The psychology of infidelity: why drives individuals to cheat?

On July 16, during a Coldplay concert at Gillette Stadium in Boston, Andy Byron, CEO of the AI company Astronomer, and his Chief People Officer, Kristin Cabot, appeared on the kiss cam. The two seemed to be sharing an intimate moment and, upon realizing they were being shown to thousands, quickly ducked and covered their faces in an attempt to avoid recognition. The clip drew widespread attention due to both individuals’ executive positions and their marital statuses.

Chances are you’ve at least come across a headline about this moment. The story has become a hot topic, with dozens of news outlets covering various angles of Byron’s relationship and the fallout from the incident. Social media platforms like TikTok, X, Reddit, and Threads have also amplified the scandal, turning it into a full-blown viral spectacle.

Yet, amid the outrage and sensationalism, many discussions fail to examine the deeper, underlying factors that may lead to such behavior—especially among people in positions of power. While this moment of infidelity sparked popularity, public anger and confusion, the uncomfortable truth is that it’s far from uncommon. To truly understand why situations like this occur, it’s worth exploring the psychological and relational dynamics that often drive people to cheat.

In fact, a study by the Austin Institute about 37 percent of divorces in the U.S. were related to infidelity in the relationship, while another estimate showed that over 40% of married couples grapple with infidelity issues.

It’s easy to assume that affairs are about sex but in fact more often, they’re about desire. Psychotherapist Esther Perel explains that infidelity stems from a yearning for attention and the feeling of being desired or seen—especially when those needs go unmet in a long-term relationship. That external validation can become addictive, encouraging continued secrecy, betrayal, and infidelity.
Affairs may be an attempt from an individual in the marriage to rediscover a sort of emotional dimension that may have been lost as their relationship became more stable or consistent. The relationship may have fizzled out but neither individual will make a move until they are offered the opportunity for “more excitement”. In the same vein, some people may turn to affairs to uncover that more youthful or carefree side of themselves that they may have lost with age and in that more consistent relationship. Affairs may cultivate this more playful, curious, spontaneous side of individuals.

Cheating can also be a form of self sabotage when individuals are not happy in a relationship, but do not know how to tell the other person. Or, it may even be a personal crisis that they attribute to their partner when in fact it is their own issues they are dealing with. In either scenario individuals may cheat as an easier “way out” of the relationship.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, characteristics in an individual such as neuroticism, a history of infidelity, number of sex partners before marriage, and insecure attachment issues, have been positively associated with infidelity. In addition to this, coming from a family where infidelity was present also increases the risk of continuing the behavior.

This context matters. It reminds us that what looks like a simple scandal is often rooted in far more complex dynamics. Life is messy. Relationships are hard. But infidelity is almost always a sign of something deeper—a breakdown in communication, unmet emotional needs, or a lack of mutual respect.