Closure is one of those elusive things that we may seek unintentionally, without knowing how to name it. It is about understanding, accepting, and making peace with the unresolved—not just about endings. Closure helps us turn the page in our lives—whether it’s the aftermath of a breakup, the loss of a loved one, or the conclusion of a significant chapter. But what does closure really mean? Why does it matter so much to our emotional well-being? And why is it harder for some individuals to accept closure than others?
Social psychologist Arie Kruglanski coined the phrase “need for closure” in the 1990s, referring to a decision-making process that aims to find an answer to a given topic in order to remove confusion and ambiguity. When we look for closure, we search for answers to resolve painful feelings or loss.
The need for closure may be linked to how the human mind makes sense of the world. In what is called Gestalt psychology, there is the “law of closure,” which refers to a strategy the brain uses to make sense of different visual elements. For instance, when an individual is shown an image of a common item that is missing a key segment, the brain will automatically fill in the gap to perceive the familiar shape. Closure is similar in that it provides a framework for filling in the missing pieces—once we understand why something ended the way it did, we can conclude that chapter and work toward acceptance.
There is a scale called the “Need for Closure Scale” that is based on five traits: decisiveness, desire for predictability, preference for order and structure, discomfort with ambiguity, and closed-mindedness. These traits are important because they may explain why certain individuals have a stronger need for closure than others. For those who prefer predictability in their lives, closure may be necessary to begin a new chapter, whereas those who are more comfortable with ambiguity may not require it as much.
Closure can be important because it facilitates emotional healing and gives individuals a chance to move forward. It may be hard for someone to heal from a difficult event or period in their life if there are constant reminders or lingering questions. Closure often involves gaining a better understanding of what happened and why. Once someone has a narrative that makes sense, they are more likely to accept the situation and begin to let go of lingering emotional pain. This can be empowering, as individuals begin to focus on their own growth and reclaim their personal power.
Closure also enables the processing of emotions, helping a person better understand what they are feeling. When something ends—whether a relationship, a job, or a chapter of life—it can leave behind a mix of emotions: sadness, anger, confusion, relief, guilt. Without closure, those emotions can become tangled, making it hard to understand what you’re truly feeling. With closure, you are able to sift through surface emotions and process the event on a deeper level. You may realize that your anger was masking hurt, or your grief was tied to unmet expectations. Closure may not eliminate the pain entirely, but it can help untangle it. It also helps you regain control of the narrative, allowing you to be the author of your own story and release aspects that no longer serve you.
Certain individuals may have more trouble with closure than others. The more emotionally invested someone was in a situation or relationship, the harder it may be to accept that it’s over. People may hold on to hope, memories, or the idea of “what could’ve been,” making it painful to let go. In other cases, closure may be terrifying because it requires truly accepting that change has occurred and a chapter has ended. Saying goodbye to a chapter can feel like losing a part of your identity—especially if the relationship or situation was a big part of who you were.
In some situations, it may be difficult to receive closure, especially when the other person doesn’t need it. Often, the inability to gain closure stems from a lack of communication—such as a breakup where one person leaves without explanation. Emotional complexity can also play a role, as the abundance of emotions involved may make it hard to arrive at a place of calm acceptance.
In many cases, it’s important to recognize that you are ultimately responsible for obtaining closure—others may not be willing or able to give it to you. This involves taking responsibility for your own actions and interpreting others’ behavior as best you can. Asking for closure may require vulnerability, such as expressing your need for clarity in an open and honest conversation. For instance, you might tell someone that you’re feeling overwhelmed by the ambiguity of a situation and would appreciate the chance to talk through it.
Another way to process your emotions without a conversation is through writing. Writing can be one of the most powerful tools in finding closure. Putting your thoughts on paper helps externalize feelings, making them easier to understand and organize. Letter writing, for example, can be a meaningful practice—even if you never send the letter. Writing to the person you’re seeking closure with can help release negative emotions that no longer serve you. Through writing, you can reframe the narrative and reclaim control over your story.
Talking to a trusted friend or family member about the situation is another way to gain closure without involving the person directly. A fresh perspective can help de-escalate emotions and reinterpret the situation. Talking to a mental health professional can also provide tools and techniques for reaching acceptance.
Closure doesn’t always come neatly wrapped. For those who need closure, it’s important to recognize that sometimes it’s a quiet decision you make in your own heart. It may mean living with unanswered questions without letting them consume you. Finally, time plays a crucial role in healing. As time passes, our brains naturally reprocess and reframe memories, making past pain feel less overwhelming.
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