt, anger, or disdain). The sessions are designed to bring couples closer together so they can feel safe sharing their true feelings and fears with one another.

Choosing the Right Approach

These five approaches to couples therapy only scratch the surface of therapeutic interventions available for relationships. Other highly regarded and widely utilized methods include the Gottman Method, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Imago Relationship Therapy (IMAGO), and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for couples. It may try out different approaches to therapy to discover which type is most beneficial for you and your partner, or you may find an integrative approach—combining aspects from various methods—most effective.

The Importance of a Good Night’s Sleep on Adolescent Mental Health

Introduction

Sleep plays a critical role in the physical and mental health of today’s teens. While the official recommendation calls for adolescents to receive 8-10 hours of sleep each night, many teens average much less. Insufficient sleep in teens has been associated with poor academic performance, mood disorders, anxiety and depression, substance abuse, and even suicidal thoughts. The fact that so many teens fail to get a good night’s sleep suggests that teen and parental education on this topic could significantly improve the mental health of our adolescent community.

The Science of Sleep & Well-Being

Historically, researchers and medical professionals believed that sleep was a passive state, meaning that the brain was inactive and resting when sleeping. However, more recent research has shown that the brain is engaged and active during sleep, working to support functions that are essential for an individual’s overall health and well-being. Sleep is regulated by the body’s internal clock, or circadian rhythm, which is an indicator of the body’s sleep-wake cycle over the 24 hour day. During non-REM sleep, the first stage of sleep, the body works to regulate heart rate and breathing, restore itself, and slow down. In the latter stages of non-REM sleep, the body is in a deep sleep. Transitioning to REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, the body dreams and regulates emotions. On an average night, one can cycle multiple times through non-REM and REM sleep. While it was previously believed that REM sleep supported active brain functions like learning and memory, researchers have since determined that the restorative nature of non-REM sleep actually better supports these functions.

Overall, almost every bodily system is impacted by sleep. During the deeper stages of sleep, the brain begins to remove waste products from brain cells through what has recently become known as the glymphatic system. Similar to the lymphatic system, researchers have realized that deep sleep permits the brian to cleanse itself to a greater degree than was previously understood. Accordingly, healthy sleep habits may lead to a decreased incidence of neurological disorders later in life, such as Alzheimer’s disease and dementia. Studies have also found correlations between sleep and other neurological disorders, such as Parkinson’s Disease and strokes. In addition to neurological impacts, sleep highly affects metabolism as it alters hormone levels, such as ghrelin and leptin, which affect appetite. More specifically, lack of sleep leads to decreased leptin levels and increased ghrelin levels, which ultimately may lead to weight gain and obesity, and ultimately diabetes. Because sleep is so essential to health and well-being, it is crucial that adolescents achieve the amount of sleep that their body requires to productively perform these functions. Every individual’s body requires a different amount of sleep, which is mainly determined by age. While the exact number varies, it is estimated that teens should receive 8-10 hours of sleep each day. In addition to the amount of sleep, sleep quality is believed to have an even bigger effect on an individual’s health. Therefore, poor sleep quality, even for the recommended number of hours, can lead to negative mental health outcomes.

Sleep Deprivation

Leading to Mental Health Issues Due to the connection between sleep and our physical well-being, it is not surprising that sleep also affects our emotional and psychological health. A lack of sleep makes it more difficult to deal with even minor stress factors and can lead to an inability to maintain a positive outlook on life. Sleep impacts our attention span and ability to learn and digest new information. Conversely, insufficient sleep, particularly for adolescents, makes it difficult for teens to pay attention for six or more hours a day in school, participate in after-school activities, and complete what may be hours of homework each evening. A failure to do any of these things may lead to anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, chronic insomnia, drug or alcohol abuse, or other emotional/psychological disorders.

Anxiety

Anxiety is an individual’s feelings of worry or fear, often followed by physical symptoms such as an increased heart rate, sweating, and muscle tension. From a biological perspective, lack of sleep increases cortisol levels, a stress hormone that impacts anxiety and affects mood regulation, nervousness, and feelings of worry. Research has shown that sleep deprivation can trigger anxiety in individuals or worsen existing anxiety, particularly in adolescents who are less equipped to distinguish between the confusing physical and psychological symptoms of anxiety. Moreover, the relationship between sleep and anxiety is not a one way cycle, but a negative continuous circle. While lack of sleep can exacerbate anxiety, anxiety can also lead to a lack of sleep. Anxious feelings and thoughts can keep an individual up at night, which in turn can lead to restlessness and even more anxiety. Not surprisingly, insomnia is often a symptom of anxiety disorder. In order to break this circle, it is very important that teens experiencing difficulty sleeping seek help as soon as possible.

Depression

Unhealthy sleep patterns in adolescents can also lead to depression, a mental health condition characterized by extreme levels of sadness, hopelessness, and overall loss of interest. Lack of sleep decreases neurotransmitters in the brain such as serotonin and dopamine that regulate mood and emotions. Indeed, individuals with insomnia are much more likely to develop depression than those who get an appropriate amount of sleep each night. Because insufficient sleep prevents the body from healing itself emotionally or physically during the night, too little sleep causes both increased negative reactions to everyday stressors and decreased positive emotional states. Like anxiety, sleep and depression also have a cyclical relationship – while insomnia may cause depression, depressive disorders also lead to insomnia, and many individuals with depression have trouble falling and staying asleep. Serious insomnia can impair decision making and clear thinking, ultimately leading to suicidal thoughts and ideations. Therefore, the risk of suicide is important to consider when adressing adolescent sleep concerns. Treating sleep issues in teens at an early stage can significantly help alleviate depressive symptoms.

Substance Abuse and Other Risky Behaviors

Research has also shown that insufficient sleep levels can lead to increased alcohol and drug usage, including binge drinking, drunk driving, black outs, and other dangerous behaviors. While more research is needed on the exact connection between sleep and alcohol/drug use, teens suffering from insomnia are more likely to use alcohol or drugs (marijuana) as a sleep aid, which can act as a gateway to future problems. Conversely, drug and alcohol abuse can often lead to insomnia, so it is sometimes difficult to know which is the underlying cause. Some of these teens also report engaging in risky sexual behavior, struggling in school academically, or having problems with relationships with friends and family

Social Media and Technology Use By Teens Impacts Healthy Sleep Patterns

By all accounts, technology use among teens – social media, television, and video games – has reached epidemic proportions, and much of this use occurs in the evening before bedtime. In addition to causing teens to stay up later and get less sleep, research demonstrates that screen time in the evenings negatively affects both the duration and quality of teens’ sleep patterns. Blue light, which comes from the screen of devices, prevents the body from making melatonin, making it harder to fall asleep. Scrolling through social media before bed can also be overstimulating for young brains, causing social anxiety and stress which leads them to have more difficulty falling asleep. Social media usage has also been shown to lead to anxiety and depression, especially for adolescent females with body image issues who spend countless hours comparing themselves to others, which in turn leads to sleep loss. Notifications and checking messages and social media during the night also can cause disrupted sleep patterns or even obsessive technological behaviors. This sleep deprivation in the evenings quickly translates into increased sleepiness during the day. For parents, it is important to set boundaries. Consider having a no screen time rule prior and during sleep, beginning one hour before bedtime. Keep phones, iPads, and computers charging in the kitchen, instead of in teens’ bedrooms.

10 Strategies to ensure that you are getting the best sleep possible

1. Plan ahead to get 8-10 hours of sleep each night.
2. Establish a consistent routine – have a bedtime and pre bed routine like skincare, reading, journaling, ect.
3. Make sure you have a healthy sleep inducing environment – no bright lights or noise, set the room to a comfortable temperature, and declutter the bed before bedtime.
4. No technology (phone, computer, or TV) in the hour or two leading up to bed.
5. Go to bed when you are tired! Listen to your body’s signals. Engage in a relaxing activity or breathing exercises if you are anxious or your body is not tired before bed.
6. Skip naps or take them early in the day.
7. Eat a healthy diet, especially for dinner – do not go to bed too hungry or too full. Avoid spicy foods and large meals before bed, as they can make it more difficult to fall or stay asleep. Certain foods – tart cherries, kiwi, fatty fish (salmon and tuna) – can have a beneficial effect on sleep.
8. Avoid caffeine and drugs before bed (coffee, alcohol, nicotine). Stimulants will keep you awake.
9. Exercise in the morning or early afternoon if possible. Exercise during the day will help exhaust the body and make you more likely to fall asleep, but evening exercise may actually have the opposite effect.
10. If you are struggling with sleep or feeling anxious at night, talk to your parents or a medical professional

When and How to Seek Help

In the first instance, unhealthy sleep patterns should be addressed by lifestyle changes if possible. When sleep problems persist and begin affecting an adolescent’s daily life, it is important for them to immediately seek help. Different forms of therapy and/or medication can be appropriate, depending upon the severity, duration, and mental health impact of the sleep deprivation. For chronic insomnia or serious sleep issues that have resulted in mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression, mental health professionals and sleep specialists will often recommend CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy, to help patients understand what is causing the sleep disorder, as well as the best way to address the problem. CBT is a type of goal-driven talk therapy that is useful in treating a myriad of mental health conditions. It can be used alone or in conjunction with medication under adult supervision. While there are a number of prescription medications that may be recommended for mental health conditions, Melatonin is a natural supplement that can be taken before bed to help reset the body’s natural sleep cycle. It is generally safe for short term use, but longer term use should be discussed with a medical provider.

Navigating Parenting with a LGBTQ Child

Sexual orientation refers to a person’s physical, emotional, or romantic attraction to others. It is composed of 5 key characteristics including romantic attraction, sexual attraction, sexual identity, sexual arousal and sexual behavior. Gender identity on the other hand, refers to the sense of which sex a person belongs to. It is a non-binary construct meaning a person can identify with the sex they were assigned with at birth (cis-gender) or feel like they fit an identity outside the male or female binary, such as gender fluid, gender non-conforming, or transgender.

For parents who are cisgender, it can be feel difficult at first raising a child who identifies as queer or as part of the LGBTQ community. There are unique challenges to address such as navigating pronouns, understanding your child’s activity preferences and ways of dressing, and monitoring your child’s peer interactions. These experiences can feel confusing, overwhelming, or uncomfortable at times. Although you may not understand exactly what your child is feeling, fostering a supportive environment and being accepting of who they are will help them grow into their identity.

Cultivating Compassion and Understanding

Coming out is an incredibly brave action. For many children and teens, coming out to a parent can mean disclosing a life-changing aspect of themselves to the person they look up to most. As a parent, this moment can feel completely unexpected and stir up a mix of emotions from confusion, to anger, guilt, or even grief. However, ultimately, coming to terms with your child’s new identity and supporting them are critical to maintaining a loving, strong relationship. Acceptance is the first step because for most children and teens, your approval as a parent matters greatly. Having you to fall back on will help your child develop resilience and navigate life in the face of adversities that may arise.

The Importance of Time Spent Together: Joint Activities

It is unrealistic to understand exactly what your child is going through. As they are discovering their own identity, they are likely feeling conflicting emotions and confusion. Spending quality time together can bridge gaps of disconnect and demonstrate your love and support. Movie nights are a great family-bonding activity and you can rotate who chooses the film each week or pick as a family. Cooking with your child offers a chance to experiment with new recipes and share your final product together. Learning about your child’s favorite hobbies and engaging in them together – whether through music, trivia, art, or sports– is a great way to connect and validate their interests.

Addressing Challenges: Bullying and Mental Health

LGBTQ youth are at a heightened risk of mental health problems and suicidality. Factors such as familial disapproval, school victimization, low self-esteem, and bullying contribute to this elevated risk. As a parent, you cannot protect your child from all challenges they may encounter, but you can help minimize them and support your child when they arise.

• Checking in: Monitoring peer relations becomes an added responsibility of parenthood. Try to check in with your child and ask how school is, inquire about their friendships, and offer a safe environment for them to confide in. Maintaining open, empathetic communication can help them feel more comfortable coming to you if issues come up.
• Debriefing: Nearly 1 in 3 LGBTQ youth are victims of bullying, verbal harassment, or cyberbullying. If you suspect your child is being bullied, listen, get the full details, and come up with an action plan. Role-playing what they could say or do the next time they encounter the bully is a helpful pre-arming technique. Remind them bullies are usually struggling with their own self-esteem issues and take it out on others. Reach out to their school to make sure anti-bullying policies are implemented.

Seeking Help

Individual or Family therapy are good options if you feel you need extra support. One newer therapeutic design for LGB youth is Attachment-Based Family Therapy (ABFT). ABFT designed for LGB youth aims to target and repair the parent-child relationship, rebuild trust, and establish a secure caregiver attachment, all while addressing emotional challenges related to identity and sexual orientation. It has shown efficacy in clinical trials in reducing suicidality, depression, and attachment-based anxiety and avoidance.

Final Thoughts

Raising a LGBTQ+ child has a host of challenges, especially as you navigate unfamiliar territory. However, showing empathy, acceptance, and active involvement are foundational to supporting your child. Accepting their identity means staying engaged in their life: joint activities, protecting from potential bullying, and seeking additional resources are key. These efforts demonstrate acts of love and commitment to them and can help them thrive, even when difficulties come up.

Navigating Sexual Rejection in Relationships: A Therapist’s Guide to Productive Conversations

Intimacy is a crucial part of many romantic relationships, yet conversations about sex can be among the most difficult to have. When one partner initiates and the other withdraws—either by rejecting advances or shutting down emotionally—it can create a painful cycle of rejection, avoidance, and misunderstanding.

In my work with couples, I often hear one partner express deep hurt, feeling unwanted or disconnected. Meanwhile, the other partner may feel overwhelmed, pressured, or unsure how to respond. These dynamics can erode intimacy over time, leading to frustration, resentment, and emotional distance.

So how can couples break this cycle and engage in open, non-defensive conversations about sex?

Start with Vulnerability, Not Blame

One of the most common pitfalls in discussing intimacy is framing the issue in a way that feels like an attack. Statements like, “You never want to have sex with me” or “I feel like you don’t find me attractive” can put a partner on the defensive, making them more likely to withdraw.

Instead, I encourage my clients to reframe their concerns in a way that highlights their personal experience without assigning blame. For example:
✔ “Lately, I’ve been feeling hurt and disconnected when we don’t have intimacy, and I’d really like to talk about it.”

This approach keeps the focus on feelings rather than accusations, creating space for a more open dialogue.

Acknowledge Your Partner’s Experience

If your partner tends to shut down during difficult conversations, it’s important to acknowledge that they may be feeling overwhelmed, guilty, or even ashamed. A simple statement like:
✔ “I know this is a tough topic, and I don’t want you to feel pressured. I just want us to understand each other better.”
can go a long way in reducing defensiveness and increasing receptivity.

By validating your partner’s emotions, you create a safer environment for them to engage rather than withdraw.

Express Your Needs Without Demands

Sexual desire varies widely between individuals, and mismatched libidos are common in relationships. If one partner has a higher drive than the other, it’s easy for both to feel inadequate—the initiator may feel unwanted, while the less interested partner may feel pressured.

A more constructive approach is to shift the focus from expectation to collaboration. Rather than saying, “We need to have sex more” (which can feel like a demand), try:
✔ “Physical intimacy makes me feel connected to you, and I’d love to explore ways we can feel close that work for both of us.”

This language invites discussion rather than setting an expectation that one partner must change.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

To encourage dialogue, it’s helpful to ask questions that invite reflection rather than yes/no answers. Examples include:

• “What’s been on your mind when it comes to intimacy?”
• “How do you feel about the way we connect physically?”
• “Is there something I could do that would make intimacy feel more comfortable for you?”

Open-ended questions help shift the conversation from frustration to mutual understanding.

What If Your Partner Shuts Down Completely?

Despite best efforts, some people still struggle to engage in these conversations. If your partner refuses to talk about it, a gentle approach may help:
✔ “I know this isn’t easy to talk about, and I don’t want to force it. But this is something that’s important to me, and I’d really love to understand your perspective when you’re ready.”

If avoidance continues, couples therapy can provide a structured space for both partners to express their needs and concerns with the guidance of a professional.

Small Changes, Big Impact

When intimacy challenges arise, it’s rarely about just sex—it’s about emotional closeness, vulnerability, and feeling valued in a relationship. Even small efforts, like intentional touch, affectionate gestures, or scheduled time to connect, can help rebuild intimacy without pressure.

By approaching the conversation with vulnerability, curiosity, and compassion, couples can shift from a cycle of rejection and withdrawal to one of understanding and connection.

The Power of Perspective: A Simple Practice to See the Silver Lining

Humans are biologically hard-wired to seek out the negative in the world. A phenomenon called the “negativity bias” is an evolutionarily pre-programmed cognitive bias that makes us more attuned to negative stimuli in our environment and more likely to dwell on these events.

From an evolutionary standpoint, this bias makes sense. If there was a threat of predators pouncing at any moment or a chance that viable food and water would be scarce, hyper-awareness of potential dangers would aid in survival. However, in modern society, this trait no longer serves its original beneficial function. As modern-day stressors have shifted from life-or-death scenarios to concerns about career, family, and relationships, evolutionary mismatch takes hold. A trait that once helped protect us from predators and dangerous situations now increases our risk for negative mood states and rumination.

Although it may not be possible to completely rewire this ingrained tendency, psychologists have developed tools to help shift thinking patterns to be more neutral or even positive—especially for those predisposed to negative thinking.

Harvard professor, author, and motivational speaker Arthur C. Brooks is one of the experts who has turned the negativity bias on its head. He presents a highly effective method for challenging our default negative thinking: the “failure and disappointment journal.” The protocol he outlines is simple yet powerful:

Every time you experience something that feels like a loss, a disappointment, or a source of suffering, write it down. The key is to leave two blank lines below each failure. A month later, come back to the first line that you wrote about the failure and write down something that you learned from it. Three months later, come back to the second line and write down a positive outcome that happened because of that disappointment.

This practice works because it gradually shifts how your brain perceives negative events. Failures—things people typically dwell on—become opportunities for learning. Instead of ruminating, you begin to actively look for the positives that emerge over time.

Here’s a practical breakdown of implementing the “failure and disappointment journal” in your daily life:

Step 1: Choose your format

• Decide whether you want a physical notebook to write down your failures in, or if you would prefer a digital form either in your Notes app, Google Docs, or Voice Memo.

Step 2: Set up your entry

• •  Format your entry in a way that makes sense to you
  • For example:
    • Date – to keep track of the event and your reflections
    • The event – briefly write out the disappointment, struggle, or failure
    • Two Blank Lines – leave two lines open to be filled in for your one and three month reflections
  • Sample entry:

• Date: Feb 1, 2025

• The event: Messed up on my work briefing in front of my boss and a conference room full of co-workers. Felt like an air-head and embarrassed. 

• March 1 reflection: 

• May 1 reflection: 

Step 3: Set up a time to reflect

• Although the failures may not come at predictable times, set out a time each month and three months from your first recording to reflect back on them.
• Set reminders on your phone to revisit each entry one month and three months later.

Why it works:

The “failure and disappointment journal” is a more structured alternative to traditional gratitude journaling. One of the main benefits is that it gives individuals a more guided, intentional way to organize their thoughts and reframe negative thinking. Understanding that our tendency to dwell on negativity is evolutionary ingrained can also help people shift their mindset. While the bias is pre-wired,  it can be challenged and overridden through deliberate practice and methods like this one.

Do I Need a Life Coach? Stories of Change and Growth

It was a late Thursday afternoon when Laura sat at her favorite café, staring blankly at her laptop. Her email inbox was overflowing, a testament to her successful career as a marketing executive. Her friends often joked about how she seemed to have everything: the high-powered job, the enviable social life, and the sleek apartment downtown. Yet, as she sipped her espresso, she couldn’t shake the persistent feeling that something was missing. She was unfulfilled—but the reason why was just out of reach.

Laura wasn’t battling a traumatic event or deep-seated emotional wounds; she didn’t feel she needed therapy. But she knew she needed clarity, direction, and someone to help her untangle the threads of her ambitions and desires. A friend suggested she try working with a life coach. Skeptical but curious, Laura decided to give it a shot. Little did she know, that decision would be the catalyst for a profound transformation.

When You Feel Stuck but Not Broken

Laura’s first session with her coach was unlike anything she had expected. There was no couch to lie on, no probing into her past to uncover hidden traumas. Instead, her coach asked her pointed questions about her current life, her strengths, and what she wanted to achieve. “What would fulfillment look like for you?” her coach asked. At first, Laura had no idea how to answer, but together, they worked through a series of exercises to identify her core values and explore career paths that aligned with her passions.

Over time, Laura’s coach helped her map out potential professional journeys, complete with actionable steps. They analyzed her strengths and skills, uncovering opportunities she hadn’t considered before. By the end of their sessions, Laura had a clear vision for transitioning into a consulting role that combined her love for marketing with her newfound interest in sustainability. And she felt energized by her work.

Laura’s story illustrates one of the many reasons someone might turn to a life coach: the need for an impartial, professional guide to help navigate life’s crossroads. Unlike friends or family members, a coach is laser-focused on you, offering unbiased insights and strategies tailored to your unique situation. And unlike therapists who may focus on healing past wounds, coaches help you design a forward-looking action plan based on your goals.

Helping Families Navigate Challenges

Life coaching isn’t just for professionals like Laura; it can also make a difference for families navigating complex dynamics. Take the case of Sarah and David, a happily married couple grappling with an unexpected challenge: their son, Ethan. A bright and creative college sophomore, Ethan had always been the life of the party. But his grades told a different story. Recently diagnosed with ADHD, Ethan admitted that he struggled with organization and time management, leaving him overwhelmed and underperforming.

Sarah and David love their son deeply and wanted to support him, but weren’t sure how. Ethan needed practical tools to manage his academic workload. Sara and David sought out a life coach who specialized in executive function coaching for young adults.

Ethan’s coach worked with him to develop techniques tailored to his ADHD. Together, they created systems for prioritizing tasks, breaking large projects into manageable steps, and setting realistic deadlines. The coach also introduced him to digital tools like task management apps and time-blocking techniques. With regular check-ins, Ethan not only improved his grades but also gained confidence in his ability to manage his responsibilities.

For Sarah and David, the transformation was a relief. The coach’s focus on practical solutions and strategies took the pressure off them as parents, allowing them to support Ethan without micromanaging his every move. This experience underscores how coaching can provide targeted, actionable help that goes beyond what friends or family might offer.

Growing a Business with a Partner in Strategy

Now, let’s meet James, an ambitious entrepreneur with big dreams for his boutique graphic design business. James had no shortage of talent or passion, but he struggled to attract new clients. Every time he tried to implement a marketing strategy, he felt overwhelmed by the sheer volume of advice out there. He would start one approach, abandon it midway, and jump to another. Frustrated and stuck, James knew he needed help—but not the kind of help a friend or colleague could offer.

Enter his life coach, who specializes in business development. In their first session, the coach asked James to outline his ideal client base and the types of projects he wanted to pursue. They then worked backward to identify the steps needed to reach those clients. Together, they crafted a marketing strategy that played to James’ strengths, focusing on building relationships through networking events and showcasing his portfolio on social media platforms where his ideal clients spent time.

The coach also held James accountable. During each session, they reviewed his progress, celebrated wins, and tackled any obstacles that had come up. Over time, James not only gained more clients but also developed the confidence and discipline to stick to his strategy. Today, his business is thriving, and he credits his coach for helping him turn vague ideas into actionable results.

James’s story highlights another key benefit of life coaching: accountability. Unlike friends or colleagues who might offer well-meaning advice but lack follow-through, a coach serves as a dedicated partner in your success, ensuring you stay on track and adapt as needed.

Why Not Just Ask a Friend or Family Member?

You might wonder, “Why not just talk to a friend, family member, or colleague about these challenges?” While these relationships are invaluable for emotional support, they often come with limitations:

1. Lack of Expertise: Friends and family may not have the specific knowledge or experience needed to help you navigate your challenges effectively. A coach, on the other hand, brings specialized skills and a wealth of experience working with people in similar situations.
2. Bias and Emotional Entanglement: Friends and family members often have their own emotions and agendas tied to your decisions. They might worry about how your choices will affect them or offer advice based on their personal fears and experiences.
3. Sympathy vs. Solutions: While friends may empathize with your struggles, they might not offer actionable solutions. In contrast, a coach focuses on helping you develop strategies and achieve tangible results.
4. Accountability: A coach’s role is to hold you accountable for your goals. Friends and family members are less likely to consistently follow up or push you to stay on track.
5. Privacy and Professionalism: Some challenges require a level of confidentiality and impartiality that friends and family may not be able to provide. A coach offers a safe, judgment-free space to explore your goals and obstacles.
6. Accessible from anywhere: Life Coaches are available to meet with anyone, including both clients living in the United States and internationally. This provides flexibility beyond what a colleague or friend may provide. Whether you’re a couple traveling, a person who takes frequent business trips, or someone who relocates often, life coaching remains easily accessible—no matter where you are on the globe.

Is Life Coaching Right for You?

If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next step, you might benefit from working with a life coach. Whether you’re like Laura, searching for a career change; Ethan, learning to manage new challenges; or James, striving to grow your business, a coach can provide the guidance, tools, and accountability you need to move forward.

The decision to invest in a coach is deeply personal. It’s not about fixing something that’s broken; it’s about unlocking your potential and achieving goals that might otherwise feel out of reach. A coach helps you see the possibilities, create a plan, and stick to it—all while offering the kind of professional expertise and unbiased support that friends and family simply can’t.

So, the next time you find yourself asking, “Do I need a life coach?” consider the stories of Laura, Ethan, and James. Their journeys began with the same question and led to transformations that changed their lives. Maybe yours could, too.

Doomed from the Womb? The Truth About Attachment Theory and Love

Picture this: 

Case 1: “I’m fearful that my partner will leave me because I feel unworthy and unlovable. I constantly need reassurance that he still loves me.”

Case 2: “Sometimes I feel suffocated by being in a relationship. I like my independence, and having to make future decisions with someone else’s feelings in mind can be exhausting.”

Case 3: “My partner and I spend plenty of time together, but we also have our separate circles of friends. Since we currently live in separate cities due to his job and university, we check in a few times a day over text and meet up on the weekends for date nights. I’m hoping that once I graduate, I can move in with him.”

Most people would agree that the third scenario is what we all strive for in a relationship—a good balance of independence and intimacy. In contrast, the first two sound like textbook examples of individuals who might be encouraged to seek therapy to work through their anxiety and avoidance tendencies.

If you’ve ever heard of Attachment Theory, these three scenarios have perfectly reasonable explanations that stem from an individual’s early interactions with their primary caregiver.

In Case 1, inconsistent caregiving—sometimes responsive, sometimes not—encourages the child to be clingy, needy, and emotionally reactive, hoping their distress will elicit a response. This leads to an anxious attachment style, where an individual craves constant reassurance to feel secure in relationships.

In Case 2, a caregiver who consistently neglects the child’s needs drives the child to emotionally withdraw, learning that their caregiver is neither trustworthy or dependable. This results in an avoidant attachment style, where the individual becomes highly independent and uncomfortable with emotional closeness.

In Case 3, a caregiver who is consistently responsive and attentive teaches the child that their needs will be met, the world is a safe place, and people can be trusted. This fosters a secure attachment style, where an individual views relationships as reliable, safe, and fulfilling.

Attachment Theory looks pretty good on paper. It proposes that the attachment style you formed with your primary caregiver in infancy shapes how you approach relationships in adulthood.

But how much can we really blame our parents for our romantic struggles decades later?

It’s easy to point a finger at our parents—the people who were supposed to raise us with constant love, affection, and attention—when they fell short. But these explanations feel incomplete. Case in point: my parents were affectionate and provided stability in my childhood, yet I still overthink and second-guess my relationships in adulthood… So what gives?

What Attachment Theory fails to explain is why so many securely attached people still experience relationship anxiety, unease, and, yes—breakups. The theory often perpetuates the false notion that secure attachment equates to a perfectly smooth, “sunshine and rainbows” relationship—an idea that is both naive and unrealistic. In reality, uncertainty, anxiety, and conflict are common and natural in relationships, no matter how “secure” we may be.

Unfortunately (or fortunately?), many factors beyond our control—and beyond how our parents raised us—come into play when determining a relationship’s course and longevity.

For one, timing plays a major role. Beginning a relationship during a life transition automatically adds stress and uncertainty—even for those with secure attachment styles.

Moreover, secure attachment doesn’t guarantee perfect compatibility. Even securely attached individuals may initially choose a partner based on chemistry, only to later realize their values and long-term goals don’t align. Naturally, this can lead to doubt and relationship uncertainty.

Finally, love can be scary for everyone. Becoming close to someone, being vulnerable, and sharing the deepest parts of yourself always carries the risk of loss or heartbreak. The difference between securely and insecurely attached individuals lies in how they respond to these fears. Securely attached people tend to communicate openly, cope in constructive ways, and work through challenges rather than pushing their partner away or becoming overly clingy.

Maybe it’s time we shift the conversation. Instead of jumping to label ourselves with a certain attachment style—an easy “out” that can feel unchangeable—we should look inward. Evaluating who we choose, how we communicate, and what our values are can support both personal and relational growth.

Sources:

Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Beyond Romance: Embracing Platonic Love in February

With the month of February right around the corner, the ideas of romance, couples, and love take center stage. Some couples embrace it, showing their love for their partner through chocolates, roses, or romantic candle-lit dinners; others dread it, claiming the day to be a construct of Hallmark commercialism. For singles, the day can feel painful and lonely. Regardless of where you stand on the spectrum, there is something to celebrate for everyone this February. While relationships typically preoccupy people’s minds around the 14th, platonic relationships shouldn’t be brushed aside. The mainstream “Galentine’s Day” and newer variations such as “Malentine’s Day” and “Friendship Day” celebrate the positives of platonic relationships. 

The Importance of Platonic Relationships

Just like healthy, committed relationships can improve subjective well-being and physical health, strong friendships are equally impactful. 

• Female Friendships: Women have a tendency to establish very emotionally intimate relationships with their female friends, and for good reason. Studies have shown that emotional disclosure within female friendships is correlated with better stress resilience, increased self-esteem, lowered risk of chronic illness, and overall higher levels of satisfaction in life. Moreover, the “tend-and-befriend” stress response is unique to women and causes them to respond differently than men when faced with environmental stressors compared to men. Oxytocin is released alongside stress hormones, buffering the fight or flight response and encouraging bonding with and tending to others. Translating to friendship, bonding with other women has a calming effect and counteracts anxieties.

• Male Friendships: Like the unique role of women’s female friendships, male platonic relationships serve a distinct purpose in improving mental and physical health. Whereas women tend to engage in emotionally close connections with their female friends, men often engage in extended peer relationships, ranging from sports teams, to online gaming, fraternities, and clubs. Research has shown that these types of peer relationships–which require less investment and lowered perceived pressure– can offer several benefits akin to female friendships such as camaraderie and stress mitigation. By bonding through shared group activities, men gain a sense of belonging and combat loneliness, serving a purpose parallel to womens’ emotional disclosure in their friendships.

Finding Balance

Platonic friendships should be prioritized in any individual’s life given the distinctive benefits they offer. However, if you are in a committed relationship, it can be more difficult at times to delegate time between your partner and friends. Investing too much or too little in either one can damage your relationship with your partner or your friends’ support system.  

1. Plan ahead: Routine “girls nights” on a predictable basis can ensure you are getting the necessary fix of your female friendships despite a busy schedule. Likewise, if you are part of a sports team or group that meets regularly, prioritize attending weekly or monthly to foster your friendships.
   
2. Set boundaries: Everyone needs a break from their partner or socializing at certain points. If you feel yourself craving alone time or time away from your partner, don’t be afraid to vocalize it. Allowing yourself time to recharge will strengthen relationship quality in the long run. 
3. Encourage group hangouts: Bring your partner, their friends, and your friends all together, if possible. Combining social circles can be a great way to get the  aspects of platonic and romantic relationships in one place.

Taking Action

“Friendship Day” can take many forms and can be unique to your group’s interests. The most important thing is that you get to spend time with the people whose company you most enjoy. Envisioning the day ahead of time can ensure your group is available and that the plan follows through. 

• Potlucks and group dinners – Hosting a “Friendsgiving” style feast in Valentine’s Day fashion is a great way to merge traditions and bond over good food. 
• Game Nights or Trivia – Everyone loves a little competition. Invite your friends for a poker night, trivia challenge, or card games for quality time together. 
• Sports Celebrations – Camouflage “Friendship Day” as a sports-themed watch party. Whether it’s a classic Super Bowl party, an NBA watch night, or a pickup game of soccer outside, bonding with your friends over sports is a great way to nurture your friendships. 

Regardless of how you decide to celebrate V-day, whether you are in a committed relationship or you are single, prioritizing your friendships all year-long will do wonders for your physical and emotional wellbeing. Platonic friendships bring an unparalleled joy to life and are a key component of strong emotional resilience, high self-esteem, and sense of belonging. 

January Diet Culture

Ditch the January Diet Trap: Building Balanced Health Goals

The New Year brings the opportunity for change and a fresh start. Some of the most common resolutions include losing weight, exercising more, or eating healthier. While these goals can be constructive, they can also fall victim to fad diets, wasted money, disordered eating, and yo-yo dieting. Learn how to reverse the toxicity of January diet culture, align your internal and external goals, and shift your intention toward bettering your health rather than participating out of shame or self-loathing.

Diet Culture Pitfalls

Some of the most common pitfalls for individuals trying to lose weight are quick fixes and unrealistic expectations. It takes 3,000 calories—in addition to your normal maintenance diet—to gain or lose a pound of body weight. Buying into advertisements with statements such as “lose 10 pounds in a week” or “lose 20 pounds in a month” places extreme stress on a person’s body and is not sustainable long-term. Instead, focus on a gradual deficit and incorporate whole foods, protein, and healthful alternatives into your diet. Adding fiber and protein to your diet—such as lean meats, vegetables, fruits, and legumes—is a good way to shift your mindset from restriction to nourishment.

Shame is also often used as a motivator for dieting. Participating in a diet or workout regimen out of self-loathing can lead to a negative self-image, dissatisfaction, and giving up entirely. Finding a type of exercise your body enjoys or joining a group workout class can make exercise more pleasurable and social. Remind yourself that balance is key, and one night out or a few days on vacation will not “ruin” all your progress. Cherish life outside of food and dieting.

The Importance of the Gut Microbiome

Sometimes it’s helpful to understand the science behind fueling your body to shift your mindset. The gut microbiome—containing trillions of live bacteria in your intestines—has a profound impact on your brain, mood, and cognitive functioning. In fact, the precursors to neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, known as our body’s “feel-good” chemicals, are produced in the intestinal lining, making the microbiome a critical player in our mental health.

You can take direct action in looking after your mental well-being simply by shifting your diet. Research shows that a diet rich in fiber and fermented foods can restructure microbiome composition and increase microbial diversity, which is correlated with elevated mood and cognition. Sources of dietary fiber include fruits, vegetables, grains, and legumes. Fermented foods include sauerkraut, yogurt, kefir, kimchi, and kombucha.

Focusing on the “Why” Behind Your Goals

Your intention behind diet and exercise goals should take precedence over the number on the scale or closing the exercise “rings” on your smartwatch. Motive-goal congruence—a phenomenon that occurs when your implicit and explicit motives align—can help you succeed in your health and fitness goals long-term. The first step is to identify your internal motivators and then match them with your explicit goals. Here’s an example:

• You are motivated to feel more energized and build strength because it improves your self-esteem and overall well-being (intrinsic motivation). You then set the goal of strength training four times a week at the gym, celebrating the progress of getting stronger each week (extrinsic goal).

To help align your intrinsic motivations and explicit goals, ask yourself a few questions:

• For Intrinsic Questions: What will I gain emotionally, socially, or health-wise from improving my diet or engaging in consistent exercise?
  • Emotional: Feeling a sense of accomplishment after a workout, clearing your head through movement, or feeling pride in sticking to a healthful diet.
  • Social: Meeting new people in group fitness classes or bonding with a partner or family through shared meals and cooking.
  • Physical and mental well-being: Feeling less sluggish, becoming stronger, and improving focus and attention.
• For Explicit Questions: What measurable outcomes do I hope to achieve by participating in a new diet or workout regimine?
  • Aesthetic goals: Becoming more toned, building muscle, or losing a few pounds.
  • Metric-based goals: Hitting step counts, lifting a certain amount of weight, or running a specific distance.
  • Health-related goals: Lowering blood pressure, combating depression, or improving bone density.

When your implicit and explicit motivations align, you create sustainability and encourage holistic health.

Therapy as a Supportive Tool

Beyond dietary changes and movement, therapy can be another route of support. If you struggle with eating habits or exercise due to mood disturbances or stress, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be a helpful tool. CBT helps people identify the connections between their thoughts, feelings, and actions to disrupt cycles like bingeing or emotional eating. It can also encourage better coping mechanisms during stressful times, such as mindful movement and meditation.

Rethinking Your Relationship with Dieting and Seeking Support

Although dieting regimes and gym promotions are most prominent at the start of the New Year, reframing your relationship with food and exercise can encourage well-being year-round.

Focusing on holistic health, nourishing your body, and intentional movement can help foster a more balanced outlook and promote self-care. Moreover, aligning your intrinsic motivations with explicit goals helps encourage sustainable habits and a healthy mindset around food and exercise.

What to Say to Support Individuals Affected by Wildfires in Los Angeles

The wildfires in Los Angeles and nearby areas have uprooted lives, causing immense loss and uncertainty. If you know someone who has had to evacuate or lost their home, you might wonder what to say—or not say—to offer genuine support. Even a simple, heartfelt message like, “I’m here for you in any way you need,” can make a world of difference.

One evacuee shared that a friend’s small but specific offer—helping with laundry—brought both practical relief and emotional reassurance that they weren’t alone. It’s a reminder that thoughtful, empathetic communication is powerful. Here are some ways you can offer meaningful support:

What to Say to Show Support

Acknowledge and Validate Their Experience

• “I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I can only imagine how difficult this must be.”
• “However you’re feeling right now is okay. I’m here for you, no matter what.”

Offer Help in Specific Ways

• “What’s something I can take off your plate right now? Maybe errands or dropping off groceries?”
• “I’d love to help with something specific—would childcare or navigating insurance calls be helpful?”

Let Them Set the Pace

• “There’s no rush for anything. Take your time. I’m here whenever you’re ready.”

Thoughtful Text Messages

Texting can be a great way to check in without adding pressure to respond. Frame your messages to be supportive and open-ended:

Gentle Check-Ins

• “Thinking of you and sending love. No need to reply—just know I’m here.”
• “You’re on my mind. Let me know if you need anything at all.”

Offers of Help

• “I’m heading to the store today. Let me know if there’s anything I can grab for you—no need to text back.”
• “If you’d like, I can drop off some meals or supplies. Just tell me what works, whenever you’re ready.”

Reminders They’re Not Alone

• “You’re not alone in this. I’m here for you however you need, whenever you need.”
• “Sending you strength. You’ve got support—don’t hesitate to lean on me.”

What to Avoid

Sometimes, even well-meaning comments can unintentionally hurt. Here are things to steer clear of:

Minimizing Their Loss

Phrases like, “At least everyone’s safe,” or, “It could’ve been worse,” may come from a good place, but they can feel dismissive. Acknowledge their loss instead of focusing on silver linings.

Unsolicited Advice

Unless asked, avoid saying, “You should…” or, “Why don’t you…” People need space to process and find their own way forward.

Pressure to Stay Positive

Comments like, “Everything happens for a reason,” or, “You’ll come out of this stronger,” can feel invalidating. They may not be ready to find meaning in their loss, and that’s okay.

Small Acts Make a Big Difference

Sometimes the smallest gestures are the most impactful. Whether it’s dropping off a care package, helping them organize paperwork, or simply sitting with them in silence, your presence matters.

Supporting someone during such a difficult time isn’t about having all the right words—it’s about being there with compassion, without judgment, and without pressure.

We can’t undo the losses caused by wildfires, but we can make sure no one has to face them alone.

Postpartum Depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder

Baby Blues and Winter Blues: The Lesser Publicized Depression Subtypes

Major life events are a well-known trigger for depression in many individuals. The winter months can precipitate excessive sadness in some people because of the shorter days, less sunlight, and change in routine. Likewise, the arrival of a baby can bring about more than temporary mood disturbances in new mothers. Recognizing the risk factors for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and Postpartum Depression (PPD), as well as understanding their common symptoms and triggers can help individuals manage major seasonal and life transitions.

Key Points:

• Biological Risk Factors
• Symptoms and Ways to Manage
• Treatment and Prevention

Overview of SAD and PPD:

Seasonal Affective Disorder is the DSM-5 recognized name for a form of depression in which the onset corresponds with a specific change in season, most commonly in the winter. It affects 1.5% to 10% of the general population. Postpartum Depression is a subtype of Major Depression occurring in new mothers following pregnancy and childbirth. Although the lesser-severe “baby blues” can occur in up to 80% of new mothers, clinical PPD affects 10-15% of new mothers.

Biological Risk Factors:

Both SAD and PPD have biological and social risk factors which make it more likely for an individual to develop the condition.

• SAD Risk Factors: Genetic predisposition, where someone lives on the globe, Vitamin D levels, and sex contribute to SAD. Genetic factors such as a family history of SAD or mood disorders, can make an individual more likely to develop this type of depression. Those living farther from the equator have a higher prevalence of SAD likely due to the reduced sunlight and shorter days in winter. Likewise, low Vitamin D levels, typically obtained through sunlight, is linked to SAD. Women are approximately 1.5 times as likely to experience SAD. One explanation for this sex difference may be due to females’ fluctuating hormone levels that can exacerbate symptoms during the winter.
• PPD Risk Factors: Anxiety or depression during pregnancy, having a history of depression, excessive maternal stress, partner conflict, and lack of social support are the major risk factors for PPD. Uncontrollable influences, such as a baby who cries a lot or is born with a disability, also increase the risk of developing PPD.

Symptoms and Ways to Manage

In the DSM-5, both SAD and PPD are categorized as Major Depressive Disorders with either a “seasonal pattern” or “with peripartum onset.” SAD and PPD share many of the same symptoms. These often include feelings of sadness, loss of interest in daily activities, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, difficulty concentrating, and decreased energy levels. For SAD, sadness, changes in appetite, and low energy are the most commonly reported symptoms. For PPD, mood swings, anxiety, and sleep disturbances are common.

Treatment and Prevention

It is important to recognize that many of the risk factors for SAD and PPD are beyond one’s control and prevention is not always possible. Self compassion and acknowledging you are not to blame can make it easier to seek support and learn strategies to cope.

For Seasonal Affective Disorder:

• Light therapy – Research shows that 30-minute morning exposure to 10,000 lux artificial light can greatly improve SAD symptoms in the winter months. Light boxes can be purchased online, in a range of sizes, some compact enough to be placed on a desk or travel with.
• Antidepressant medications – Individuals with SAD struggle to regulate serotonin levels, a neurotransmitter involved in regulating mood. SSRIs such as Prozac and NDRIs such as Wellbutrin have been shown to be effective in treating SAD. Talking with your doctor about options for medications can be one option to improve depressed mood.
• Vitamin D Supplementation – Shoulder days and access to sunlight diminishes during the winter months, especially in Northern latitudes. Dietary supplemention of Vitamin D may alleviate SAD symptoms in individuals whose levels are low.

For Postpartum Depression:

• Psychotherapy and Support Groups – Individual therapy or support groups can be incredibly beneficial for mothers struggling with postpartum depression. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Interpersonal Therapy (IPT), and group therapy can create a support system for new mothers experiencing PPD and validate anxious and depressed feelings.
• Antidepressant Medications – SSRIs and SNRIs are options for new mothers struggling with PPD. It is important to talk with your doctor if breast feeding to ensure the safest options and minimize potential risks to the infant. However, many of these medications have low-risk profiles for mothers in need.
• Self-care – Sleep and routine are often the first things to go when a baby arrives. Although not always feasible, engaging in activities that relax you, leaning on your partner, family, and friends to support childcare, and finding time to rest when possible can make a big difference and improve PPD symptoms.

Recognizing onset and duration

Lifestyle and seasonal changes are inevitable. Understanding risk factors and taking precautionary measures can help individuals susceptible to SAD or PPD lessen the severity of these conditions.

New Year Resolutions: science-backed tools to help them stick

New Year’s resolutions are the quintessential opportunity for fresh starts, healthier habits, and purposeful lifestyle changes. For many of us, the beginning of a new calendar year feels like an ideal time to set goals and work towards self improvement. However, this opportunity can quickly turn into a chore. Setting and sticking to New Year’s resolutions should not be stressful or feel like yet another box to check off. Learn how to set SMART goals, how to establish lasting habits, and how to stay committed to your goals through all of 2025.

Outlining your Resolutions

SMART goals lay the framework for creating clear, deliberate goals.This acronym stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Reasonable, and Time-bound, and can be tailored to New Year’s resolutions in the following ways:

• Specific – Your goals should have a well-defined “why.” First, Identify the reasons you would like to set your New Year’s resolutions. For example, if your resolution is to exercise more in 2025, some questions you may consider asking yourself may be: What type(s) of exercise do I plan to do? Why do I want to move more? What aspect of myself do I want to improve – is it my cardiovascular fitness, to feel more confident, to get toned? Identifying the rationale behind your resolutions can help you stay committed.
• Measurable – Measurability means there are objective benchmarks defined within the goal. For instance, how many days do you aim to exercise per week, and for how long each day? Is there a minimum number of minutes or step count you want to reach each day? These objective benchmarks will help keep you on track and measure progress.
• Achievable – Set challenging, yet attainable goals for yourself. If you have never ran a mile before this year, planning to run a marathon by Spring may not be the most feasible goal. Instead, aim to increase your mileage gradually to make your goals within-reach for the near future.
• Reasonable – Reasonability means you are setting yourself up for success. Part of goal-setting is being honest with yourself and your current capabilities. Start modestly and modify your goals based on your accomplishments.
• Time-bound – Time-bound refers to the milestones you set for yourself for a given time period. In a set amount of time – 1 month, 3 months, 6 months– where would you like yourself to be? A designated time-frame allows you to set both short and long-term goals throughout the year.

Time to practice

Here are some common New Year’s resolutions and ways to make them more well-defined using the SMART goals framework.

1. “I want a digital detox” → I will put my phone away 1 hour before bed and put a 1 hour time limit on my most-used apps. By April, I want to reduce my screen time down to 2 hours each day.
2. “I want to work out more” → I will go to the gym for 45 minutes in the morning and take a 30-minute walk after dinner each night. By February, I want to be able to run 4 miles without stopping.
3. “I want to be better about finances” → I want to put $3,000 into savings for traveling next year. I will put $250 into savings each month for the next 12 months.

Establishing Habits

The neuroscience literature points to the fact that it takes on average 66 days to form a habit, however depending on the individual this range is variable. For most New Year’s resolutions–specifically ones that involve changing behavior–the key to sticking to them means reaching context-independence. Context-independence means you can perform the habit even when circumstances change, such as feeling extra tired, lacking motivation, or having a disruption in your usual routine. Considering it takes around two months to build and consolidate habits, it is important to have some neuroscience-backed strategies to help stick to them, especially in the early weeks.

1. Task Bracketing: Our neural networks are designed to anticipate both the initiation of an action and the conclusion of that same action. Using this to your advantage, you can bias both your brain and behavior towards habit formation. Learn to positively anticipate the start of your new habit. For exercising, you could set out your athletic clothes and shoes the night before and visualize waking up energized for your workout. In the morning, you can pair something you enjoy – a morning cup of coffee or some upbeat music – with the initiation of the new habit of going to the gym. Afterward, you can wind down with stretches and reflect on your accomplishment or make your favorite post-workout meal. This reinforces not only the habit itself, but creates a positive association with both the start and end of the task, increasing the likelihood of sustaining it.
2. Phasing the habit: Be intentional about when you perform your new habit during the day. In the morning, our brain and body are better equipped to complete challenging and physically straining tasks, while the later hours of the day are best for reactive or relaxing tasks.
   • Morning: For tasks that require more energy, focus, or concentration, consider performing them in the morning. This is when our norepinephrine and cortisol levels are highest, meaning we have greater levels of attention, alertness, and arousal.
   • Afternoon and Evening: After being awake for several hours, our energy levels tend to drop. This is an optimal time for calming or relaxation-based habits such as meditation, yoga, journaling, or art. Because your “motivation” chemicals drop as the day goes on, afternoon and evening activities should be less mentally-taxing and one’s you already enjoy.

Start Small and Celebrate Progress

If your ultimate resolution seems daunting or far-off, having short term goals can help keep you on track. Starting small and rewarding progress can reinforce the resolution. For example, if your goal is to eat healthier, opt for home-cooked meals instead of eating out. Gradually focus on introducing healthy foods you enjoy eating. This could be adding veggies to your morning omelet or swapping sugary yogurt for Greek yogurt and honey.

Take note of how you feel when completing these new habits. You may notice more energy, improved strength, or feel calmer when implementing these new practices into your regular routine which can help you stay committed.

Sticking with It

New Year’s resolutions are an opportunity to set your future self on a path to success. Outlining SMART goals is the first step, while neuroscience-backed strategies such as task-bracketing and time-phasing can help reinforce the new habits. Don’t forget to celebrate short-term accomplishments along the way as you keep moving forward toward achieving your goals in 2025.

Career Transitions with a Life Coach: From Uncertainty to Opportunity

You’re sitting at your desk, feeling a nagging sense that something’s off. The work that once excited you no longer brings the same fulfillment. You’re not alone—this moment of reflection is the beginning of many career transitions, a crossroad where professionals question their next move. It’s a mix of excitement and uncertainty, but it’s also the perfect opportunity to realign your career with something that truly resonates with your values and passions. Career transitions, whether planned or unexpected, offer a chance to redefine your path and pursue work that feels more meaningful.

Career transitions can come in many forms:

• Switching industries.
• Advancing within a field.
• Starting a new business.
• Even stepping away from traditional roles to pursue passion projects.

Each shift comes with its own set of challenges and opportunities. However, before embarking on a career change, it’s important to reflect on why you’re seeking this transition in the first place.

Ask yourself:

• Are you craving more fulfillment or balance?
• Do you want to increase your earning potential or explore a new passion?
• Is your current job aligned with your values and long-term goals?

Understanding your motivations will help you set realistic goals and craft a transition plan that leads to lasting satisfaction.

Steps to Navigating Career Transitions

1. Assess Your Current Skill Set Before making any career move, take stock of your skills and professional experiences. Identify which skills are transferable to your new career or industry, and recognize the areas where additional development may be needed. Consider acquiring certifications, online courses, or training to strengthen your candidacy in your desired field.
2. Network Strategically Networking is invaluable during career transitions. Connecting with professionals in your desired industry provides insight into company cultures, job market trends, and emerging opportunities. Reach out to peers, mentors, or industry leaders, and take the time to understand the environment you’re about to enter.
3. Find Job Satisfaction While monetary rewards are important, true job satisfaction comes from feeling fulfilled, purposeful, and aligned with your values. Achieving job satisfaction during a career transition requires introspection and a clear sense of direction.

Strategies for Finding Job Satisfaction

• Identify Your Values: Reflect on what matters most to you in your work life—creativity, collaboration, independence, or work-life balance. Choose roles that align with your values to create a more profound sense of purpose and long-term satisfaction.
• Seek Guidance: Career changes can be daunting, and seeking external guidance can make all the difference. At GroupTherapyLA (GTLA), we offer life coaching services designed to support professionals through these transitions. Our life coaches help individuals clarify their career goals, create personalized action plans, and build the confidence and mindset needed to succeed. This professional support can ensure that you make informed decisions and stay motivated through the process.
• Continue Learning: Staying informed about industry trends and emerging technologies keeps you adaptable and open to new opportunities. Embrace continuous learning to future-proof your skills and maintain your competitive edge in the job market.

Pursuing Meaningful Work with Confidence

Navigating a career transition is a deeply personal journey that requires thought, planning, and reflection. By utilizing the resources around you, including professional life coaching, you can confidently manage your transition, align your career with your core values, and find fulfillment in meaningful work.

At GTLA, our life coaches support you every step of the way. Whether you’re looking to shift industries, pursue a passion, or improve your work-life balance, we provide tailored strategies to help you achieve lasting job satisfaction. Meaningful work is more than a paycheck—it’s about finding purpose, growth, and a sense of pride in what you do.

Echoism: The Silent Struggle of Self-Suppression in Relationships

Imagine this: Sarah, a dedicated employee and loyal friend, starts her mornings answering work emails even before breakfast. When a colleague asks for help with a project, she immediately agrees, despite her looming deadlines. At home, she avoids expressing her opinions in conversations with her partner, fearing she might upset them. She never asks for help or asserts her needs, worried that it might make her seem selfish or burdensome. Sarah doesn’t realize it, but she’s displaying traits of echoism, a hidden personality trait that deeply impacts her life, relationships, and self-perception. Like Sarah, many people unknowingly live in a pattern of self-suppression, mistaking their selflessness for virtue when it could be a sign of echoism.

What is Echoism?

Echoism derives its name from the myth of Echo, the nymph cursed by Hera to only repeat the words of others. Psychologically, echoists are individuals who fear being a burden, avoid drawing attention to themselves, and often minimize their own needs and desires. This tendency exists on the opposite end of the spectrum of narcissism. If narcissists crave attention, echoists are terrified of it. If narcissists crave the spotlight, echoists are afraid of standing in it. Often described as “people pleasers,” echoists are always putting others first and minimizing their own value.

In recent years, the concept of echoism has gained attention through the research of Dr. Craig Malkin, who describes it as the opposite end of the narcissism spectrum. While narcissists crave attention and affirmation, echoists fear it. They are often uncomfortable with being noticed and tend to minimize their own needs and desires (Malkin, 2015). Echoism often develops as a result of childhood trauma or emotional neglect, where expressing needs or taking up space was discouraged. Studies have shown that individuals who grow up with emotionally unavailable or critical parents may learn that it is safer to suppress their emotions and avoid drawing attention to themselves (Barrett, 2017). This pattern of self-suppression is often a survival strategy learned early in life, with echoists continuing to avoid conflict or attention in adulthood.

In recent years, the concept of echoism has gained attention through the research of Dr. Craig Malkin, who describes it as the opposite end of the narcissism spectrum. While narcissists crave attention and affirmation, echoists fear it. They are often uncomfortable with being noticed and tend to minimize their own needs and desires (Malkin, 2015). Echoism often develops as a result of childhood trauma or emotional neglect, where expressing needs or taking up space was discouraged. Studies have shown that individuals who grow up with emotionally unavailable or critical parents may learn that it is safer to suppress their emotions and avoid drawing attention to themselves (Barrett, 2017). This pattern of self-suppression is often a survival strategy learned early in life, with echoists continuing to avoid conflict or attention in adulthood.

Why Echoism Develops

Echoism is usually the result of early experiences where expressing needs or taking up space was discouraged or punished. Research suggests that if a child grows up with parents who are emotionally unavailable, overly critical, or narcissistic, they may learn that it’s safer to be invisible.

When emotions and needs are constantly invalidated, people may develop echoism as a survival strategy. Echoism can also develop in response to trauma. In an environment where attention brings criticism or harm, people learn to make themselves small to avoid drawing negative attention. As adults, echoists continue suppressing their needs to avoid conflict or disappointment.

The Hidden Costs of Echoism

While echoists may be praised for their selflessness, the toll it takes is immense. Suppressing needs can lead to feelings of chronic loneliness, resentment, and even depression. In relationships, echoists often feel unfulfilled, as their emotional needs are rarely met.
There is also a hidden cost: the loss of self. Echoists become so accustomed to focusing on others that they forget who they are. Over time, they may struggle to even identify their likes, dislikes, goals, or values. Life becomes about maintaining the peace or fulfilling the needs of others, leading to a deep sense of emptiness.

How to Break Free from Echoism

Recognizing echoism is the first step toward healing. If any of these signs resonate with you, it’s crucial to start rebuilding your sense of self. Here are some steps to take:

• Practice Self-Compassion: Echoists often have an inner critic constantly telling them they’re not enough. Challenge this voice by practicing self-compassion. Remind yourself that your needs are valid.
• Set Boundaries: Boundaries are essential in reclaiming your sense of self. Start by setting small boundaries—whether it’s saying “no” to a favor you don’t have time for or expressing your opinion in a group conversation.
• Seek Therapy: Therapy can help echoists uncover the roots of their behavior and rebuild their self-worth. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or trauma-focused therapy can be particularly helpful in breaking out of these deeply ingrained patterns.
• Rediscover Your Voice: Echoists often lose sight of their desires. Journaling, art, or even solo travel can be powerful ways to reconnect with who you are and what you want.
  Surround Yourself with Support: Find relationships where your voice is heard and your needs are respected. Healthy relationships are reciprocal, where both partners give and receive.

Why Echoism Develops

Echoism is usually the result of early experiences where expressing needs or taking up space was discouraged or punished. Research suggests that if a child grows up with parents who are emotionally unavailable, overly critical, or narcissistic, they may learn that it’s safer to be invisible.

When emotions and needs are constantly invalidated, people may develop echoism as a survival strategy. Echoism can also develop in response to trauma. In an environment where attention brings criticism or harm, people learn to make themselves small to avoid drawing negative attention. As adults, echoists continue suppressing their needs to avoid conflict or disappointment.

The Hidden Costs of Echoism

While echoists may be praised for their selflessness, the toll it takes is immense. Suppressing needs can lead to feelings of chronic loneliness, resentment, and even depression. In relationships, echoists often feel unfulfilled, as their emotional needs are rarely met.

There is also a hidden cost: the loss of self. Echoists become so accustomed to focusing on others that they forget who they are. Over time, they may struggle to even identify their likes, dislikes, goals, or values. Life becomes about maintaining the peace or fulfilling the needs of others, leading to a deep sense of emptiness.

How to Break Free from Echoism

Recognizing echoism is the first step toward healing. If any of these signs resonate with you, it’s crucial to start rebuilding your sense of self. Here are some steps to take:

• Practice Self-Compassion: Echoists often have an inner critic constantly telling them they’re not enough. Challenge this voice by practicing self-compassion. Remind yourself that your needs are valid.
• Set Boundaries: Boundaries are essential in reclaiming your sense of self. Start by setting small boundaries—whether it’s saying “no” to a favor you don’t have time for or expressing your opinion in a group conversation.
• Seek Therapy: Therapy can help echoists uncover the roots of their behavior and rebuild their self-worth. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or trauma-focused therapy can be particularly helpful in breaking out of these deeply ingrained patterns.
• Rediscover Your Voice: Echoists often lose sight of their desires. Journaling, art, or even solo travel can be powerful ways to reconnect with who you are and what you want.
  Surround Yourself with Support: Find relationships where your voice is heard and your needs are respected. Healthy relationships are reciprocal, where both partners give and receive.

Understanding Different Types of Therapy: Insights and Applications

What type of therapy/coaching is right for me?

With over 40% of adults in the U.S. reporting symptoms of anxiety or depression, the demand for tailored mental health treatments has never been higher. In this evolving landscape, the variety of available therapies offers individuals an unprecedented opportunity to personalize their mental health journey. Understanding these options, from traditional methods to cutting-edge techniques, can be the key to unlocking a path to well-being that is as unique as you are.

The Power of Personalization in Therapy

Personalization is increasingly recognized as a critical factor in the success of therapy. Recent research emphasizes that the effectiveness of a therapeutic approach often depends on how well it aligns with an individual’s specific needs, goals, and preferences. Let’s explore some of the most effective therapies available today, supported by the latest findings and case studies that demonstrate their impact.

1. Individual Therapy: A Deep Dive into Personal Healing

Definition: Individual therapy involves one-on-one sessions with a therapist, providing a confidential space to explore thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Benefits: Ideal for addressing deeply personal issues, individual therapy helps clients develop coping strategies, work through trauma, and manage mental health conditions. The privacy and focus of this approach foster a deep exploration of emotional and psychological landscapes.

Latest Insight: A 2023 study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that individual therapy can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression by 40% in just 12 weeks. The study highlights the importance of a tailored approach in achieving these significant improvements.

2. Group Therapy: Healing Through Shared Experiences

Definition: Group therapy involves one or more therapists working with a group of clients who share similar issues, creating a supportive environment for sharing experiences and learning from each other.

Benefits: This form of therapy is particularly effective for those dealing with social anxiety, addiction, and chronic conditions. It offers a sense of community and multiple perspectives, which can be incredibly validating and healing.

Latest Insight: A 2022 meta-analysis in Group Dynamics found that participants with social anxiety experienced a 30% improvement in social functioning after eight weeks of group therapy, underscoring the power of community in healing.

3. Life Coaching: Unlocking Potential and Personal Growth

Definition: Life coaching focuses on helping clients achieve personal and professional goals through guidance and support, without delving into trauma or deep psychological issues.

Benefits: Life coaching is ideal for those seeking to enhance motivation, set and achieve goals, and pursue personal growth. This forward-thinking approach is centered on building a better future rather than addressing past traumas.

New Perspective: Life coaching is increasingly incorporating principles from positive psychology, which has been shown to boost well-being and life satisfaction. This blend of approaches offers a holistic way to enhance quality of life.

4. EMDR: Rewiring the Brain for Trauma Recovery

Definition: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a structured therapy that helps individuals process and recover from traumatic experiences through bilateral stimulation.

Benefits: EMDR is especially effective for those suffering from PTSD and other trauma-related conditions. By targeting and reprocessing traumatic memories, it offers a direct path to reducing emotional distress.

Latest Insight: A 2021 randomized controlled trial in the Journal of Traumatic Stress reported that 90% of participants experienced a 50% reduction in PTSD symptoms after just six sessions of EMDR, highlighting its effectiveness.

5. Biofeedback: Harnessing the Power of the Mind-Body Connection

Definition: Biofeedback uses electronic monitoring to help clients gain awareness and control over physiological functions, such as heart rate, muscle tension, and breathing.

Benefits: This technique is particularly useful for managing stress, anxiety, chronic pain, and conditions with physical manifestations. By gaining control over physiological responses, clients can significantly improve their overall well-being.

Latest Insight: A 2022 study in Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback found that patients using biofeedback experienced a 35% reduction in chronic pain symptoms after ten sessions, showcasing its potential for managing physical health through psychological means.

Expanding the Therapeutic Toolbox: Emerging Trends

Digital and Virtual Therapies

With the rise of technology, digital therapy platforms and virtual reality (VR) therapy are becoming increasingly popular. These innovative approaches provide accessible options for those who may not be able to attend in-person sessions or who prefer the convenience of remote therapy. VR therapy, for example, is being used to treat phobias and PTSD by immersing patients in controlled environments that help them confront and process their fears.

Culturally Sensitive Therapy

As our society becomes more diverse, culturally sensitive therapy practices are gaining importance. Therapists are increasingly adapting their approaches to meet the needs of clients from various cultural, racial, and ethnic backgrounds, as well as different gender identities and sexual orientations. This sensitivity ensures that therapy is relevant and respectful, which can enhance its effectiveness.

Personalizing Therapy: A Case Study Approach

Case Study: Sarah’s Journey to Wellness

Sarah, a 35-year-old woman, faced a complex array of challenges, including severe anxiety, PTSD from a past traumatic event, chronic pain due to fibromyalgia, and feelings of isolation. Her treatment plan was equally complex, involving a combination of therapies tailored to her unique needs:

• Individual Therapy: Sarah engaged in weekly sessions that helped her uncover the roots of her anxiety and PTSD, offering a safe space to address her deepest concerns. Over time, she developed coping strategies that helped her navigate daily life with more ease.
• Group Therapy: Joining a group for chronic pain and PTSD, Sarah found solace in shared experiences. The support and different perspectives she gained significantly reduced her feelings of isolation and provided new ways to manage her conditions.
• Life Coaching: With the guidance of a life coach, Sarah set achievable goals and found renewed motivation in her daily life. By focusing on her strengths and future possibilities, she was able to build a more structured and fulfilling life.
• EMDR: To address her PTSD directly, Sarah underwent EMDR therapy. The structured process of bilateral stimulation helped her reprocess traumatic memories, leading to a significant reduction in her PTSD symptoms.
• Biofeedback: Incorporating biofeedback into her regimen, Sarah learned to manage her chronic pain and anxiety by gaining control over her physiological responses. This helped her alleviate physical symptoms and improved her overall well-being.

Choosing the Right Therapy: Tips for Personalization

• Assess Your Goals: Reflect on what you hope to achieve through therapy. Are you managing a mental health condition, recovering from trauma, or seeking personal growth?
• Consider Your Preferences: Decide whether you prefer the intimacy of individual sessions, the shared experience of group therapy, or alternative methods like EMDR or biofeedback.
• Consult with Professionals: Speaking with a mental health professional can provide valuable insights into which therapies align best with your needs. They can help you navigate your options and tailor a plan that works for you.
• Evaluate Practical Factors: Consider the availability, cost, and expertise of therapists in your area. Ensure that the therapy type and therapist you choose align with your logistical needs.

Conclusion: Crafting Your Path to Mental Wellness

Your journey to mental wellness is deeply personal. By understanding the diverse therapeutic options available and considering your unique needs, you can take confident steps toward a healthier, more fulfilling life. Whether you’re healing from past traumas, managing ongoing conditions, or unlocking your potential, the right therapy can be a powerful ally in your journey.

Call to Action: Take the Next Step

If you’re considering therapy, take the first step by consulting with a mental health professional. They can help you assess your needs and guide you in choosing the therapy that’s right for you. Remember, the path to well-being is a journey, and finding the right support can make all the difference.

References

• American Psychological Association (APA). “Different approaches to psychotherapy.” APA.
• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). “Psychotherapies.” NIMH.
• World Health Organization (WHO). “Mental health: strengthening our response.” WHO.
• Journal of Clinical Psychology. “Effectiveness of Individual Therapy.” 2023.
• Group Dynamics. “Group Therapy for Social Anxiety and Addiction.” 2022.
• Journal of Traumatic Stress. “EMDR and PTSD Symptom Reduction.” 2021.
• Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback. “Biofeedback for Chronic Pain Management.” 2022.

Assessing Relationship Compatibility: The 80-20 Rule

Finding a partner who aligns with your values and goals can be challenging. While no relationship is perfect, understanding what truly matters to you and assessing your compatibility with your partner can lead to a more fulfilling and harmonious partnership. Enter the “80-20 Rule,” a practical framework designed to help individuals evaluate the suitability of their partners by focusing on the qualities that matter most.

The 80-20 Rule is not about finding a perfect match but about recognizing the essential traits that create a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. By identifying and prioritizing these qualities, you can gain clarity on what makes your relationship strong and where there may be room for growth. This approach encourages a realistic view of relationships, acknowledging that some differences are natural and can be opportunities for mutual understanding and personal growth.

The 80-20 Rule Explained

The 80-20 Rule involves identifying and ranking the essential qualities that matter most in a partner. By assigning point values to each quality, individuals can measure how closely their partners align with their expectations. An 80 percent alignment is the benchmark for compatibility, providing a clear indication of a strong foundation.

Identifying Your Core Values with ACT

Before applying the 80-20 Rule, it’s crucial to understand what values are most important to you in a relationship. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) provides a powerful framework for identifying these values. Here’s how you can use an ACT values worksheet to guide your reflection:

Step 1: Explore Different Life Domains

Consider different areas of your life and how values play a significant role in each. Reflect on the following domains:

• Family and Relationships: What qualities do you value most in your family and friendships? Consider values like loyalty, trust, and support.
• Career and Work: What drives your professional life and ambitions? Think about values such as achievement, creativity, and collaboration.
• Personal Growth: How important are learning, creativity, and self-improvement to you? Values here might include curiosity, resilience, and growth.
• Health and Well-being: What matters most regarding your physical and mental health? Consider values like balance, self-care, and vitality.
• Community and Environment: How important are community involvement and environmental responsibility to you? Reflect on values such as service, sustainability, and justice.

Step 2: Identify Core Values

For each life domain, list specific values that resonate with you. Here is a comprehensive list of ACT values you might consider:

• Acceptance: Embracing yourself and others without judgment.
• Accountability: Taking responsibility for your actions and decisions.
• Adventure: Seeking new experiences and challenges.
• Authenticity: Being true to yourself and your beliefs.
• Balance: Maintaining a healthy equilibrium between work, relationships, and personal time.
• Compassion: Showing kindness and empathy toward others.
• Courage: Facing fears and challenges with bravery.
• Creativity: Expressing yourself through artistic or innovative endeavors.
• Curiosity: Having a desire to learn and explore.
• Dependability: Being reliable and trustworthy.
• Empathy: Understanding and being sensitive to others’ feelings.
• Family: Prioritizing and valuing family connections.
• Flexibility: Being open to change and adapting to new situations.
• Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and resentments.
• Freedom: Valuing independence and autonomy.
• Friendship: Cultivating meaningful relationships with others.
• Generosity: Being willing to give and share with others.
• Gratitude: Appreciating what you have and expressing thankfulness.
• Health: Prioritizing physical and mental well-being.
• Honesty: Being truthful and transparent in all interactions.
• Humility: Recognizing your limitations and valuing others’ contributions.
• Independence: Having autonomy and freedom to make your own choices.
• Integrity: Acting according to your moral and ethical principles.
• Intimacy: Connecting deeply with others emotionally and physically.
• Justice: Valuing fairness and equality for all.
• Kindness: Treating others with compassion and respect.
• Learning: Continuously seeking knowledge and personal growth.
• Loyalty: Being faithful and committed to people and principles.
• Mindfulness: Being present and aware of your thoughts and feelings.
• Patience: Being tolerant and understanding, especially in challenging situations.
• Perseverance: Persisting in the face of adversity and challenges.
• Respect: Valuing others’ opinions and boundaries.
• Responsibility: Being accountable for your actions and decisions.
• Self-Care: Prioritizing your own well-being and health.
• Service: Contributing to the welfare of others and the community.
• Spirituality: Connecting with something greater than yourself.
• Trust: Building and maintaining trust with others.
• Wisdom: Applying knowledge and experience to make sound decisions.

Use the ACT worksheet to brainstorm and write down values that are meaningful to you.

Step 3: Prioritize Your Values

Once you have identified your values, prioritize them based on their importance to you. Determine which values are non-negotiable in a relationship and which are flexible. This step helps you focus on what truly matters and sets the stage for evaluating your partner.

Step 4: Reflect on Your Relationship

Consider how these values manifest in your current relationship. Which values are already being met, and which ones need more attention? This reflection will provide a clearer picture of your relationship’s strengths and areas for growth.

Applying the 80-20 Rule: A Case Study

Let’s explore how one client, whom we’ll call Amanda, applied the 80-20 Rule to assess her husband, Scott. Amanda identified specific attributes that were important to her and assigned point values to each. The total potential score is 100 points, allowing for a straightforward evaluation. Here’s how Amanda scored Scott:

1. Communication (10 points): Scott expresses himself openly, listens actively, and engages in meaningful conversations.
   • Score: 9/10
2. Trust (15 points): Scott consistently demonstrates honesty and integrity.
   • Score: 13/15
3. Shared Values (12 points): Amanda and Scott closely align on essential aspects like family, career, and life goals.
   • Score: 12/12
4. Respect (8 points): Scott respects Amanda’s opinions but doesn’t always fully respect her boundaries.
   • Score: 4/8
5. Compatibility (10 points): Amanda and Scott share interests and lifestyle choices.
   • Score: 10/10
6. Empathy (10 points): Scott demonstrates moderate empathy.
   • Score: 6/10
7. Commitment (15 points): Scott is fully dedicated to the relationship and somewhat dedicated to relationship development.
   • Score: 13/15
8. Intimacy (10 points): Scott is generous with physical touch, which is crucial for Amanda, but he avoids sex.
   • Score: 6/10
9. Financial Stability (5 points): Scott contributes financially and is the primary earner.
   • Score: 5/5
10. Independence (5 points): Scott respects Amanda’s need for independence, though he can be a bit needy when she is busy.
    • Score: 3/5

• Total Score: 81/100

Understanding the 80-20 Benchmark

The 80-20 Rule suggests that a partner scoring 80 points or more indicates a solid foundation for a relationship. The remaining 20% represents differences and serves as a reminder that perfection is unrealistic. Recognizing that not every quality will be a perfect match allows individuals to approach the 20% gap with realism and openness. It’s normal to have aspects that don’t align, making communication and collaboration essential for addressing concerns and fostering mutual understanding.

What If a Partner Scores Below 80?

If a partner scores less than 80 points, it’s time to consider the implications and potentially reassess the relationship. While no relationship is perfect, a score below 80 suggests that the foundational aspects crucial for a healthy and fulfilling partnership may be lacking. This can be a prompt for reflection, open dialogue, and potential change.

Conclusion

The 80-20 Rule offers a practical framework for those seeking clarity in their relationships. By considering essential qualities and assigning point values, individuals can gain a nuanced understanding of their compatibility. Embracing imperfections, communicating openly, and working collaboratively to address differences contribute to a thriving and resilient relationship. Remember, the 80% alignment is a solid foundation, and the 20% disparity is an opportunity for growth and understanding.

Reference

For more information on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and its approach to values, see:

• Harris, R. (2009). ACT Made Simple: An Easy-to-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New Harbinger Publications.
• Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.

Embrace Your Inner Warrior 🌟

We believe in the power of turning inward and facing our emotions head-on. Jeff Foster’s poem, “The Way of the Warrior,” beautifully captures this journey. It’s a testament to the strength found in embracing fear, shame, sadness, anxiety, anger, and loneliness.

In our therapeutic work, we aim to help you listen to these emotions, honor them, and transform them into powerful allies. Just as the warrior in the poem finds courage and strength within, you too can become unshakeable by acknowledging and integrating all parts of yourself.

Let this poem inspire you to walk your path with courage, speak your truth, and find the light within your wounds. 🌿💪

The Way of the Warrior

Once, I ran from fear
so fear controlled me.
Until I learned to hold fear like a newborn.
Listen to it, but not give in.
Honour it, but not worship it.
Fear could not stop me anymore.
I walked with courage into the storm.
I still have fear,
but it does not have me.

Once, I was ashamed of who I was.
I invited shame into my heart.
I let it burn.
It told me, “I am only trying
to protect your vulnerability”.
I thanked shame dearly,
and stepped into life anyway,
unashamed, with shame as a lover.

Once, I had great sadness
buried deep inside.
I invited it to come out and play.
I wept oceans. My tear ducts ran dry.
And I found joy right there.
Right at the core of my sorrow.
It was heartbreak that taught me how to love.

Once, I had anxiety.
A mind that wouldn’t stop.
Thoughts that wouldn’t be silent.
So I stopped trying to silence them.
And I dropped out of the mind,
and into the Earth.
Into the mud.
Where I was held strong
like a tree, unshakeable, safe.

Once, anger burned in the depths.
I called anger into the light of myself.
I felt its shocking power.
I let my heart pound and my blood boil.
Listened to it, finally.
And it screamed, “Respect yourself fiercely now!”.
“Speak your truth with passion!”.
“Say no when you mean no!”.
“Walk your path with courage!”.
“Let no one speak for you!”
Anger became an honest friend.
A truthful guide.
A beautiful wild child.

Once, loneliness cut deep.
I tried to distract and numb myself.
Ran to people and places and things.
Even pretended I was “happy”.
But soon I could not run anymore.
And I tumbled into the heart of loneliness.
And I died and was reborn
into an exquisite solitude and stillness.
That connected me to all things.
So I was not lonely, but alone with All Life.
My heart One with all other hearts.

Once, I ran from difficult feelings.
Now, they are my advisors, confidants, friends,
and they all have a home in me,
and they all belong and have dignity.
I am sensitive, soft, fragile,
my arms wrapped around all my inner children.
And in my sensitivity, power.
In my fragility, an unshakeable Presence.

In the depths of my wounds,
in what I had named “darkness”,
I found a blazing Light
that guides me now in battle.

I became a warrior
when I turned towards myself.

And started listening.

– Jeff Foster

The Most Effective Treatment for the Most Common Mental Health Issues

Understanding how different therapies can be used to treat various disorders is the first step in getting the help you or a loved one needs. Below I will discuss Depression, Trauma/PTSD and Panic Attacks/Panic Disorder, while diving into which therapies are most recommended for these diagnoses.

Depression

Depression is a mental health disorder characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness and loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyable to a person. It can affect how one thinks, feels and handles everyday activities. Depression is more than just temporarily feeling down; It is a serious medical condition that when left untreated can severely impact one’s life. Treatment often involves a combination of medication, psychotherapy, and lifestyle changes.

Therapy

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy is used to help individuals identify negative thought patterns that contribute to their depression. It also helps them develop coping strategies and problem-solving skills.
• Interpersonal Therapy: Interpersonal therapy dives into improving social skills and relationships to aid in alleviating depression symptoms.
• Psychodynamic Therapy: Psychodynamic therapy focuses on past experiences and how unconscious thoughts might influence current emotions and/or behaviors.

Medications

• Antidepressants: There are many types of antidepressants including SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors), SNRIs (Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors), tricyclic antidepressants, and others. These medications adjust the neurotransmitters in the brain, therefore alleviating symptoms of depression. Since there are so many medications on the market for depression it is crucial to work with a psychiatrist or doctor to figure out the right medication and dose for you.

Trauma/PTSD

Trauma and PTSD are closely related and both refer to highly stressful situations or traumatic events. Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope. These often include natural disasters, sexual assault, war, serious incidents, witnessing violence or death and sudden loss of loved ones. PTSD is a psychiatric disorder that often forms after witnessing a traumatic event. Not everyone who experiences a traumatic event develops PTSD. For PTSD or severe traumatic events treatment often includes medication or therapy and sometimes even a combination of both.

Therapy

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy focused on challenging negative thought patterns related to trauma. It can sometimes involve exposure therapy, but often used techniques like cognitive restructuring to change irrational thoughts.
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR focuses on traumatic memories while using bilateral simulation like eye movements, taps and sounds to help digest and reframe those memories.
• Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PE): Prolonged Exposure Therapy helps individuals comfort their fears by talking about trauma related memories, feelings and citations that have been avoided by the individual.

Medications

• Antidepressants: SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) and SNRIs (Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors) are prescribed to help alleviate symptoms of PTSD, such as depression, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts.

Panic Attacks/Panic Disorder

Panic Attacks and Panic Disorder are related terms in the fact that they both describe an intense period of fear or discomfort. They usually arise unexpectedly and suddenly. Panic Attacks are short periods of fear that reach a peak within minutes. Panic attacks can take place in many situations, but can also happen without any clear trigger or warning. Panic Disorder is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by recurrent Panic Attacks. With this disorder it is often found that the individual stresses about the possibility of another panic attack as well. This can influence one’s lifestyle and often leads to avoidance of places where previous attacks or ‘triggers’ occur. Treatment for these diagnoses usually include a combination of therapies and sometimes benefits from medications as well.

Therapy

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy educates individuals on panic attacks and focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns.
• Cognitive Restructuring: Cognitive restructuring challenges individuals’ irrational thoughts that contribute to panic attacks.

Medications

• Antidepressants: SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) and SNRIs (Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors) increase serotonin in the brain and are prescribed to reduce the frequency of panic attacks.
• Beta-Blockers: Beta Blockers are used to relieve symptoms of anxiety such as shaking and rapid heart beat.
• Benzodiazepines: Benzodiazepines increase the neurotransmitter GABA in the brain, which is a chemical that helps individuals feel calm. They are sometimes used for short term acute anxiety, but have the risk of dependence.

For all of these disorders and diagnoses it is important to remember that keeping up with a healthy lifestyle like exercising, eating correctly, and maintaining good sleep can affect the outcome of treatments. There are also peer and support groups available for individuals who are going through similar experiences to further discuss and give the individual someone to relate to.

References
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/panic-disorder-when-fear-overwhelms

Is Your Relationship Right for You? A Comprehensive Quiz

Healthy relationships are foundational to individual well-being and life satisfaction. They are characterized by mutual respect, trust, effective communication, emotional intimacy, and shared values. This quiz assesses key components of a healthy relationship, providing insight into areas that may need attention or improvement. The following sections provide a psychological research background for each category in the quiz.

Trust and Honesty

Research Basis: Trust and honesty are crucial for the foundation of a healthy relationship. Research by Rempel, Holmes, and Zanna (1985) highlights the importance of trust in relationships, noting that it fosters deeper connections and security between partners. Trust involves believing in your partner’s reliability and integrity, while honesty is about being truthful and transparent.

Key Studies:

• Rempel, J. K., Holmes, J. G., & Zanna, M. P. (1985). Trust in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 49(1), 95.

Communication

Research Basis: Effective communication is a pillar of relationship satisfaction. It allows partners to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs. According to Gottman and Silver (1999), positive communication patterns are predictive of relationship longevity and satisfaction. Listening actively and resolving conflicts constructively are key components.

Key Studies:

• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown.

Emotional Connection

Research Basis: Emotional connection refers to the depth of feeling and emotional responsiveness between partners. Collins and Feeney (2000) emphasize that emotional support and responsiveness are critical for relationship satisfaction and stability. Shared values and emotional support during stressful times contribute to a stronger bond.

Key Studies:

• Collins, N. L., & Feeney, B. C. (2000). A safe haven: An attachment theory perspective on support seeking and caregiving in intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(6), 1053-1073.

Intimacy

Research Basis: Intimacy encompasses both emotional and physical closeness. According to Schaefer and Olson (1981), satisfying physical intimacy is a significant predictor of overall relationship satisfaction. Discussions about sexual needs and maintaining a vibrant romantic life are important for long-term fulfillment.

Key Studies:

• Schaefer, M. T., & Olson, D. H. (1981). Assessing intimacy: The PAIR Inventory. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 7(1), 47-60.

Individual Growth

Research Basis: Supporting individual growth within a relationship is essential. Brehm (1992) suggests that healthy relationships promote personal development and self-actualization. Encouraging each other’s goals and respecting independence can enhance overall relationship quality.

Key Studies:

• Brehm, S. S. (1992). Intimate Relationships. McGraw-Hill.

Handling Conflict

Research Basis: Conflict resolution is vital for relationship health. Gottman’s (1994) research shows that how couples handle conflicts is more important than the frequency of conflicts. Effective conflict resolution involves compromise, active listening, and learning from past disagreements.

Key Studies:

• Gottman, J. M. (1994). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Discussing the Future

Research Basis: Shared future goals and visions are crucial for long-term relationship success. Research by Stanley, Rhoades, and Whitton (2010) highlights the importance of discussing and aligning long-term goals, such as marriage and family life, to ensure compatibility and commitment.

Key Studies:

• Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Whitton, S. W. (2010). Commitment: Functions, formation, and the securing of romantic attachment. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 2(4), 243-257.

The Quiz

Answer each question honestly on a scale of 1-5, where 1 = strongly disagree and 5 = strongly agree.

Trust and Honesty

1. I trust my partner, and they trust me.
2. We are honest and transparent with each other.
3. We keep commitments to one another.
4. We feel secure in our relationship and aren’t worried about infidelity.

Communication

1. We effectively communicate our thoughts and feelings to each other.
2. We listen to each other and are attentive to each other’s concerns.
3. We resolve conflicts by talking in a timely and respectful manner.
4. We discuss important decisions together and come to conclusions as well as compromise.

Emotional Connection

1. We have similar values, goals, and beliefs.
2. We support one another during times of stress.
3. We express appreciation and affection for each other daily.
4. We enjoy spending quality time together and having fun.

Intimacy

1. We feel emotionally connected during intimate moments.
2. Our physical intimacy (e.g., kissing, hugging, sex) is satisfying to both of us.
3. We make a conscious effort to keep our romantic life exciting and fulfilling.
4. We discuss our sexual needs and preferences.

Individual Growth

1. We encourage each other to pursue our goals and interests.
2. We respect each other’s needs for space and independence.
3. We provide emotional support and encouragement for each other’s personal development.
4. We help each other become the best version of ourselves.

Handling Conflict

1. We compromise to benefit both of us.
2. We don’t avoid discussing important topics, even when they are uncomfortable.
3. We apologize when we make a mistake and forgive one another.
4. We learn from past conflicts and strive to improve.

Discussing the Future

1. We talk about our future and our long-term goals align.
2. We have similar expectations for marriage, children, and family life.
3. We feel optimistic and hopeful for our future as a couple.
4. We are committed to making our relationship work, even with the challenges.

Scoring

Add up your scores from each section.

• A score from 100-140 signifies a strong relationship.
• A score from 75-95 signifies a moderately strong relationship.
• A score below 75 indicates areas of concern that can benefit from further discussion and understanding.

This quiz integrates established psychological research to help individuals assess the health of their relationships. By examining trust, communication, emotional connection, intimacy, individual growth, conflict resolution, and future planning, participants can gain a comprehensive understanding of their relationship dynamics and identify areas for improvement.

Couples Therapy: The Gottman Method vs Emotion-Focused Therapy

Which couples therapy approach is right for you?

Both the Gottman Method and EFT improve relationship satisfaction but differ in approach. Struggling with your significant other can be incredibly stressful. However, couples therapy can provide essential relief by helping you and your partner better understand each other and uncover the underlying issues in your relationship. In this post, I am comparing two effective types of couples therapy: the Gottman Method and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT).

The Gottman Method

Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the Gottman Method is rooted in more than 40 years of research. This method empowers couples by assessing their relationship and offering interventions to enhance problem-solving skills, strengthen bonds, and deepen intimacy. The key components of the Gottman Method follow:

1. The Sound Relationship House Theory: A practical tool reviewing seven components essential for a healthy relationship: building love maps, sharing fondness and admiration, turning toward a positive perspective, managing conflict, making life dreams come true, and creating shared meaning. This theory structures a secure and stable foundation for a lasting marriage.
2. Gottman Institute Assessment Tools: Tools like the Gottman Relationship Checkup, a survey analyzing relationship dynamics, providing feedback, and recommending personalized treatment plans. Its popularity stems from its accuracy and detailed insights.
3. The Four Horsemen of Apocalypse: Four negative communication patterns that predict relationship failure if not addressed: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
4. Repair Attempts: Both partners must de-escalate conflicts actively and make continuous efforts to resolve issues.
5. Emotional Coaching: Encourages partners to understand and validate each other’s feelings, fostering empathy and ensuring no one feels unheard.
6. Creating a Shared Meaning: Promotes the development of a unified vision for the couple’s life, encompassing traditions, routines, goals, and values.
7. Love Maps: Understanding your partner deeply, knowing their fears, dreams, preferences, and dislikes, enhancing mutual understanding and connection.

The Gottman Method provides practical tools and strategies to improve communication, manage conflicts, understand each other better, maintain effort, and build a strong foundation for a healthy relationship.

Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT)

A short-term therapy designed to strengthen relationships by enhancing the emotional and physical bond between partners. It is grounded in attachment theory and is widely recognized as a valuable approach in couples’ therapy.

Key Components of Emotion-Focused Therapy:

1. Attachment Theory: Emphasizes the need for emotional security in relationships, highlighting the importance of being emotionally accessible and open to interaction to maintain healthy bonds.
2. Identifying Patterns: Focuses on recognizing and addressing negative patterns that weaken relationships, intervening to prevent deterioration, and fostering stability.
3. Emotion Regulation: Helps partners understand and manage their emotions, facilitating deeper emotional connections and mutual understanding.
4. Creating Stable Bonds: Aims to establish secure bonds by promoting responsiveness, emotional vulnerability, and active engagement, even during conflicts.
5. Promoting Forgiveness: Emphasizes the role of forgiveness and acceptance, enhancing intimacy and understanding by embracing each other’s imperfections.
6. Emotion-focused therapy provides a framework for couples to improve their emotional skills and reconnection, promoting healthy emotional expression and understanding.

Research Findings: Gottman Method vs Emotion-Focused Therapy

Effectiveness:
Studies indicate that both the Gottman Method and EFT are effective in improving relationship satisfaction, though they employ different approaches. The Gottman Method is data-driven and structured, focusing on specific behaviors and communication patterns, while EFT emphasizes emotional experiences and attachment needs.
Research on the Gottman Method has shown that couples who follow its principles report lasting improvements in relationship satisfaction and stability. Similarly, EFT has demonstrated long-term benefits, with couples maintaining better emotional connections and lower divorce rates years after therapy .

Conflict Resolution:
The Gottman Method provides detailed strategies for managing and resolving conflicts, making it particularly effective for couples struggling with communication issues. EFT, on the other hand, focuses on the emotional underpinnings of conflicts, helping couples understand and address the deeper emotional issues driving their disputes.

Emotional Intimacy:
EFT excels in fostering emotional intimacy and security, making it ideal for couples who feel disconnected or have experienced emotional injuries. The Gottman Method also improves emotional intimacy but does so through structured interactions and exercises that build mutual understanding and respect.

Suitability:
Gottman Method: Best suited for couples who prefer a structured, research-based approach and are looking to improve specific relationship skills and behaviors.
EFT: Ideal for couples who want to delve into their emotional experiences and attachment needs, and who seek to strengthen their emotional bond and intimacy.

References:
Shapiro, A. F., & Gottman, J. M. (2005). Effects on marriage of a psycho-communicative-educational intervention with couples undergoing the transition to parenthood, evaluated with both observational and self-report methods. Journal of Family Communication, 5(1).
Johnson, S. M., & Greenberg, L. S. (1985). The differential effects of experiential and problem-solving interventions in resolving marital conflict. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 53(2), 175.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2012). What makes love last?: How to build trust and avoid betrayal. Simon and Schuster.
Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connection. Brunner-Routledge.
Gottman, J. M., & Notarius, C. I. (2000). Decade review: Observing marital interaction. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4), 927-947.
Johnson, S. M., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L., & Schindler, D. (1999). Emotionally focused couples therapy: Status and challenges. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(1), 67-79.
Johnson, S. M. (2009). Attachment theory and emotionally focused therapy for individuals and couples. In J. H. Obegi & E. Berant (Eds.), Attachment theory and research in clinical work with adults (pp. 410-433). The Guilford Press.
Carrère, S., Buehlman, K. T., Gottman, J. M., Coan, J. A., & Ruckstuhl, L. (2000). Predicting marital stability and divorce in newlywed couples. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 42.

How to Develop New Healthy Patterns

We have all tried to shift many habits in our lives to be healthier. Sometimes, with great discipline and willpower, we are successful. Other times, we fail quickly. And most times, there is a pattern to the successful changes we make.

Classic Change Pattern

Typically, we set a goal, make progress toward that goal and then fall back into our old habits. We then realize what we are doing, and we start making progress again. The next time we fall, it may not be as far and we may start to make progress again more quickly than the time we fell before. This change pattern is quite normal.

Easy Change Leads to Sustainable Change

What I have found over the years from my own experience and from working with clients is that
change happens faster and stays longer when we make it easy.

For example, when I first became a psychologist, I completed a week-long course on mindfulness-based stress reduction. I left that training feeling inspired and excited, so much so, that I created an area in my home for meditation. For one year, I walked past that area everyday saying to myself, “I should meditate.” I didn’t. I had this idea that I had to devote 20 minutes to an hour to meditation. At that time in my life, I just didn’t have the capacity to do that. So, I dismantled the meditation area. I then started to train my attention by focusing on my breath for the time it took my computer to boot up, which was about 30 seconds to a minute. That was manageable. From there, I developed a two-minute practice, which led to a five-minute practice and then 10 minutes. After sometime, I was able to meditate for an hour and then three hours.
Over 20 years later, I continue to maintain a regular 20-minute daily practice, and sometimes I will meditate for an hour or more.

When I made meditation easy and manageable, I was able to create a daily practice and a new healthy pattern in my life.

5 Easy and Healthy Patterns

New patterns become natural when we repeat them. Repetition is how we rewire our brains. Integrating a new pattern into your existing daily activities or engaging in the new habit for five minutes or less can lead to a sustainable new routine. Here are some ways you can start:

1. Be more present in life by noticing 3 things when you walk through any door. Use any or all of your senses.
2. Quiet your inner critic and develop your inner nurturer by utilizing an app like “Self-Talk Plus+,” which provides positive, practical and realistic messages that can be played in the background while you cook, exercise or drive.
3. Engage in more self-soothing activities that are rhythmic, repetitive and patterned by playing a song each day and dancing for the length of it. Dancing can be a gentle sway or full-on movement.
4. Affirm the beauty of who you are by creating a list of affirmations, starting with one. Fully embody the affirmation by writing it in your own hand and reading it out loud. Doing this allows you to see, speak, hear and feel the power of the affirmation. Each day add a new affirmation and read your list out loud.
5. Start a healthy exercise routine by setting a timer for five minutes and walking five minutes away from your home. If a 10-minute walk feels like too much, set a timer for 2 1/2 minutes and start with a five-minute walk.

The hardest part of developing new patterns in this easy way is actually remembering to do it. Setting reminders on your phone or putting reminder notes in your home, car or workplace can be quite helpful.

Written by Dr. Liza Auciello, Group Therapy LA

How to Get the Most Out of Group Therapy: An Owner’s Manual

Group therapy can provide powerful healing, and even transformative experiences. In order for this type of experience to occur, the members of the group must achieve a deep level of trust and interconnectedness. The suggestions given below are intended to help you enter and participate in the group in ways that will make it more likely that you will have such experiences.

Enter the group with an openness to developing deeply personal relationships with other group members. Maintain this openness over time.

Initially, it may seem impossible to trust or to learn from other members of the group you perceive to be different from you. You may see yourself as superior, inferior, or just plain incompatible on any one of many dimensions, such as wealth, intelligence, sophistication, education, gender, sexual orientation, religion, spiritual¬ity, criminal history, ethnicity, age, mental health, political beliefs, moral integrity, and/or self-awareness. Discussing how your perception of differences makes trusting them difficult can be the first step to building relationships.

Your ability to search out elements of common humanity (including yourself in, rather than out) will offer you wider possibilities for self-knowledge and growth.
Respect and guard the integrity and sanctity of the group by being very protective of its boundaries.
Early in a group’s development it is difficult to do productive work in the group and look good at the same time. In a more mature group your willingness to look fool¬ish, stupid, crazy, or unevolved—i.e. to not look good—will be appreciated by others and may paradoxically make you look good.

While it is natural to wish to be liked, try to remember that you come to the group to grow, to learn about yourself and to explore your ways of relating to others. If you are trying to be popular, you will miss opportunities for self-expression and expansion.
Similarly, allowing yourself not to like certain group members may be more valuable for your self-discovery than trying to find a way to like them.

Politeness may be a defense against intimacy.

Assume you have unconscious motives that will eventually be noticed by other group members. Invite and welcome, in fact, request and demand, that they notice your unconscious and give you feedback about it whenever they can.
Your authentic reaction or association to what someone else brings to the group will be more valuable to the group, and to yourself, than being “helpful” or trying to solve the other’s problem.

Cultivate curiosity about yourself and others, and express it without restraint. If you wonder about someone else in terms of sexuality, financial status, political be¬liefs, spiritual or religious practices, or anything else, feel free to ask. They can always decline to answer, and the asking will be good for the group.
Do not let your fear of love or hate keep you from expressing what you feel and believe. It is the only way to become your authentic self and is worth whatever risk you may imagine is attached to having, or being the object of, strong responses. Your life cannot be meaningful and fulfilling unless you strive to know as much as possible about who you really are—and are becoming.
Finding the courage to be authentic in the group will enhance your bravery in other relationships and situations outside the group. Egg others on to be more courageous, and let them egg you on.

Never assume that something you think or feel is unimportant or not worthy of shar¬ing with the group just because it seems irrational, inappropriate, impolite or silly. Some¬time your unconscious may speak directly to another’s or to that of the group, even though your conscious mind has no way to understand what is going on.

Remember that support, whether given or received, does not always come in the form of agreement or approval.
Actively cultivate the courage to share with the group your worst fears and secrets relating to how bad, defective, crazy, unlovable, or evil you fear you might be.

Group therapists are taught to “trust the process.” One implication of this dictum is that the first topic that emerges in a given session is not necessarily the only topic, or even an important one. By sharing whatever is stirred in you by what is going on at any moment, you will not only have the chance to learn more about yourself, but will also facilitate the process we are attempting to trust. This type of sharing is often particularly valuable when you have no idea why you are reacting the way you are.
Be active in bringing to the group your suffering, issues, problems, dilemmas, and confusions, and asking for help with them. Don’t wait for them to emerge from the group process, but if they do, seize the opportunity to get the group’s help in addressing them.

Also be active in bringing your success, joy, gratitude, and exhilaration to the group. The fact that another member of the group may be experiencing sorrow or pain is not a reason to withhold your own jubilation—and vice versa.
As you present your life and yourself to the group at increasingly deeper levels, the material you present can be divided into three categories. The ideal response of the group depends on the category. The first category consists of beliefs and behaviors that you can change in order to reduce your suffering. The group confronts and contains you so that you can find the courage and insight to make such changes. The second category consists of suffering over which you have no control, and in this case the group’s job is simply to bear witness to your suffer¬ing and to refrain from trying to talk you out of it. The third category consists of the victories in your life, and the group’s job again is primarily to bear witness, although sometimes it must first struggle to get you to notice these.

Your relationship with fate, God, Higher Power, or whatever term you may use, is just as appropriate a topic in the group as your relationship with anyone or anything else. Just as the group develops an uncon¬scious with which your unconscious can interact, it also develops a soul with which your soul can interact.

Take advantage of the group’s power to help you make better choices by bringing the group in on the earliest stages of important decisions you are contemplating mak¬ing—including thoughts about possibly leaving the group.
If you find yourself distrusting anyone in the group, especially the therapist, regard this as a very important issue to address as soon as possible.

Early in your membership in the group you may misrepresent certain things about yourself out of fear of being judged. Later you will confront three choices about how to deal with such early misrepresentations: (1) find the courage to disclose them so that you can get more out of the group; (2) keep them to yourself, knowing that the po¬tential for maximum benefit is constricted by your secrets; or (3) come up with some excuse to leave the group in order to avoid having to make the choice between (1) and (2). Choose option (1). You will face, and probably already have faced, the same choice in other kinds of ongoing relationships, such as friendships and marriage.

At some point you will probably find yourself frustrated with the seeming artifi¬ciality of meeting only for a set time once each week with people to whom you are starting to feel meaningfully connected and therefore would like to see at other times. It is valuable to bring this frustration into the group.

Over time your authentic participation in the group will enhance your capacity to tolerate loving and being loved. Remind yourself of this when things get confusing, frustrating, frightening, or painful.
No matter how recently you have become a member, it is your group and you have a right to demand that it be helpful and powerful for you.

Stay in the room, physically and emotionally, as much as possible.

Take ownership of your group. If you perceive that there is an elephant in the room that nobody is acknowledging, say so. If the group does not feel as alive as you want it to be, announce that. If you are unhappy with something a therapist has done, or not done, complain. If there is a hint that somebody may have violated a boundary, chal¬lenge that person. Remember that it’s your group.

— Susan Jacobson, LCSW, CGP and John Reed, Ph.D., CGP

Psychotherapy to Overcome Limiting Beliefs

Meet Emily, a young professional grappling with self-doubt and a paralyzing fear of failure, hindering her career advancement. Emily’s conviction that she couldn’t take on leadership roles and her lack of confidence in pursuing new opportunities were deeply ingrained limiting beliefs.

With the guidance of her therapist, Emily gradually replaced her negative self-talk with affirmations emphasizing her strengths and capabilities. Emily confronted her limiting beliefs head-on, questioning their validity and exploring the evidence supporting her fears. Additionally, she embraced visualization exercises, picturing herself triumphing in challenging scenarios and stepping beyond her comfort zone. Over time, Emily’s confidence flourished, propelling her to pursue leadership roles within her organization with newfound conviction and enthusiasm.

As a psychologist dedicated to facilitating personal growth, I encounter individuals like Emily, who are held back by their limiting beliefs. These beliefs serve as silent barriers, impeding progress and stifling potential. However, individuals have the power to embark on a transformative journey toward self-realization by acknowledging and challenging these beliefs.

Recent research in psychology underscores the pervasive impact of limiting beliefs and the effectiveness of various strategies for challenging and transforming them. A seminal study by Carol Dweck and her colleagues at Stanford University delved into the concept of “mindset” and its profound implications for achievement and personal development.

Dweck’s research illuminated two distinct mindsets: a fixed mindset, where individuals view their abilities as innate and unchangeable, and a growth mindset, where individuals believe in the capacity for development through effort and perseverance. Those embracing a growth mindset exhibited greater resilience, actively seeking growth opportunities and achieving their goals. This research underscores the significance of mindset in shaping our self-perceptions and potential. By cultivating a growth mindset, individuals can dismantle the notion of fixed limitations and embrace a narrative of continual growth and improvement.

Emily’s journey is a testament to the transformative power of challenging limiting beliefs and adopting a growth mindset—from cognitive restructuring to positive affirmations and visualization—in overcoming these beliefs.

Navigating Workplace Burnout

Burnout has become an increasingly prevalent concern affecting employees across various industries in today’s fast-paced work environments. Burnout is a state of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. Understanding the dynamics of burnout, its causes, and effective coping strategies is crucial for fostering healthier work environments and promoting employee well-being.

The addition of burnout to the International Classification of Diseases (ICD) recognizes it as a syndrome stemming from prolonged workplace stress and lacking adequate management. Its inclusion underscores its global public health importance, underscoring the urgency for implementing effective prevention and intervention measures. World Health Organization (2019)

The Phenomenon of Workplace Burnout

Workplace burnout is more than just feeling tired or stressed; it’s a complex syndrome characterized by cynicism, detachment, and a sense of inefficacy. Employees experiencing burnout often find themselves emotionally drained, lacking motivation, and struggling to meet the demands of their jobs. Burnout can manifest in various ways, including decreased productivity, absenteeism, and increased conflicts in the workplace.

Causes of Workplace Burnout

Numerous factors contribute to the development of burnout in the workplace. High workload, unrealistic expectations, and tight deadlines can create chronic stress, leading to burnout. Additionally, poor work-life balance, lack of control or autonomy, and insufficient support from colleagues or management can exacerbate feelings of burnout. Moreover, organizational factors such as toxic work cultures, unclear job roles, and limited opportunities for growth and development can significantly impact employee well-being.

Preventing Burnout in the Workplace

Prevention is vital when it comes to addressing workplace burnout. Employers are key in creating a supportive work environment that promotes employee health and resilience. Strategies to prevent burnout include:

1. Establishing clear expectations and boundaries: Providing employees with realistic goals and ensuring manageable workloads can help prevent feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion.

2. Encouraging work-life balance: Promoting flexible work arrangements, encouraging employees to take regular breaks, and offering wellness programs can help mitigate the risk of burnout.

3. Fostering a positive work culture: Cultivating an inclusive and supportive work environment where employees feel valued, appreciated, and respected can enhance morale and reduce burnout.

4. Providing resources and support: Offering access to counseling services, mentorship programs, and professional development opportunities can help employees cope with stress and build resilience.

5. Promoting open communication: Encouraging regular feedback, facilitating honest conversations about workload and job satisfaction, and addressing concerns proactively can foster a culture of trust and collaboration.

Overcoming Burnout

For individuals experiencing burnout, it’s essential to prioritize self-care and seek support when needed. Strategies to overcome burnout include:

1. Setting boundaries: Learning to say no, delegating tasks when possible, and prioritizing self-care activities can help individuals regain control and balance.
2. Practicing stress management techniques: Incorporating mindfulness, meditation, exercise, and relaxation techniques into daily routines can help reduce stress levels and promote well-being.
3. Seeking support: Talking to a friend, family member, or mental health professional can provide valuable support and perspective during challenging times.
4. Reevaluating priorities: Reflecting on personal and professional goals, reassessing values, and adjusting to align with one’s priorities can help individuals regain clarity and focus.
5. Considering a change: In some cases, burnout may indicate a need for a change in job roles, career paths, or workplace environments. Exploring alternative options and seeking opportunities for growth and fulfillment can be empowering steps toward recovery.

Workplace burnout is a significant issue that requires attention and action from both employers and employees. Organizations can create healthier and more productive work environments by fostering a culture of well-being, promoting preventive measures, and offering support to those experiencing burnout. Through awareness, understanding, and proactive intervention, we can work together to mitigate the impact of burnout and cultivate workplaces where individuals can thrive.

Stay or Go? Using the 80-20 Rule to Evaluate Your Relationship

In my psychology practice, I have discovered that people can assess relationship compatibility with their partner through a deliberate approach. I formulated the “80-20 rule”—a practical framework aimed at helping individuals evaluate the suitability of their partners.

This process involves listing essential qualities of your partner that are most important, assigning point values based on importance, and determining whether there is an 80 percent alignment (which I believe is the benchmark for compatibility.).

Here is an example of how one client (who we will call Amanda) applied the 80-20 rule to her husband (Scott). Amanda identified specific attributes that are important to her, along with the point value of each attribute. All potential points must add up to 100 for this rule to work.

• Communication (10 points): For the most part, Scott expresses himself openly, actively listens, and engages in meaningful conversations: 9 of 10 points.
• Trust (15 points): Scott consistently demonstrates honesty and integrity: 13 of 15 points.
• Shared Values (12 points): Amanda and Scott align closely on essential aspects like family, career, and life goals: 12 of 12 points.
• Respect (8 points): Scott respects Amanda’s opinions in general but doesn’t fully respect her boundaries: 4 of 8 points.
• Compatibility (10 points): Amanda and Scott share interests and lifestyle choices: 10 of 10 points.
• Empathy (10 points): Scott demonstrates moderate empathy: 6 of 10 points.
• Commitment (15 points): Scott is fully dedicated to the relationship and somewhat dedicated to relationship development: 13 of 15 points.
• Intimacy (10 points): Scott is generous with physical touch, which is most important to Amanda, but he avoids sex: 6 of 10 points.
• Financial stability (5 points): Scott contributes to the relationship financially. He is the primary earner of the couple: 5 of 5 points.
• Independence (5 points): Scott respects Amanda’s need for independence, though he sometimes can be a little needy when she is busy: 3 of 5 points.
• Total: 81/100

The 80-20 Benchmark:

Assigning points to these qualities, with a total of 100, facilitates a structured compatibility assessment. The 80-20 rule suggests that a partner scoring 80 points or more indicates a solid foundation. The remaining 20%, representing differences, serves as a reminder that perfection is unrealistic. Recognizing that not every quality will be a perfect match allows individuals to approach the 20% gap with realism. Ultimately, it’s normal to like only some aspects, making communication and collaboration essential for addressing concerns and fostering mutual understanding.

What if a partner scores less than 80 points in the 80-20 rule?
After meticulously listing down qualities and assigning point values, the critical moment arrives. If your partner scores less than 80 points, it’s time to consider the implications and potentially reassess the relationship. While no relationship is perfect, a score below 80 suggests that the foundational aspects crucial for a healthy and fulfilling partnership may be lacking.

Conclusion:

The 80-20 rule provides a practical framework for individuals seeking clarity in their relationships. This rule encourages a nuanced approach to compatibility assessment by considering essential qualities and assigning point values. Embracing imperfections, communicating openly, and working collaboratively to address differences contribute to a thriving and resilient relationship. Remember, the 80% alignment is a solid foundation, and the 20% disparity is an opportunity for growth and understanding.

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Why Therapists Should Consider Referring Clients to a Life Coach

Does your client need help in meeting specific goals in their work or personal life?

Read about how a life coach can complement your practice and provide clients with additional support.

What is a Life Coach? And what makes coaching different from therapy?

Most people understand that you work with a psychotherapist to help improve your emotional state. With a therapist, you’ll discuss thoughts, feelings and how they relate to situations in your past. By exploring feelings and their root cause, there can be relief, healing, and growth.

With a Life Coach, you work with an experienced professional to help set and meet goals by developing specific, and actionable plans. Coaching never involves digging into your emotions or the past.

What are the benefits of using a Life Coach?

Whether you are making a transition, or setting out to achieve a new goal, using a life coach can make the process smoother, faster, and more complete. Instead of rushing to fix problems, working with a coach can help you make sure all angles are considered and addressed.

Coaching can be fun because it is rooted in collaboration and achievement. Projects that were once met with avoidance, confusion, or overwhelm are transformed with energy. When solutions are uncovered, clients are often enthusiastic, intuitive, and capable.

Who uses a Life Coach?

Similar to how athletes use a coach to help improve performance and develop winning game plans, successful people use a life coach to help assess objectives and circumstances to help the client create and implement winning strategies.

What can a Life Coach do that a friend or family member can’t?

Friends and family may have your best interests at heart, however, there are many reasons why people don’t turn to them for coaching and advice.

Unlike family or friends, a life coach never thinks “they know what’s best for you” and never advises based on “that’s what worked for me.” Life coaches do not make decisions for clients. They help clients realize what the right decisions are for themselves. Also with coaching, you are guaranteed privacy, and confidentiality, and the focus is always on you.

Book Recommendation: Boundaries

Body-based Therapy Interventions for Healing Trauma

Traumatic experiences can have a profound impact on the body, mind, spirit, energy, emotions and relationships. Ultimately, all of these aspects are addressed in therapy to promote comprehensive healing. This article will provide a brief description of somatic therapy, 6 simple body-based interventions to help clients become more acquainted with their bodies and their stress response systems, as well as book recommendations from pioneers in this field.

What is Somatic Therapy?

Somatic therapy focuses on the connection between the mind and body, and helps clients to access, process and release emotional and psychological distress from the body (Muehsam et al., 2017, Grabbe & Miller-Karas, 2018). It is based on the awareness that trauma can leave physical and emotional imprints that are stored in the body. If left unaddressed, these imprints can disrupt the body’s natural capacity to regulate and process emotions, and can lead to a variety of psychological and physical symptoms (Dye, 2018). Physical and emotional imprints often make it difficult for trauma survivors to recognize the difference between real and imagined danger, and their body cues may be amplified, dulled or misinterpreted.

Somatic Interventions

Somatic interventions explore bodily sensations, movements, and traumatic experiences so they can be healed on a physical level. To help clients develop healthy patterns, start with some simple and quick techniques that clients can easily integrate into their lives. Begin with 30 second to two-minute versions of the techniques noted below and build from there.

1. Voo breathing is helpful when clients feel strong emotions or sensations, as it assists in the release of emotions from the body. Guide the client to take an easy and full breath in, all the way to their belly. On the exhale, invite them to make the sound “voo” as if the sound was coming from deep in their gut. Repeat multiple times.
2. Grounding can be used when clients feel nervous or unregulated. This technique will help the client to connect with their physical body and the present moment. Guide the client to feel their feet firmly planted on the ground, and to picture the roots of a tree coming from the bottom of their feet, going deep into the earth, far and wide. Then invite the client to scan their body from their head to their toes, noticing any tension, emotions or unwanted sensations. As they notice what they want to let go of, they can picture these things moving down their body, out of the bottom of their feet and going deep into the earth. Provide a few moments for the client to scan and release.
3. Body scanning alone can increase self-awareness and mindfulness. Simply invite your client to pay attention to one body part at a time and to notice the sensations, thoughts and emotions that arise. It’s often helpful for clients to keep a journal tracking their experience during body scans.
4. Orienting connects the client to the present moment using their senses. You can guide the client to notice the:
   • colors, shapes and textures they see
   • sounds they hear coming from their body, the room or outside
   • things they feel on their body (the texture of their clothes, the cool or warm air)
   • smells around them
   • taste in their mouth (which could be bitter, sweet, sour, etc.)

   A more simplified orienting technique is to have the client identify five things they can see, four things they can touch, three things they can hear, two things they can smell, and one thing they can taste.

5. Mindfulness exercises help clients to cultivate present-moment awareness and non-judgmental acceptance. A simple way to train the mind to be present is to start with the goal of anchoring the attention on one thing, like the breath, a word or a sense. In this case, you are not trying to relax or quiet their mind. The goal is to simply anchor the attention on one thing.
   Using the breath as the anchor, you would guide the client to breathe in and out while noticing the sensations around the breath. Where does the air first hit the body? Is it the tip of the nostrils, the back of the throat or the chest? Is there a sound associated with the breath? Is the air cold or warm? Is the breath deep or shallow? You would just notice the sensations around the breath. If the mind wanders, notice it and go back to the anchor, the breath. Clients may feel relaxed or agitated. There is no right or wrong response. You’re not trying to change anything. You are just paying attention to the experience.
6. Vagus Nerve Reset helps to reset the nervous system. This exercise transitions the client from a sitting position to lying down on their back. It is good to have a yoga mat present. While sitting up, ask the client to move their head to the left and then to the right, noticing any tightness or ease and if there is any difference in the two sides. This is done to gather a baseline. Ask client to lie on their back with their feet on the floor, knees bent and their hands behind their head, cradling it. With their nose pointing to the ceiling, ask the client to move their eyes to right as far as the eyes will go, keeping their head in place with their nose pointing to the ceiling. Have them hold this eye position for at least 30 seconds. Then, have them move their eyes back to the center for a moment and then to the left for 30 seconds and back to the middle. Typically, the client will naturally sigh, swallow or yawn, which are all signs of a reset and a release of tension. If they do not, the next time they can hold each eye position for a full minute. The client can simply sit up and notice how they feel and check the mobility of their neck. Has anything shifted for them? Is it easier to move from side to side, has either side changed?

Somatic therapy has been found to significantly decrease the severity of trauma symptoms and depression (Brom et al., 2017). With additional training, therapists can learn Trauma Release Exercises that use physical movement and shaking to release tension and stored trauma from the body. Therapists can also work with trained professionals who use touch and bodywork to help clients feel safe and connected to their bodies. Additionally, clinicians can get certified in a particular somatic therapy method. As a whole, somatic interventions provide clients the opportunity to fully process the physical, emotional and psychological impact of their traumatic experiences.

Somatic Therapy Pioneers

Adding body-based interventions to your repertoire can increase the depth and effectiveness of your work. To learn more about integrating somatic interventions into your therapeutic approach, the following authors have made significant contributions to the development and practice of somatic therapy.

• Bessel van der Kolk: Founder and medical director of the Trauma Center at Justice Resource Institute and author of “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma,” an important book on the role of the body in trauma healing.
• Peter Levine: Founder of Somatic Experiencing® and author of several books on somatic therapy, including “In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness” and “Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma.”
• Pat Ogden: Founder of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute and author of “Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma and Attachment.”
• Stephen Porges: Creator of the Polyvagal Theory, which provides a neurobiological understanding of the relationship between the autonomic nervous system and social behavior. He is the author of “The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication and Self-Regulation.”
• Dan Siegel: Psychiatrist, Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute and author of several books, including “The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are” and “Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation.” Dr. Siegal has integrated insights from neuroscience, attachment theory, and mindfulness into his somatic therapy work.
• Bonnie Badenoch: Therapist and author of “The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships” and “Being a Brain-Wise Therapist: A Practical Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology” who has developed a relational approach to somatic therapy.
• Kathy Kain: Somatic therapist and author of “Nurturing Resilience: Helping Clients Move Forward from Developmental Trauma-An Integrative Somatic Approach.”
• Diana Fosha: Founder of the AEDP Institute and author of “The Transforming Power of Affect: A Model for Accelerated Change” who has integrated experiential and relational techniques into somatic therapy.
• Deb Dana: Clinician, consultant, and author of “The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation,” and “Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client Centered Practices,” who has helped to practically apply Polyvagal Theory in somatic therapy.
• Raja Selvam: Founder of the Integral Somatic Psychology Institute and author of “The Practice of Embodying Emotions: A Guide for Improving Cognitive, Emotional and Behavioral Outcomes.” Dr. Selvam has developed a comprehensive model of somatic therapy that integrates Eastern and Western approaches to healing.

References

Brom, D., Stokar, Y., Lawi, C., Nuriel-Porat, V., Ziv, Y., Lerner, K., & Ross, G. (2017). Somatic Experiencing for posttraumatic stress disorder: A randomized controlled outcome study. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 30, 304–312. 10.1002/jts.22189

Dye, H. (2018). The impact and long-term effects of childhood trauma. Journal of Human Behavior in the Social Environment, 28:3, 381-392. 10.1080/10911359.2018.1435328

Grabbe, L. & Miller-Karas, E. (2018). The Trauma Resiliency Model: A “Bottom-Up” Intervention for Trauma Psychotherapy. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association. 24(1), 76-84. 10.1177/1078390317745133

Muehsam, D., Lutgendorf, S., Mills, P. J., Rickhi, B., Chevalier, G., Bat, N., Chopra, D., & Gurfein, B. (2017). The embodied mind: A review of functional genomic and neurological correlates of mind-body therapies. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, 73, 165–181. 10.1016/j.neubiorev.2016.12.027

Mindfulness in 5 minutes

Mindfulness sets the foundation for emotional agility, and for building a body and mind that supports the achievement of your goals. The benefits of mindfulness are immense. Mindfulness:

• Increases the gray matter in areas of the brain that regulate emotion, sensory processing, memory and attention.
• Enhances self-awareness, as it deepens our understanding of our thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and responses.
• Improves self-influence through emotional regulation and increased body awareness.
• Regulates the body’s stress response and lowers stress levels.
• Creates a self-directed mind, as it increases focus and the ability to control attention.

Similar to developing strong muscles through physical exercise, expanding our ability to be fully present requires regular practice to achieve the benefits.

Fun Five-Minute Mindfulness Exercises

1. Choose an object as an anchor, like a rock, a piece of art or a blanket. Set a timer and explore the anchor with your senses. What colors and shapes do you notice? What is the texture like? Does the anchor feel heavy or light? Is it thin or thick? Does it make a sound when you bring it up to your ear? Does it have a smell? What’s happening in your body as you explore this anchor?
2. Use sound as an anchor. Play with a singing bowl (or other object that makes a sound like a chime, drum or guitar). Strike the bowl and listen until you can no longer hear the sound. Repeat.
3. Another way to use sound as an anchor is to simply notice the sound of your breath then expand your awareness to the sounds inside your body. You may notice digestive noises or the sound of your heartbeat. Allow your awareness to then expand to the noises in your room and then notice what you hear outside. What is the farthest sound you can hear?
4. If you have a pet, use their breath as an anchor. Bring your awareness to the sound of their breath. Is it loud or quiet, rhythmic or irregular? Place your hand near their nostrils and notice their breath on your hand. Does it feel warm or cold? Does it create a light breeze or a heavy gust? As you look at their nose, what happens to their nostrils as they breathe in and out? Shift your focus to their belly. Notice their belly expanding as they breathe in and contracting as they breathe out. Place your hand on their belly and allow your awareness to tune in to the feeling of their breath in your hand. Does their belly feel harder as it expands? Does the hair in your palm move? Is the hair soft, prickly or smooth? What happens when your animal releases their breath? What do you notice in your fingertips, your palm or your arm? For a moment, can you sync your breath with your animal’s breath? Breathe in with them. And breathe out with them.

Share this article on your social media so that as many people as possible can benefit from this simple 5-minute routine.

Book Recommendation: The Science of Making Friends

Increased popularity of Dry January

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A Therapeutic Technique for Anxiety

By Cara Gardenswartz, Ph.D., and Laura O’Loughlin, Psy.D.

“My life is the complete opposite of everything I wanted it to be. Every instinct I have in every aspect of life—be it something to wear, something to eat—it’s all been wrong.” You might remember this classic scene from Season 5 of the series Seinfeld. George Castanza has entered the diner, dejected about the trajectory of his life. The waitress approaches assuming he’ll order his usual: “Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cuppa coffee.”

George has a bright idea: “No, no, no. I always order tuna on toast. Nothing’s ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast—chicken salad, on rye, untoasted, with a side of potato salad, and a cuppa tea!” In that moment he commits to making new choices that are the opposite of his norm. He then approaches an attractive woman at the counter: “My name is George. I’m unemployed, and I live with my parents.”

From that point, as he continues to choose to do and say “the opposite,” everything goes over-the-moon wonderfully for him. If you haven’t seen this episode, you can watch the rest of it to find out how.

What does this opposite thing have to do with mental health, therapy, or psychology? I use this all the time.

As a psychologist, I help clients engage with opposites. When one is stuck in a funk, in problematic habits, or fixated on destructive thoughts, I encourage people to explore the opposite: to ponder it, roll around in it, and play with it. Maybe act on it. Definitely let it act on them. Working with the opposite is a simple, nimble tool that can begin to rewire the way we operate in the world and increase our cognitive flexibility. It is useful in a myriad of ways if we are willing to tolerate the discomfort of stepping out of the comfort zone and allow its magic to take root.

Employing Opposite Action: Social Anxiety

Clients with social anxiety live in self-consciousness, guessing how others view them. When stuck in self-conscious distress, I ask people to think about the opposite. “What do they think of me” can be turned around. “What do I think of them?” “Who do I want to talk to, to befriend, to kiss?” I do not tell clients to act on their thoughts necessarily. The exercise helps bring one’s curiosity from another’s point of view back to one’s own.

With these prompts, I encourage my clients to shift from the role of the observed to that of the observer, from object to subject, back to the position of I, me.

Benefits of Opposite action:

1. Contemplating the opposite can short-circuit the anxious self-conscious voices. It is difficult to worry about who might want to sit with me, for example, if I am focused on who I desire to sit with. When you find yourself fixated on what others are thinking, pause, and call back your attention to your own thoughts and observations.
2. Some people chronically put the needs of others before their own, they are knee-jerk accommodators. What do you want? What can I do for you? Let me get that for you. Shifting to the opposite might help. Become acquainted with your intrinsic desire for a change. Ask yourself: What do I want? This shift, when it takes root, is a game-changer. It elicits a more embodied sense of self, a more authentic way of relating to others, and greater freedom.
3. Getting familiar with the opposite thoughts brings about cognitive flexibility. The more ease we have with thinking and acting in different ways, the greater our adaptability in the world and the more sense of freedom in ourselves.

The result: Socially anxious people can stop their chaotic and paranoid guessing: What is that person thinking? And instead, listen to their own experiences.

Employing Opposite Action: Anticipatory Anxiety

When a big event is coming, a wedding, travel plans, a speech, people often imagine that the worst will happen. They fret about all the things that could go wrong, they catastrophize. This is a sure way to feel terrible. Of course, diligent preparation for big events is important, but fixating on the worst-case scenarios will likely give you a good case of the jitters (at best) or a panic attack (at worst). When you are pestered by catastrophizing thoughts, pause. Notice that they are thoughts. Then play with the opposite. Imagine the things that might go right and the happy surprises that might come about such as being acknowledged and respected. This is not rocket science. But, hey, it works.

Employing Opposite Action: Embrace Agency

Many people come into therapy with a fundamental belief in their helplessness. Of course, this is true, from our first breath we all experience some degree of vulnerability. Early wounding relationships and life traumas often exacerbate the experience of helplessness. But we each have agency, we have volition, an aspect of self that is sometimes forgotten. In playing with opposites, we begin to seed one’s agency, if it feels absent. And you can reacquaint yourself with it if it was lost.

Employing Opposite Action: Reduce Destructive Impulses: In DBT Therapy, Dialectal Behavioral Therapy, lies a crafty tool called “opposite action.” This can help those who tend to act out in destructive or sabotaging ways. These clients are encouraged to choose the opposite action of what their emotions desire. Someone who is very angry and has the urge to yell, insult, or hurt another chooses instead to speak softly and kindly. Someone who is fearful and wants to withdraw and hide attends a dinner party with the intent to interact. This can be a good trick.

Employing Opposite Action: Exposure Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy also deploys the tool of the opposite. This treatment can help those who are highly anxious or have traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder. A hallmark for these clients is avoidance—they avoid the situations that they fear, which increases those fears. Exposure therapy consists of gradually exposing oneself to the feared scenarios, encouraging the opposite of avoidance. With the capacity to tolerate what was once feared, one gains freedom. However, a person does not need an anxiety diagnosis to benefit from this practice; doing more and more of what scares us may grant us practical freedom.

When you have rational fears, such as fear of an intimidating stranger or a speeding car, honor it. That is appropriate. That is essential.

Read the original article at Psychology Today

Book Recommendation: Stop Walking on Eggshells

Emotional Maturity

Emotional maturity is not about being above your emotions and no longer having mental turbulence, it is about being able to sit with the rawness of every feeling without letting them take over your mind and actions.  You can face storms more skilfully without getting blown away.

-Yung Pueblo

Playing, and taking risks in therapy and life

From Dr. Laura O’Loughlin, Psychologist at GTLA

Recently, I stumbled on the classic episode of Seinfeld called “The Opposite,”  where George Castanza, in a fit of despair about how poorly his life has gone, vows to make all future choices in the opposite manner. In doing so, everything goes magically and comically right for him.

I love this. I actually use the George Castanza opposite trick.

Often in therapy sessions, I find myself helping clients engage with opposites. When one is stuck in a funk, in problematic habits, fixated on destructive thoughts, I encourage people to explore the opposite: The opposite thought, the opposite action, the reverse experience. I ask them to ponder it, roll around in it, play with. Maybe act on it. Definitely let it act on them.

Working with the opposite is a simple, nimble tool that can begin to rewire the way we operate in the world and increase our cognitive flexibility. It is useful in a myriad of ways if we are willing to tolerate the discomfort of stepping out of the comfort zone and allow its magic to take root.

My favorite part of playing with opposites: It is the playing of it. Play itself.

Like the psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott, I believe that the capacity for playing, even as an adult, is an essential feature for well-being. And it is an essential feature of a fruitful therapy. For this reason, I try to cultivate a playful atmosphere when working with clients. With adults in therapy, “[playing] manifests itself, for instance, in the choice of words, in the inflections of the voice and indeed in the sense of humor.”  I notice also that a willingness to engage with opposites is both a manifestation of play and (when absent) an inroad to expanding a sense of play (if it is a challenge). When individuals experiment with opposites, (doing something different than usual – in thoughts, in actions, and in interactions) they allow themselves to play with what they think, how they relate with others, and how they relate to themselves. “It is in playing and only in playing that the individual … is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self.” Play in general and playing with opposites specifically do hold a sort of magic, a power to birth something new and to help one find a more robust sense of self.

Borderline Personality Disorder & DBT: Symptoms, Treatment & Hope

Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder & Beyond

With the recent Amber Heard/Johnny Depp trial, Borderline Personality Disorder is a hot topic. Many people are wondering…. “Do I have Borderline Personality Disorder?” Or “I think my friend, family member, lover, or coworker has it”.

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a condition that impacts the way one thinks and feels about themselves and others. It is marked by low self-esteem, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships. People with BDP have intense fear of abandonment and may have difficulty tolerating being alone. Even though they want to have loving and stable relationships, their anger outbursts, impulsiveness or mood swings may push people away.

Symptoms may include:

1. An intense fear of abandonment. Patients go to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection.
2. Unstable intense relationships. Patients may idealize someone one moment and then suddenly believe the person is bad or cruel.
3. Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image and goals.
4. Paranoia or loss of contact with reality. This can last for minutes or hours.
5. Impulsive and risky behaviors. Examples include gambling, reckless driving, binge eating, drug abuse, unsafe sex, spending sprees, self-sabotage of relationships (eg. by suddenly ending a relationship), or self-sabotage of their occupation/work (eg. by suddenly quitting).
6. Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury. These usually happen as a response to fear of separation or rejection.
7. Exaggerated mood swings which include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety.
8. Intense and ongoing feelings of emptiness.
9. Inappropriate, intense anger. This can look like loosing one’s temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or even engaging physical fights.

Treatment for BPD:
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is an advanced derivation of cognitive-behavioral therapy developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan in 1980 to help patients with BPD regulate their emotions and engage in healthy coping mechanisms. DBT is a treatment method also used more broadly as a treatment method for depression, anxiety, mood dysregulation, self-harm, and addiction. DBT teaches patients how to be in the present moment, navigate through stressful times, handle a crisis, and not make the situation worse, understand and manage their emotions, deal with distress, and ask for what one wants or effectively say no.

Full DBT treatment includes individual therapy, DBT skills in the form of group therapy, and phone coaching. Phone coaching helps patients in a crisis stop/change/prevent maladaptive behaviors.

DBT skills course/group therapy:
DBT skills are taught in weekly group therapy sessions Patients learn new skills as well as a new way of relating to others. Participants are given homework to help reinforce the material and skills. The groups last approximately six months. DBT skills training consists of four learning modules:

1. Mindfulness
This module teaches patients to observe their thoughts, feelings, and life experiences in a non-judgmental way. Patients learn to take the judgmental “good” or “bad” labels out of emotions.

2. Emotions Regulation
This module helps patients manage and take more control over their emotions by naming and understanding emotions, decreasing the frequency of unpleasant emotions, decreasing their vulnerability to emotions, and decreasing emotional suffering.

3. Distress Tolerance
Patients may act in ways that hurt themselves or their relationships when they are triggered. Examples include substance misuse, disordered eating, or overreactions. This module helps teach patients to perceive the environment as it is (instead of trying to change it), and helps patients choose more adaptive and healthier behaviors when they are distressed.

4. Interpersonal Effectiveness
This module targets relationship and social skills. Patients learn assertiveness skills, how to develop and maintain boundaries, healthy communication with family, co-workers and friends, and conflict management skills.

Need help?
You don’t need to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder to benefit from DBT. High emotional reactivity, mood instability or self-harm behaviors are enough of a reason to seek out this treatment. If you experience any of these symptoms, there is hope! Group Therapy LA offers DBT comprehensive therapy as well as DBT in both individual and group therapy formats for California residents. Contact us at cara@grouptherapyla.com

Key points:

• DBT stands for Dialectical Behavior Therapy and is a treatment used for many mental health conditions and symptoms
• DBT includes a skills training component that consists of four key modules taught in group therapy.
• There is treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder. It is not a hopeless condition

Self-Compassion: A Therapeutic Technique for Negative Thoughts & Trauma

By Dr. Cara Gardenswartz and Dr. Arezoo Esfahani

Self-compassion has been shown to strengthen the parts of the brain that make people happier, more resilient, and more attuned to others. It helps comfort negative emotions in the present, permanently heal painful memories from the past, and change negative core beliefs.

Three components of self-compassion:

Self-Kindness vs. Self-judgment

Self-compassion entails being kind, gentle and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, are imperfect, or feel inadequate. Self-compassionate people are kind with themselves when confronted with all these painful experiences instead of critical or unsympathetic.

Common Humanity vs. Isolation

Self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering, pain, weakness, and imperfection are all part of the shared human experience – something that we all experience rather than something that happens to “me” alone.

Mindfulness vs. Over-identification:

Mindfulness is a self-compassion practice that encourages people be in present moment instead of ruminating about their past or worrying about their future. The technique involves observing our thoughts instead of suppressing them or overly identifying with them.

Self-Compassion Exercises from Self-compassion.org

Below are two exercises we recommend for our clients to practice and learn about self-compassion. They are short and simple but can be quite healing. They can be applied to present moment or toward a traumatic or distressing memory.

1. Guided (audio) Self-Compassion Break
   This 5-minute guided exercise can be used to practice the three aspects of self-compassion in the moment you need it most: https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/self-compassion.break__01-cleanedbydan.mp3
2. Questions to Evoke Self-Compassion
   How would you treat a friend who is struggling in life? How would you respond to them? How would you typically treat yourself in this situation? How you think things might change if you respond to yourself in the same way you respond to a close friend in times of suffering? Why not treating yourself like a close friend and see what happens?

Book Recommendation: Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way

Book Recommendations – April 2022

Are You Surviving? Or Thriving?

Children have a natural state of wonder and fun. They love to laugh, see new things, they like to be self-sufficient and will try again and again to walk and will not get mad at themselves for falling again and again as they learn new skills. They cry easily when they are upset.

You were once a child with all of these skills: the ability to feel and express a full range of emotions and move on. You were born resilient, with a healthy sense of exploration, discovery, and fun. If you find that as an adult you are mostly surviving rather than thriving, remember that you don’t have to learn how to be a new type of person, you simply need to get in touch with the person you were born to be. The qualities that make life amazing are already within you, and it can be one of life’s greatest joys to continue to re-discover who you really are. What can you do today that will make you thrive (and not just survive?) The goal is to have a full life, not just one that we get through. Think like a child and you will begin to find joy in everything around you.

Who Would You Like to Be?

If you were asked to list all of the “things” you want in life, it would be easy. That’s because love, money, security, a bigger house, more time, health, are tangible things we can see with our eyes and experience. If you were asked to list all of the things you would like to be…that might be more difficult. That’s because it’s impossible to see what’s inside of someone just from looking at a social media post, or their house, or car, or clothes. Today’s challenge: Make a list of all of the qualities you would like to embody. When you finish your list, take a moment to read it over. Surprise! These are the qualities you naturally embody. Now the question is, which ones do you cultivate and allow others to see? Keep this list somewhere you can see it each day, and start to acknowledge the areas of your life where these qualities already shine. That is one of the fastest ways you can grow into your best self.

Hurt and Anger

People who get angry a lot are usually in a cycle of not wanting to deal with their feelings. On the other hand, people who often feel hurt are usually in a cycle of avoiding their anger. Anger is an important part of being human because it’s a signal from you — to you — that your boundaries have been violated. Everyone has different boundaries, which is why different things make different people angry. Anger is not something you need to “take out” on anyone. It is simply prompting you to take action and tend to your boundaries. When a boundary is violated, we are hurt. So staying in the anger or just tending to your boundary is often not enough. When there is anger, look for the hurt feelings underneath it so you can tend to those as well. With loving acknowledgement and care, those feelings can be released. Otherwise, they stay inside of you, being re-stimulated each time another situation makes you angry.

Shame vs Guilt

Being able to identify and name our feelings is critical if we want to be able to resolve them. As Mr. Rogers often said, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable.” When we say we are feeling “bad”, that sometimes can be how the subconscious protects us from being in touch with deep, painful feelings like shame and guilt. But what is the difference between shame and guilt? Shame reflects how we feel about ourselves. Guilt is our awareness that our actions have injured someone else. In other words, shame relates to self and guilt relates to other people. Sometimes we will feel both in regards to a single situation. Shame and guilt are gifts, because they help us identify who we actually are on the inside by letting us know when we behaved in ways that are not true to ourselves. Shame and guilt can be remedied by making things right (if that is possible) and a recommitment to living within your core values.

Worry Is a Waste of Time

Why worry? Some people can provide a very long answer to that question. “I’m worried about my children’s future, how to pay the bills, global warming, what if I don’t like the people who move in next door?” Most of the things people worry about are things they have no control over. Which means all of their worry, all of their mental and emotional energy they are investiing on that topic brings them nothing in return except for the experience of self torture by living through imaginary, unwanted outcomes. Most worries won’t come true. And what is true is that worrying about them before doesn’t make you more prepared. This is why people are happier, healthier, and more serene when they adopt an attitude of acceptance. Next time you find yourself worrying, tell yourself, “It will probably work out, and no matter what happens, I will be able to meet the challenge.”

Anxiety Gives a Damn

Nowadays, there are a plethora of online tools and techniques designed to help people with chronic anxiety. Visualizations, meditations, and even medication can bring relief to someone suffering from a panic. But what these tools can’t do is uncover the root of someone’s anxiety. That’s because the root of anxiety is different for everyone, and intensely personal. Anxiety is damn for all other feelings. Think of anxiety like there is someone inside of you, desperate to get your attention. What does this “inner your” want you to hear? Until we listen to ourselves and our true needs, we are going to use anxiety to keep shouting at ourselves until we pay attention. Finding this root issue will require some digging. But once it is found, the cause for your anxiety can be healed. To go underneath your anxiety to find the root feelings, you may want to find a caring therapist who can help guide you and keep you safe on the journey to yourself.

Healthy Habits

 is Love

Grief and loss eventually land on everyone’s doorstep. And when they do, it’s important to allow yourself to cry, hit pillows, and experience those emotions (rather than stuffing them down and carrying them with you for decades.) Even in the middle of grief and loss, we are still responsible for taking care of ourselves. We must sleep. We must eat. We must brush our teeth. When we start to ignore the “habits of health”, we are victimizing ourselves even further. What you so badly want to avoid – getting out of bed, taking a walk, studying for the test…All of these are acts of self-care that are the things that will actually help you recover, repair, and restore from the loss. Yes, these self-cares can feel so bad at the moment. But your body always has the energy and the ability to perform acts of love for yourself. The only thing that is necessary is for you to initiate the act. Just because the beginning is uncomfortable, doesn’t mean the entire experience will. Pushing yourself to do a few uncomfortable things each day can build these muscles that will carry you through all of life’s moments, even its triumphs.

Nature is Healing

Why is it that being at the beach or in the mountains is so relaxing? On some level, everyone knows that the sights and sounds of nature have restorative properties. Experiencing the breeze, the sky, the sun, or the moon just seems to cleanse the soul. But is there any science behind this phenomenon? There is. New sights, sounds, and smells keep us young and positively impact mood and brain health. And science also shows that our brains and nervous system relax when our eyes are taking in the horizon. This is because our eyes must open wide in order to take in a wide view. The brain associates this opening with relaxation. When we look at something very close to us (our phone for example) our eyes narrow to focus on what is right in front of us. And the brain associates this posture with concentration…and stress. If you are feeling stressed and need some relaxation, do your eyes and your brain a favor and head outside to take in one of nature’s beautiful panoramic views.

Showing Up As Yourself

It can be easy to be yourself when you are by yourself, at home, in your own space, or when you are with people who have known and loved you for a long time. When we are feeling safe, and appreciated, we don’t have to think about how to be. Behavior comes out of us naturally, in a fun, loving, and spontaneous way. But what about when you are on a first date? Or a job interview? The thought of wanting to “present our best self” often translates into a “false self.” We are suddenly stiff and awkward, double thinking what we might say or do. When we do this, the people around us can feel our own discomfort. The fun is gone, replaced with an atmosphere of tension. Showing up as yourself in all situations is a habit that can be learned through repetition. When you go on a date, show up as you are. Date you. Instead of putting the emphasis on being acceptable/accepted by someone else, be and enjoy being your fun, spontaneous self. Fun and love (especially self-love) is infectious and a gift.

Choices, Choices

Do you have difficulty making decisions? If there is no easy answer, some people will delay making a choice. They don’t realize choosing to delay is a choice. And it’s one that keeps us from entering the future and living an expanded life. When it comes to choices, the only thing anyone can do is make the best decision using the information they have at the time. (This information includes any messages your gut might be sending you about the choice.) Know that a part of you will always have mixed feelings. Wondering what might have been. We can find some relief in the fact that we can never truly know how any decision will play out. Life is full of mysteries and invariables. Life tends to support us when we exercise good judgement, trust our inner guidance, and have courage. Mourn the loss that comes from making one of the two decisions. Then celebrate yourself for not trying to delay your own life from unfolding.

Hurt Doesn’t Always Mean Harm

If you had plans to spend Saturday with a friend, and they had to suddenly cancel at the last minute due to an unexpected work emergency, it’s natural a part of you would experience disappointment. Even though your feelings were hurt, you were not harmed. Hurt doesn’t always mean harm. Sometimes people who are keen on manipulating others will conflate hurt and harm in order to make someone feel guilty over a situation that was no one’s fault. If someone in your life is constantly using their disappointment and hurt feelings to accuse you of inflicting harm, you are the target of manipulation. They are trying to get you to do what they want. If this dynamic is in your life, remind yourself that type of person is probably not able to hear the truth. Other options include saying, “I’m sorry you are hurting, maybe we can discuss this later” and removing yourself from the interaction. If this is a dynamic that has already been addressed, you can simply tell them, “I need to go” then simply…go. And live your life and let them live theirs. Anything else would be enabling, which although motivated by compassion, is actually harmful.

Brain For Rent

Scientists often say that the brain is the supercomputer of the body. Each day it is responsible for managing countless processes and functions to keep our life-sustaining organs and systems working correctly – and we aren’t even aware of it. Others say the brain is like your home. It holds everything about you, your thoughts, your memories, your hopes, and dreams. What happens when you find your brain constantly thinking about things that make you upset or unhappy? For example: ruminating about the time that a coworker said something mean, or the time a family member did something hurtful and never apologized. It can be helpful to think of these types of thoughts as malware on your computer, or an unwanted guest, who is living rent-free in your home! If you notice your brain is hung up on an unwanted thought, say to yourself, “No one can live rent-free in my brain. I evict this thought.” Then let your brain enjoy visualizing the person packing their bags, and leaving your home, and the front door closing behind them.”

Future Tripping

Do you find yourself constantly worrying about the future? Perhaps you don’t worry about your future, but you worry about other people’s futures? Or the future of our planet? If hearing some bit of news triggers this type of “future tripping,” here are some techniques to use. 1) Remember that worrying doesn’t ever change outcomes. 2) Ask yourself how many times the situations you worried about came to pass? For most people, the answer to this question is either hardly ever or never. Don’t let your mind waste precious energy on future-tripping. It’s a trip that uses a lot of gas but takes you nowhere.

Relationship vs Reaction-ship

Life involves so many different relationships. We have relationships with family, friends, lovers, co-workers, and neighbors. We also have a relationship with the news, social media, our body and even the food we eat. When we are not conscious of a relationship, we sometimes start reacting instead of relating. Have you ever seen a social media post, or the numbers on your bathroom scale and found yourself having an immediate, visceral reaction to it? This means you are in a reaction-ship. How do you shift back into a relationship? For some of us, just realizing that you can have a relationship with your own body and what you put into it is the key. Being loving, mindful about your choices, and forgiving to yourself and others are the key foundations to healthy relationships.

Rejecting Anxiety

Anxiety is a natural reaction to stress. It spikes our system so we are ready to flee or fight. This spike usually subsides and resolves after a 1-2 minutes. When anxiety persists and does not resolve on its own, we must dismiss it and bring our levels back to normal. This begins by recognizing that we are free to reject anxiety in the same way we can reject food or other people’s behaviors. When you are feeling persistent anxiety, use your mind to say “No. This situation does not call for anxiety. I do not need a spike to my system. I am where I want to be. And my levels are now free to normalize.” Then breathe in and *slowly* exhale. The slower the exhale, the more your body will begin to calm itself. Calming thoughts and calming long exhales are two keys to rejecting unwanted anxiety.

When Helping Isn’t Helpful

Healthy, interpersonal relationships often involve being of service. But when a friend, family member, or co-worker is constantly asking for assistance…they might be in an unhealthy cycle of not taking care of their own responsibilities and expecting others to fulfill that role. When someone is constantly in crisis and reaching out for help, remember that saying ‘no’ is an option. If they are not pleased with this, that is not the measuring stick for your self-worth. If people get upset when you prioritize yourself, it can be a sign that you’ve been participating in an unhealthy relationship…and have finally begun having a healthy relationship with yourself.

Time to Get Moving

Have you ever encountered some bit of news or information and suddenly found yourself gripped with worry, or fear? Or perhaps you are struggling to find a solution to a problem and no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to figure out a solution? The easiest way to get “unstuck” is to first stand up and stretch. By literally changing your posture, you trigger a change in your mental stance. If you truly want to achieve a change in perspective, leave the room you are in. If you are outside, walk to a new location. By changing both your physical stance and your environment, you change how your body, brain, and nervous system function. If you want to change a thought, move a muscle. When you change your thoughts, you change your world.

Matching People’s Energy

So many people consider this a wonderful skill. Matching someone else’s energy is a great way to quickly bond with someone and put them at ease. But if you continually do this, it’s most likely a trauma response. Did you grow up always having to put your true self aside to put others at ease, or to keep yourself from being emotionally or physically harmed? The next time you find yourself matching someone’s energy to put them at ease, consider that the message you are telling yourself is I don’t deserve to be who I really am in this situation. Then remind yourself that the most powerful and loving version of yourself is when you are in your authenticity.

What Do You See?

When you look out at the world, what do you see? Do you see the sun shining each day, giving warmth and life to all things on earth? Do you see birds flying, dogs wagging their tails with happiness? Or do you see a neighbor who doesn’t take care of things the way you would like them to, and kids who are too loud? How you see the world isn’t a reflection of the world, it’s a reflection of you and the qualities you are currently embodying. If you look at the sun with gratitude, then you embody gratitude. If you look at a neighbor with judgement, then you are embodying judgement. If the outside world is bothering you, perhaps what is really bothering you is you. Are you judging yourself harshly? Before we can love life, we must love ourselves.

The Exploding Doormat

If you grew up in a household where you were trained to live your life so that other people will be happy, you may have become an exploding doormat. This phrase is used to describe people who let others “walk all over them”, until one day, they explode! The explosion usually involves a powerful release of emotions, and a stream of words about how wronged they have been. People who are exploding doormats are often addicted to the love and praise they receive from always helping out, and equally addicted to the sensation of exploding with anger. If you are an exploding doormat, consider that you may be in an unhealthy cycle where you continue to make choices that benefit others, rather than benefit you. When we live our lives to bring ourselves satisfaction, the explosive feelings of martyrdom and rage begin to dissolve, and our relationships are immediately more honest and authentic.

Hurry Up and…Do Nothing

When we feel rushed, our whole emotional system is suddenly on edge, and we have fewer inner resources available. Being rushed means feeling less fun, less freedom, less joy, less inspiration. Innovative solutions generally do not hatch when we feel rushed. And certainly, it is harder to feel that we are “in flow” or “our best self.” If you think about it, feeling rushed is usually something that only happens when someone else tells *you* to handle *their* emergency. If you are feeling rushed, remind yourself that “someone’s emergency is not my urgency.” With this reminder, you give yourself the opportunity to pause, and perhaps realize that – not only is rushing not necessary – maybe you should not be involved in the situation at all.

Success vs. Happiness

When we are children, we easily dream of our futures. We imagine living wonderful lives with fun jobs and being a part of a supportive partnership, family, or community. Without realizing it, we are imagining both success and happiness. In the human imagination, those two concepts – success and happiness – go hand in hand. As if when you have success, you automatically experience happiness. That isn’t always the case. Success is getting what you want, i.e., Achieving a goal. Happiness is wanting what you have. Some people who worked hard to get somewhere or earn something find they don’t like where they are once, they get there. Goals by their nature are always in the future, but happiness is something you can always have right now – by appreciating the things in your life that bring you joy and for which you are grateful. Each morning, take 30 seconds to feel gratitude for three things. Most likely, you will begin to feel happier.

Why Is It Important To Cry?

Everyone at one point in their lives has cried tears of hurt. Perhaps someone you love died, or you were betrayed by someone you thought deserved your trust. Hopefully, everyone has also cried with laughter from seeing something funny or being in a situation so ridiculous it was hilarious. Have you ever been so angry that you cried? Or have you ever cried tears of joy? Crying doesn’t really have anything to do with emotion. Tears are simply a sign of intensity. They can be seen as the body’s self-cleansing mechanism whenever there are amplified emotions. It is very important to cry when the body wants to cry. If you consistently hold back your tears, you are literally clogging your emotional system.

One Minute A Day

Hearing someone tell us, “I love you” is one of the best feelings in the world. Hearing it every day can really change your inner landscape, your mood, your emotions, even your outward appearance. The easiest way to increase the number of times you hear this – is to start saying it to yourself. The person you were at age 2, age 10, age 12 – they are not gone. They are all still inside of you. And they need to hear that you love them. Find a picture of yourself as a child and say out loud, each day, I love you and I am going to take care of you. Say it when you are alone in the car. Say it in the shower. You can even shout it from the rooftops. If you do this each day for one minute, miracles can happen. For when we know, really know, that we love ourselves, often the world begins to love us right back.

All About Meditation

So many people talk about the importance of meditation, but few of them ever describe — in a way that makes sense — what meditation really is. Is it sitting and being still? Is it clearing the mind? Frankly, the sound of those “activities” doesn’t sound very appealing. Perhaps one way to think about meditation is spending time with the person you are on the inside, rather than who you seem to be on the outside. Another way to think of meditation is giving your body and your mind a rest. When you allow yourself to be who you really are, without requiring yourself to do anything or think about anything, your whole self will eventually start to believe that it’s okay to just be…yourself. The benefits of just being with yourself, for 60 seconds, without asking for anything in return, will eventually start to relax your whole system. When this inner sense of relaxation occurs, your innate powers of self-acceptance, inspiration, and love will flow forth.